A Thing Called Love

[edsiejka]

One day a Republican man
Walking the streets of our great city
Chanced to meet a Democratic lady
Now, the Republican man was a dog lover and he owned Fido
Our Democratic lady was a cat fancier
And her pet’s name was Princess.

Emotions can attract unlike people
And so it happened to our hapless couple
The Republican man and the Democratic woman,
Wishing to avoid unnecessary entanglements
Pre nuptial agreements,
Inheritance rights
Property assets
Privilege of first born
Decided to avoid marriage altogether
And merely co-habitate.
As is well known, the Republican man was interested in sex
While the Democratic lady valued companionship
However this may be
Their relationship worked relatively well.

In this arrangement Fido’s bowl was kept near the kitchen back door
Princess’s bowl was kept in the bathroom
Between the tub and the sink
A cool place near running water
And often a quiet spot
Far from the noise and smells of the main house.

Now one day Fido was ambling about in the usual doggy fashion,
“Which way did he go… uh…uh…which way did he go…
Uh… job well done Brownie”
When he carelessly and thoughtlessly took a dump in the bathroom.
Upon seeing the mess the Republican man merely said, “Tsk, tsk...”
And the Democratic lady exclaimed, “Shame on you Fido...You made some mess”
Needless to say our Princess,
A feline and a canine hater extraordinaire was not happy at Fido’s intrusion
She was, how would you say, beyond irritation
She was so pissed off as to be white hot.

Now, all the great poets say that revenge is best served cold.

One frosty November morning
Fido was in the backyard
Wandering about aimlessly
His descending appendage or should I say appendages swaying to and fro
A brown nugget of unprotected manhood
For all the world to see
Now Princess
A most astute and watchful feline
Seized the opportunity,
Hunkering down on her haunches
She approached Fido from the rear
And in the shadow of an instant
Jumped up
And took a swipe with her sharp claws at his dangling appendages
Now Fido jumped;
He screamed;
His pain could be felt over three backyards.
A closer examination
By an experienced veterinarian
Revealed that Fido’s descending appendage or appendages
Were nearly ripped off
And in fact my friends
The dog’s brown nugget
Hung by a mere sliver of skin.

The moral of this story
Is that if you fuck with this cat
You will get her claws.
For my gentle readers
Who cannot bear such strong words
A simple reminder is sufficient,
When all is said and done
Remember this dear friends
If you remember nothing else:
A dog's a dog--a cat's a cat.

[stilltrucking]

That was fun to read.
Thank you.

Stupid republican dogs.

[dadio]

that is how it is and how well you express that, ed.