...total annihilation on all imaginable levels - physical destruction, emotional disaster, intellectual and philosophical defeat, ultimate moral faulure, and absolute damnation of transcendental proportions. This experience of ego death seems to entail an instant merciless destruction of all previous reference points in the life of the individual.
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Kaniz said:
STRONG trips, where the sense of self/time/identiy/reality/body/etc simply cease to exist. There is a conciousness, but there is no "I" to it - simply being. Just pureness. Its hard to fully define, as I mostly remeber the point leading upto it, and the point directly after it - but the actual 'loss' itself is pretty much impossible to remeber except a sensation of being home, pureness and love.
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I dont have a concept of self, or time, or body, or anything - just simply 'there'. There is no I to my thoughts, there is no body, and I am actually alarmed once the sense of identiy returns "Oh, I'm a me? wow - thats odd. Whered that come from? oh, whats this weird feeling I'm starting to form? oh, thats my body laying on my bed' as I start to re-form into reality.
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But, I've never felt afraid, or scared, or terror, I can sense it comming, I accept that its comming, I relax and let go - and have always enjoyed the expierence.
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This is ego loss.
The difference is that with Ego loss you are so at peace that your ego falls asleep like a baby whereas with Ego death your Ego is chased through a field of broken glass by a gang of psychopath gremlins who will catch him and bludgeon it into a bloody pulp with claw hammers.
Ego Death is one single phase that can easily span twenty or thirty trips with uniquely horrible features. Once you had it to its fullest it will never return. Ever. Ego Loss can happen at any time in a trip.
I'm scared shitless of Ego Death, having been through several sequelae and knowing there will be many more.
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