pay back is a bitch

[creativesoul]

last four years brought on a time warp a mixing of medicine
ideology dogma
and then there was God, call him some name that really touches the part of you that is in awe of beauty, kindness and love, when something so pure comes and tickles you inside when light heals your spine and your face
when giving up teeth seemed a better idea that losing faith in the magic of a dragonfly, or butterfly,
a blue heron...
flew some places over water to see a stretch that placed a seal on her like a brand, like a birth mark on the back of her left calf
small like the shape of the islands...
pele the godess has been awake lately, as lava oozes over the crater lip
i think of kissing
i think of how happy i was
when i was too stupid to know it
the stars above the house were in a circle last night, i could not sleep
the ones that walk on water had other ideas...
the places i went taught hard
i learned well
im still autistic emotionally freaking out when i dont get my way-
every day=or i am begging God to help me, not to eat pain pills or listen to shrinks about anti depressants and drugs to hep me quit smoking- i ve been on the patch for 15 years, invest, there is no way... i want to die an old fashioned way, in my sleep-
but that controli want it, see i get no say in how this goes down, the next right thing... why are the instructions not in my box?
please God whom i trust- see what i can do about this dust
on my feet
in my heart
can we clean it out and start over erase the chalkboard?
i think i would have to take serious drugs to believe that....

[snowman]

wow this was like a drug that takes you on an emotional roller coaster ride addictive too makes me want too read you again and again
write on
snowman

[creativesoul]

thank seroquel, cyelexa, strattera and some klonapin-redidue- fucking gentic experimemts we are=anyway i am not as pure as the driven snow- no no=i didnt come round here to get good, i came to get well...

[creativesoul]

that is a two yr kick- anti-depressants-

[justwalt]

I wouldn't give up on god just yet...
seriously, the next time you need to beg god,
go to the mirror and look her in the eye as you do it.

no charge for the session, I should be paying you.

just do it.

[creativesoul]

ok
i will
but restoration
isnt happening fast enough....

[justwalt]

the big island sits at 19.5 degrees north latitude,
close enough, gather that energy... then back to
the mirror you go, and give it to god.

check out your last post number

[creativesoul]

i kept getting 3 3 3 which is willams air force base- the hippies are talking aliens, and well i am over talking right now-weather machines, various predictions, the bible- they are my landlords, dang i cant handle one more saved person im fucking going to get nasty seriously
i am so glad to be indian, to know how to live in the woods, how to tan and skin an animal, how to live on herbal teas- vitamins, and prayers to the Great spirit- the rest of the folks i honor all prayers, but do not quote the bible at me- that eve story and how she made me do it, is bullshit

[creativesoul]

if i still loved him
even after all this time
i wonder if anything would have been real....was it all a dream?
clearly the person i loved is someone i made up
i have not ever been sure---- that i saw clearly what i had to do for me.. but what of him?
my elders tell me he was a reptile... that he has no conscience
someone i once respected and loved, said"he knew everything he did to you when he was doing it"
i had to walk away from that thinking
i have to believe that my love was real-that we are just messed up people in a crazy world... where my values are violated either by myself or society every minute i allow the media or a group of people to influence my entire life and thinking every minute of every day- the love i had for him knew no bounds, i just reached a place where he was no longer there...and had not been for what seemed a very long lonely winter.my love had to die to be reborn with and without jesus, allah, mohamed,bahai s natives, and Creator trying to help us idiots get along, but nooooo we gotta blow shit up- people buildings lives because we can--there is a woman on yahoo this morning crying, there is no safe place for me- i understand that....