"Pah! You know nothing of paranoia compared to I."

[SadLuckDame]

I can only change small things.
I'm a beginner, but I'm at a foot of the hill, looking up
and preparing a journey.

I can't lie to you though.
I just tell the truth of it
even if it's ugly looking.

[sooZen]

Nope, I am sure you don't truck. I have seen it (post tramatic stress) in men and women.

You carry all those tales of woe around in your rig and right now is remote. Ten-four?

I am working on getting myself healthy as I can be. Now.

My shoulders are too fragile, too small for the weight of the world. I would collapse under the stress and strain if I took on the responsibility of healing anything out of my reach.

I know, it is a fact, that the world is screwy, folks are screwy, life can be hell. As Mahatma (one of the wise) said, "Life is suffering" but how we deal with it certainly counts towards our own mental health.

You know, it bothers me greatly to know that certain things are on the brink of extinction and it ain't us...yet. But if we humans keep it up, life as we know it will cease to exist. There are too many of us and too few of (insert most other living things here) and we (a collective we) think our suffering is oh so much more important than facts of what we have wrought to Tigers, Lions and Bears, oh my.

It is all, ALL, connected...like these dots...my friend. We get indignant about indignity to ourselves and those less fortunate but don't give hardly a thought to what a soiled playpen we make with our silly wars and hateful destruction.

Every single day, I try and make this place better. I ain't no saint, I am flawed in many, many ways but I care about the birds and bees and flowers and trees. Most folks don't notice and many don't care for we humans are tip top and oh so more important but you can't fool Mother Nature and she will fix it and we can kiss all our asses goodbye.

In the meantime, I am gonna go sit on my deck and contemplate my navel.

[gypsyjoker]

She was sixteen years old when she married Crazy Mike, he was 32. Pretty much an old world arranged marriage.

A boy's best friend is his mother. I am glad we became friends again.

But she broke my heart twice. Once when my true love wanted me to marry her and my mother talked me out of it. But can I blame her for me being not man enough to stand up for the woman I loved? My oldest brother married a woman who was not Jewish, my mother was incensed, but my brother stood by his decision. you would not believe the shit the women in my family put that woman through. But when my mother was on her death bed her daughter-in-law become her dearest friend. Closer than daughter

And once again she broke my heart when I met another woman I felt was my life partner and my mother convinced me I was not good enough for her.

Ah shit
My own fault.
I don't understand Nietzsche's "eternal return" I think it means my life is as it should be.

I like this bit from a plath poem a lot. I wish I had read it or my mother had read it forty five years ago.

emphasis mine

I do not will him to be exceptional.
It is the exception that interests the devil.
It is the exception that climbs the sorrowful hill
Or sits in the desert and hurts his mother's heart.
I will him to be common,
To love me as I love him,
And to marry what he wants and where he will.

What is spooky for me mz dame is when I see my sister set her jaw a certain way. It is like I am watching the ghost of my father flit across her face.

I remember silent woman talking to her daughter, her daughter so unhappy about something. Silent woman calm and reasoning with her but the girl could not hear a word she said.

Silent woman used to like that Cat Stevens song "Baby it is a wild world" she would sing it for her daughter. "

I wish I could say something helpful but I don't know. I think sons get off easy. For all the crap my mother put me through it was nothing to what she put my sister through. "My Mother Myself", I read that book a long time ago. Cover to cover and I can't remember a word of it.

SooZen a lot of people have told me that. Can they all be wrong?
Existential risks check it out.
One good thing about people
we are up to our ass in them
no danger of extinction there.

[tinkerjack]

My own personal experience, too has led me to recognize that the Jews have very good ability in agriculture...and my efforts shall show that the Jews have not lost the agricultural qualities that their forefathers possessed. I shall try to make for them a new home in different lands, where as free farmers on their own soil, they can make themselves useful to that country."

