changes

[short timer]

I wrote

what I am saying is it may be spooky to you dear sister but for me it is sure death and destruction if I don't face my fears. Repression is the main stealer of joy in my life.

I don't think I have said what I was thinking, what my first words, first thoughts, death and destruction not the right words to express what it is I truly fear. It is probably just superstition of me think my fears manifest.


Heaven or hell from moment to moment
It has been a long time coming
All I have left is the now
it was always later than I thought




chimeras

"The mother is the first awesome miracle that haunts the child his whole life, whether he lives within her powerful aura or rebels against it."
The Denial of Death. Ernest Becker

[short timer]

I feared nothing so much as my mother, even more than crazy mike.

Mike never beat on me, just fun and games with Freud.

I was a fortunate son.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWiyKgeG ... re=related

1. O Fortuna (Chorus) (O Fortune)O Fortuna O Fortune,
velut luna like the moon
statu variabilis, you are changeable,
semper crescis ever waxing
aut decrescis; and waning;
vita detestabilis hateful life
nunc obdurat first oppresses
et tunc curat and then soothes
ludo mentis aciem, as fancy takes it;
egestatem, poverty
potestatem and power
dissolvit ut glaciem. it melts them like ice.
Sors immanis Fate - monstrous
et inanis, and empty,
rota tu volubilis, you whirling wheel,
status malus, you are malevolent,
vana salus well-being is vain
semper dissolubilis, and always fades to nothing,
obumbrata shadowed
et velata and veiled
michi quoque niteris; you plague me too;
nunc per ludum now through the game
dorsum nudum I bring my bare back
fero tui sceleris. to your villainy.
Sors salutis Fate is against me
et virtutis in health
michi nunc contraria, and virtue,
est affectus driven on
et defectus and weighted down,
semper in angaria. always enslaved.
Hac in hora So at this hour
sine mora without delay
corde pulsum tangite; pluck the vibrating strings;
quod per sortem since Fate
sternit fortem, strikes down the strong man,
mecum omnes plangite! everyone weep with me!

[SadLuckDame]

I mean I'm just gonna hold you up
when your dark like this for the season.
I'm gonna say, "Jack, it's still night out.
Look, it won't always be our eyes wide open
and tomorrow it might be a blinding sun.

I'll stay it in with you, here where it's warm,
we're cocooned."

This funny relationship.
I needed someone who'd take me through the day
and you need someone to wake you in the night.

[stilltrucking]

I feel good dame
James Brown got nothing on me
I have learned to love the bomb
I have gone deep into my jeep
and the old time religion of Blood Encrusted Mars
and of Tezcatlipoca
On the down side I may be cracking up because all of a sudden the world makes so much sense to me.

Thank you for your kind attention

[SadLuckDame]

Your attentiveness to details
have helped me laugh in the face of a dangerous day
and decide I'm just astrologically funny,
which is o.k. to be.

To be good within the skin I'm in.
We've been able to settle things,
settle our affairs.

I likes you all the whiles.

[stilltrucking]

Assent--and you are sane--- Demur--you're straightway dangerous--- And handled with a Chain-- ...

Kind of reminds me of God Bless You Mr Rosewater, when Captain Rosewater heard "the big click"

[SadLuckDame]

ppp
just read for first time.
Loved the ending...be fruitful and multiply.

[stilltrucking]

I wonder if God Bless You Mr Rosewater was the first novel about PTSD?

I am not so much afraid of gravity as my own sense of humor. I don't know how offensive it is. My soul not that evolved I think.

I would like to peruse this.

PHENOMENOLOGY
OF LIFE
FROM THE ANIMAL SOUL
TO THE HUMAN MIND
BOOK II
The Human Soul in the Creative
Transformation of the Mind


http://www.springerlink.com/content/978 ... 2&locus=70