Heart Murmurs

Post by **goldenmyst** » November 11th, 2009, 10:55 pm

Heart Murmurs

Blue skies permutate
Into saturated obsidian
Summoning night thoughts
In the closets of my mind
Where tremulous trepidation
Trips merrily to the tune
Of Grateful Dead's minstrel magic
When darkness reigns
In my apocalyptic squirrel's nest of eternity
Where deep in the hollow of my heart
Songs left unsung
Quietly mulch

Post by **Barry** » November 16th, 2009, 1:52 pm

I know the feeling. Good poem, John, melancholy well articulated.

"Riiipple, in still waters, when there is no pebble tossed, no wind to blow..."

Peace,
Barry

Post by **Doreen Peri** » November 16th, 2009, 1:54 pm

hmmm... interesting piece... how exactly do songs mulch?

just wondering.

Is mulch a verb? I thought it was the chipped wood I put in my garden.

Post by **goldenmyst** » November 16th, 2009, 2:33 pm

Barry, yes most have been through it I'm sure. And Ripple is my favorite form of Prozac. :

Doreen, you are exactly right. Mulch doesn't fit here at all. So I've re written the last lines. I looked up mulch and apparently it can be, in some instances, used as a transitive verb. However, I kind of felt even before you brought it up that songs and mulch weren't really compatible. Any how hopefully I've redeemed the poem.

John

Post by **Barry** » November 16th, 2009, 3:43 pm

Oh, John, it was perfect as it was. (No offence to you, Doreen.) I got it totally. Songs unsung quietly mulching away in the mind of an unsung hero and all that. It's a beautifully sad image. Please put it back.

Peace,
Barry

Post by **goldenmyst** » November 16th, 2009, 5:27 pm

Yep Barry that is what I had in mind. Clearly you understood it. From what my dictionary said "mulch" can be a transitive verb. But then there is poetic license as well. I've seen many poems, especially beat ones, with newly invented words. And mulch fits what I am trying to say so perfectly. Thanks so much Barry for clarifying this.

John

Post by **Doreen Peri** » November 16th, 2009, 5:51 pm

Hi John...

OK so I see you changed it back?

"Songs left unsung
Quietly mulch"

Sorry, I didn't get it... it just sorta threw me... because I felt stupid. LOL!

And yeah I guess I've said, "I mulched the garden today" .... so that's using it as a verb.

I still need to let it digest... the image of a heart mulching... I still don't get it. I'm sorry! I'm trying!!!

.....

Can I ask how you reworded it before you changed it back? I'm just curious.

Post by **Barry** » November 16th, 2009, 6:02 pm

Think of mulch as a synonym of rot, decompose, waste away, come to nothing. Or, conversely, ferment, become food, keep warm, provide cover.

That's some of what I got, at least.

Post by **goldenmyst** » November 16th, 2009, 6:20 pm

To the best of my recollection here was the alternate version:

Heart Murmurs

Blue skies permutate
Into saturated obsidian
Summoning night thoughts
In the closets of my mind
Where tremulous trepidation
Trips merrily to the tune
Of Grateful Dead's minstrel magic
When darkness reigns
In my apocalyptic squirrel's nest of eternity
Where deep in the hollow of my heart
Songs left unsung
Are nascent notes
For my final Opus

I still like mulch better. It communicates all that Barry elucidated. However I am open to your ideas.

Post by **Doreen Peri** » November 16th, 2009, 6:45 pm

John, I like the second better but if you like mulch better, it's your poem and maybe I just still don't get it. Honestly, I looked it up on several online dictionaries and couldn't find any definition that stated anything close to what Barry read in it. Now... it's true that mulch is dirty and the chopped up wood also decomposes so maybe that's part of the image. All I could find was either the noun, mulch, meaning the chopped up wood we put in our gardens or the verb, mulch, meaning "to mulch" as in the act of putting down the chopped up wood into your garden.

But that doesn't mean that somewhere out there in this large universe there's not a meaning that means rot, decompose, waste away, ferment, keep warm, ... etc. I CAN see it meaning "providing cover" because that's what mulch does.

OK so now I'm rambled mulch too mulch about this. LOL!

It doesn't matter really because it's your poem and your image and I wasn't trying to say anything against your poem... only was saying I didn't understand the image. But hey, believe me... I don't understand a LOT of images in poetry! I just usually don't say anything because it makes me look stupid. In this case, I said something because I knew you'd understand that I wasn't trying to say anything negative about your poem but really just wanted your help understanding the image.

Whew! I've talked way too mulch!

Post by **goldenmyst** » November 16th, 2009, 9:49 pm

Doreen, I do appreciate your input. I can't tell you how many times I've rewritten my work based on input from others. Advice such as yours is invaluable to me. I often miss my days at the university in creative writing. I loved getting all that in depth criticism which forms the basis of my writing today.

You do have a point about mulch. What attracts me to the image is its connotation of the seeds of creativity waiting to blossom into new works. It symbolizes the unconscious creative process. That metaphor seems richer than the alternate ending.

However, always always feel free to criticize my work. This exchange gives me pause to consider my future use of metaphors.

John

Post by **Barry** » November 16th, 2009, 9:51 pm

That's the wonderful thing about poetry: poetic license. For through these two language grows. We can be fastidious about definitions and usages in our formal prose. In poetry we should remain open to what we've never seen, heard, have a hard time understanding. That's what makes it poetry and not drab, boring, mechanical prose. I would posit that new words and usages are invented more in poetry than in prose. Sometimes that's what it takes, it seems to me, to generously conjur an image in the reader's mind - something they haven't already seen a thousand times before.

But, John, it is your poem. You do whatever you think is right with it.

Peace,
Barry

Post by **Doreen Peri** » November 16th, 2009, 9:54 pm

John, I really wasn't trying to be a critic or give advice. I just didn't understand the image. Thanks so much for explaining!! Makes perfect sense to me now. Sorry to be a ditz. LOL!

Also, if you like critique, there is a forum here for that... just saying... not many participate in it but hey, it's here! So, just mentioning it.

I enjoyed your poem. It was heartfelt and vivid. It was only that last image that I struggled with but your explanation helped a lot! Thank you!

Post by **goldenmyst** » November 16th, 2009, 11:06 pm

Oh, I see now. Glad you enjoyed my poem. You aren't a ditz. I can be inscrutable at times. I guess it's all that mulching I do. LOL

John

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Heart Murmurs

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