--Baron Maurice de Hirsch in The Forum (August 1891)

That avatar is the man I was named for, my great grandfather. My grandmother's father. 13 children five wives they all died in childbirth.
He sent my grandmother off by herself with her siblings to the new world. Courtesey of Baron De Hirsch. The rich German Jew who tried to relocate as many poor peasant jews to the new world as he could
because he saw what was coming down in Europe for the jews.

When my mother would confront her mother on why she let her marry a man like that. What kind of mother are you. And My grandmother would reply I did the best I could because "I never had a mother"


I don't know what that has to do with anything. I was just drifting off to sleep when that came to mind. Thought I would post it maybe I will have have more on it later.

[SadLuckDame]

Grandmothers! We should be talking about them more. I got a lot from my two Grandmothers. One infected one side and the other the other side. They split me down the middle. I love them more than ever.

I have a tiny white mark on my nail. My Nana says it's good luck. I haven't even had a white cloud on my nail since childhood. I'm amazed over it. Trucker, I can't help but to be in a very good mood. Ill then healed, it makes my attitude different. But, I don't want you to believe it keeps me uncaring towards the cruelties...
more soon.

[stilltrucking]

I am numb about cruelities. The past is never past Faulkner said. And R. Rabit wrote a poem about too much history. And Santayana told us that those who remember the past might avoid the same mistakes
But I am coming to doubt that.

It is a Jewish problem. You would think that there would be a solution to it by now.. But every Israeli soldier takes a vowel that Masada will not fall. Again. And Anne Coulter says the least we should do is become christians.

Physcian heal thy self. Nietzsche towers over Freud in my mind. But my father was living proof a little knowledge is dangerous. Sought his cure in Freud. I would have been better for me if he knew Nietzsche.
Freud said knew Nietzsche's self knowledge was beyond any that lived before. He was impressed. Nietzsche was no anti smite.



My grandmother The most powerful woman I have ever known. She cirumcized my heart. The one one thing that redeems crazy mike from my memory is that he spared me a religious indoctrination. I had much autonomy as a child. I found my own way to this thing some people call G-d.

Nietzsche turned his mind to universals. Freud to particulars.








And jung spoke of a collective unconscious

The Jewish problem is not something I expect my non jewish friends to be concerned with. I only get upset when the post 911 conspiracy sites that are also holocaust denial sites. I don't believe in never again. Oh no I don't believe in that.
Never say never again
Never
not with that Jewish god of the christians
Jesus been good to me
I just don't want no truck with his father

I would be more cheerful if my motorcycle was running. I am getting stale. It is my therapy.

Children cheer me up



Named after my mother, her great grandmother

Beaches cheer me up
Today's banner cheers me up


Motorcycles cheer me up
I miss my motorcycle

I am way off track here.
I like Joseph Campbell a lot
He has real problems with that patriarchal god of the old testament. I think god is evolving. That is what makes Jung's Answer to Job so interensting. The old testament god is turning bisexual. Begining to recognize his feminine side.

Don't let me bring you down
Please
I right all this for my self.
It has helped me help my sister.
My own self analysis
my existential strip tease

[stilltrucking]

I don't even give a fuck about typos no more.
Sometimes I think I do it on purpose
My way of making ripples.

[SadLuckDame]

No trucker, this doesn't bring me down. It's bread. I was going to tell you I was pissed if you'd delete it all before I had time to use it for a few meals.

But, that's past. It doesn't bring me down. I was only concerned my smiling was wrong in all of this topic. So I wanted to explain why. It's because of health, clouds and it's rotten of me, possibly but flowers bloom wherever, and especially they bloom in an area of death. If the forest is burnt to crisp, flowers, lots of them and green grass and new tree seedlings burst up. That was it I guess.

