Memory

[creativesoul]

On the last day of 2009 I read 11years of journals and burnt them on the blue moon of the new year with reflections of fireworks on the ocean one mile and a half away, on ten acres.
It had been a year since the "snaps like a twig"
had been kicked to the curb.
I knew if I stayed
it would have changed my heart
like callouses on my feet
I have never worked so hard
just to be me
after he was gone
I made paintings and collages
that were abstract and meaningless
yet those paints saved me
when I am sad and think I can never love again
too broken
dreams curled like smoke towards a ceiling that lowered itself like a majestic Expectations drowning. Done.commitment was gambling with him, darkness surrounding a poor confused and foolish man that lost all his chances to poor choices and the desire for easy money and comfort
disguised as love.
He had worn the mask for so long he no longer knew who he was lost and lonely, using lust as a manipulation tool.
Sorry girls, such as myself are prey. Apologizing for bad American manners and trying to like it, never able to shut up, I so tire of listening to people talk about nothing, because"actions speak louder than words"
if I could have been docile and accepted that tyrant, maybe I could have lived happily ever after.
The truth is, I am living happlily ever after without "snaps like a twig"
I am manywalker and that was the past!
I know you like French fries in a paper sack, and you sneak in here and read my shit.
It has been over a long time and there is no coming back, getting back together etc
I learned the lesson