Cancer lady, firstly

[the mingo]

Ahh, tragic ... I'll make a note ... she went to all that trouble just for that kiss then off to marry his competitor ... nothing like a little romance to chase the blues -

Sure is sexy, no, erotic for you to be mad at me like that.

Shameless ! I couldn't love it more

[SadLuckDame]

It's a simple choice if she didn't think she would have him,
to love again, etc.
It's melancholy.

[the mingo]

if she gives up that easy she is going to really disappoint me. All that wild fire gone to waste. And just where does she think she can go to find another man like that?

[SadLuckDame]

lol, brat.
Are we talking about her or I?
I was young and I hadn't found a man that could truly keep me.
Anyway, I have not regrets.

I can't get to sleep, so I'm drinking a glass of wine and reading War and Peace.
neenie neenie

[SadLuckDame]

I can't sleep, I've been crying and my head is pounding
one of my very wonderful spirited girl friends passed away tonight.
It is difficult. I spend a lot of my time out with her, I can still see the fresh glit in her eyes, she was very perceptive and observant, her eyes went everywhere, they'd eat me up on a constant. And her contagious spirit, her laugh, being so full of this lively cat-magic twinkle and now to know it is gone to memory.
I don't know what I'm going to do with tonight.
I'm useless with it.

[the mingo]

I'm so sorry, Doll.

[SadLuckDame]

Thank you, mingo.
It's never going to be easy when it's the challenge of saying goodbye.
I know that you too know.

Do me like this today and think of cardinals. I'd walk down the street to her house (in good weathers) and sit on the porch with her, she knew all her visiting bird friends, she knew which two were lovers and we'd do that, ya know.
A lot of blue jays and suches visited too, but she thought it an extra blessing when the cardinals made love calls out on the branches.

She talked to cats, too.
Made my imagination take in bucket-loads.
I mean I can believe a thing if someone can truly believe in it too, it's like we're in cahoots, making things bigger, better, life more wonderful.

[stilltrucking]

A great truth is a truth whose opposite is also a truth.
thomas mann essay on freud

[SadLuckDame]

It's a funny thing about truths in dreams, Jack.
A lot to do with dreams last night. I drove up a snowy road that went straight up, it was the straightest road I've ever seen and it spooked me. I stopped trying to drive up it and I just let it take me up instead. Crazy to me, it took me straight to the top and then it stalled out. I hid behind a snow bank, until all the traffic went by.

[stilltrucking]

woke up this morning from a dream about the green green grass of home

a couple nights ago I dreamed about my father. He looked so young in my dream and then when I woke up I realized that I am eight years older than he was when he died.

I can't remember if I had the dream before or after I heard this song on the radio



For Crazy Mike, rest in peace

[SadLuckDame]

I know, Jack.
I am glad for mine, on Father's Day when I had called and said, "Thanks for being a great father to me." And he said, "I hope I was a good father." It sounded sad the way it came out across the lines, but I'm a bit selfish or what-haves and I was thinking 'Of course, I mean I like me.'

I mean that is the math equation, it's what it all equals or the sum or sumpin'.
Although I never know how to reply when you talk about your father, I know that I really like to read about it and take it in, because I too deal a lot about those things relating and fathers and stuffs that are a great difficulty for me to voice rightly, but touching or/and dark or/and crazy or/and loving.
Thank you, Jack.

[stilltrucking]

fathers and sons
mothers and daughters
childhood memories
family histories

not so much about my father anymore not for a long time, it is always about family for me, tribes, I read some scholary paper I hardly understood that a tribe and a family the same thing. maybe so I don't know I had trouble with the math
Random thoughts about random thoughts the square root of minus one and chi squares, Summer of 1962 summer school crazy mike died in the spring, April naturally cruel I suppose, only good memory of that year was Sarah Tannenbaum's smile. A man could live on ther smiles. The summero of 1972 a lonely long ten years in between.. College Park MD again, Taking a math course again, this one called Statistics for the Behavioral Sciences, spooky math blew my mind or maybe it was the catcus buttons. got so abstract I felt her warm lips wet with the rain on mine and walked away from college at the tender age of 33 after twelve years as a sophomore. I guess Crazy Mike would say "You just can't stand success" Not so much about Crazy Mike as the whole clan. He was just the most difficult to write about, so much fear.

thanks for being a cyber pen pal, glad you like to read, I like your poetry too.

frist full day of summer tomorrow I think
happy summering ever after to you dame
don't forget to stomp your feets in the missippi mud.
the longest day of the year tomorrow, and I only got to work for the man two hours. I been busy, was going to ask where you been, then I remembered I ain't been here much either.

[SadLuckDame]

I don't know where I been except here, just been here and at times I start to think I've always been here.
I guess I don't write very much though, but I still see you and have our talks, you know. I am relieved it is summer, a hot one today for us. I feel more at home in summer than I do in winter, although if asked, I'd have to truthfully reply that I have seen more winter than summers. Weird, I know it.

[stilltrucking]

I could not remember the name of that river, the Yough? If I lived in upper New York State I wouold remember more winters too. But it is always summer here it seems.

[SadLuckDame]

Yes, the Youghiogheny River or lake.
Here is a link, Jack.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Youghiogheny_River
And I found a few new pictures of it that my family photographed this season that I will post.