[stilltrucking]

Going to start a new thread
about my new diet
going to a log of my weight loss
The Beer and Potato Chip diet
I found it in the National Inquirer
Can't be wrong


Keep on smiling
I always liked that saying
"shine it on"
only place I have ever heard it was California

Be here Now
Be here later.

mingo's latest picture cheers me up
that patch of blue off to the right interests me strangely

[sooZen]

SooZen a lot of people have told me that. Can they all be wrong?
Existential risks check it out.
One good thing about people
we are up to our ass in them
no danger of extinction there.

I don't know about a lot of people truck...or what they think or if they are wrong or right. Honestly. It is difficult enough for me to know myself and that self changes constantly, like the seasons.

You are the bearer of history, the reader of more stuff than I have time (or the patience or interest) to read. That is one of the reasons I like 'talking' to you. Following you down those rabbit trails... Sometimes I can't go there, no experience or too painful or something else entirely. But I feel I can say what I want to you or discuss anything in this world. I like that. So thank you.

And I disagree about the "good thing about people...no danger of extinction..." We are on the brink at all times, me thinks. This fragile world we live in floating in space and time is and can be wiped out in an instant by something random, like a errant meteor aimed at our heart. There are lots of scenarios one can imagine, if one wanted to.

But I am not paranoid and I just want to be awake and aware. Most of the time, we cannot choose the way we die unless we plan on an end a la that shotgun. The only scenario I fear is dying in fear...but one never knows, do they?

There is so much that I don't understand and never will. The mysteries of Life are what makes Life interesting and wondering about those mysteries or the synchronicity I encounter stimulates my being.

I am not searching for enlightenment (anymore.) Like love or passion, it comes and goes. Sometimes my bulb is very dim and I need recharging and other times I feel as bright as the sun.

Like all of our species, I have my beliefs, my theories, my suppositions but that is all they are and have little to do with anything outside of my self (selves). It may bring like minded folks together in a tribal sense, sharing their beliefs but I find that Quakers or Warriors or whatevers need something to believe in.

It is a scary place, this existence and we are a fragile species with amazing powers for good or evil. (Masters of our own demise, it seems to me if that errant and random event doesn't do us in first.)

Sooooo, what to do? Me...wax on, wax off...Find out what the new dawn brings. Cope. Smile. Laugh and cry. Listen. Create. Learn something new. Be in this moment and not in a cloud in my head...

[stilltrucking]

I think what I must admire about the christ jesus was his respect and compassion for women. The old testament does not have much good to say about women. Or dogs. But I have not read it cover to cover. Mostly Proverbs and Ecclesiastes I have read them over and over. I had been reading the book of Job for about a year now. I have not picked it up in months though. It angers me. I follow links to Christian websites where they say it was not God who pulled that shit on Job. It was Satan. Oh I see, it is not god’s fault anymore. I have not got to the end but I have heard it all worked out well. . Satan made him do it. Everything was restored to Job in the end. His sheep, his goats, and he got a new wife because the old one was still dead. I miss Joel a lot. I used to love that tag line about the ass with the happy fart.

Sitting outside eating an orange and drinking coffee. I am not that well read. Except in Greek and Roman history. I have read every Greek and Roman historian you can name.
Nietzsche said we should make our lives a garden for others to find refuge in. Cecil is a better gardener than me. Bakes a better pie too.

Thanks for being a cyber pal
I got to go now. I got to catch the sun

[stilltrucking]

Kind of a broad generalization I made about women in the Old Testament. I guess I was thinking about this bit from The Book of Jackadiah

I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all.

[Diana Moon Glampers]

maybe they never found her because they were so busy looking for the The Harlot by the Side of the Road.

[SadLuckDame]

What happens to the whore? I ask that over in my head. I read a link of yours somewhere else that'd went into detail about the harlot, who'd disguised herself to get the father in law to bear her seed. I'll re hunt for it. Much to read here, lots to catch up on.

I don't know how soon I'll sort it all out in my head. I'll look into it better later, though.

[the mingo]

New name for your digs, Jack. Righteous.