A Christmas Poem Nasterpiece by my friend Kevin

[Doreen Peri]

Yuppie Spawn Yuletide

Mom took me to see Santa
and she sat me on his lap.
Stains adorned his filthy suit
and his breath smelled just like crap.
He looked at me with bloodshot eyes,
and he said “Ho! Ho! Ho!”
I told that drunk old bastard,
Here's something you should know.

“So where's my fucking pony?
Last year you promised me!
I want it here and I want it now
or I'll soak your pants with pee.”
He said,”Every year you piss on me
and soak me to the bone.
Would you take twenty dollars
just to leave my ass alone?”

Christmas eve was finally here,
and so my father said,
”If you want Saint Nick to come,
then march your ass to bed!”
I lay there in my little bed
'til I heard my parents snore,
the customary signal
to come creeping out the door.

There were all the presents,
piled underneath the tree,
Santa hates my sister
so they all belong to me.
When I saw all that Christmas loot
I knew not what to do.
The only thing that I could think
was “I'm glad I'm not a Jew.”

I pulled down my stocking
and it was full of stuff,
but Santa didn't do his job
'cause it wasn't full enough.
A box of melting chocolates,
and a sticky candy cane.
Hey a slingshot and some marbles!
Now I'm the prince of pain!

It was now the 26th
and the postman came along.
He walked with quite a stagger
and his breath was rather strong.
An envelope from Grandma!
Not a dollar in the card.
I'm sure the postman stole it.
That thieving sack of lard!

With craftiness,and sneakiness,
some planning and some thought,
I was almost guaranteed
I never would get caught.
So I threw a dog shit snowball,
and it popped him in the ear.
He never saw who did it,
so I was in the clear!

This ditty's almost at an end
so my advice to you,
is secrecy and cleverness
will always see you through.
Be kind to all the folks who count,a
nd fuck the folks who don't.
For the folks who count will give you gifts,
and all the others won't.

So crack that smile with lots of guile
and I'm sure you'll make your way,
on the one year road to the mother load
that comes on Christmas day!


By Kevin Pierce, December 2010

[dadio]

Good poem, friend Kevin.