ALL ALONE.

Post your poetry, any style.
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dadio
Posts: 4652
Joined: December 10th, 2010, 1:20 pm

ALL ALONE.

Post by dadio » September 1st, 2011, 7:52 am

All alone except for
The dame sitting across
The way drinking coffee
Her lips ready to sip her
Hands holding the cup
Her finger looped through
The handle and she closes
Her eyes as she sips and
You notice how the lips part
And how the raised cup touches
The softness of her and you
Watch and imagine the lips are
Touching yours and she is
Emptying you of all your juices
And swallowing you up and
Draining you away just like the
Contents of the cappuccino cup.
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theirishsea
Posts: 630
Joined: March 29th, 2009, 8:09 am

Re: ALL ALONE.

Post by theirishsea » September 2nd, 2011, 8:54 am

A beautiful poem.


One question---though it works---these lines

Her lips ready to sip her
Hands holding the cup


seem to say her lips are ready to sip her hands. It works but it startles me----unlike everything else in the poem which seems so natural. Did I read the line right?
The Irish Sea Is Always In Turmoil, Even When Calm.

Kailashana
Posts: 466
Joined: August 4th, 2011, 1:52 pm

Re: ALL ALONE.

Post by Kailashana » September 2nd, 2011, 10:16 am

This is how I read it:

Her lips ready to sip (comma) her
Hands holding the cup

I so dislike poems published that begin every line with capitals. It offends my eyes, I think. It seems some publishers are insistent on this antiquated (imo) form, it doesn't allow for the flow of the poem. My eyes get caught trying to make sense of beginnings and ending lines.

~A

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dadio
Posts: 4652
Joined: December 10th, 2010, 1:20 pm

Re: ALL ALONE.

Post by dadio » September 2nd, 2011, 1:56 pm

This kind of stream of consciousness poetry brings it problems, but that is how the muse wants it. Thank you both for reading & insightful comments.

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