Jane sat on her haunches
and opened her hands
to show the butterfly
she had just captured
from a nearby flower
and said the name of it
but you were studying
her sitting there
the way she opened her hands
like some flower
in the morning light
spreading its petals
and her eyes bright
and deep
set on the wings
of the butterfly
and its opening
and closing of wings
and she smiled
and she said something else
but the words escaped you
not the tone or softness
of her voice
but the words
the structure
and meaning of them
and you looked
at her legs
spread downward
beneath
the summery dress
of red and orange
and the sun making
her warm
and you sitting there
wanting to lean forward
and touch her hands
maybe to stroke
the butterfly
but
no
she said
the wings are so delicate
they may damage
just look and see
and she moved her hands
closer to you
and you smelt her scent
the perfume
she said her mother
gave her
and you breathed it in
as you leaned forward
and the butterfly took off
and she watched it go
and waved it goodbye
and then turned
and looked at you
and you felt a warm passion
flow through you
as she gazed
into your eyes
and spoke
but the words
slipped away
like the butterfly
but the perfume
was still there
and her hands closed
and she placed them
over yours
as you sat opposite
and the sun warmed
and blessed both
your heads
and the butterfly
disappeared over
the high hedge
and away
and her words
were lost to you
that moment
of that summery day.
JANE AND YOU AND THE BUTTERFLY.
JANE AND YOU AND THE BUTTERFLY.
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Re: JANE AND YOU AND THE BUTTERFLY.
CLASS TELL......class.......D
Re: JANE AND YOU AND THE BUTTERFLY.
Thank you, David. 

Re: JANE AND YOU AND THE BUTTERFLY.
nice flow, like the natural movement of mother nature, on and on...the reader caught up in the anticipation and recollections of youth.....very nice
If you do not change your direction
you may end up where you are heading
you may end up where you are heading
Re: JANE AND YOU AND THE BUTTERFLY.
Thank you, saw.
- constantine
- Posts: 2677
- Joined: March 9th, 2008, 9:45 am
Re: JANE AND YOU AND THE BUTTERFLY.
i think the structure you employed is impeccable - it draws out the sense of longing; it lingers, and enables the reader to feel as you felt.
Re: JANE AND YOU AND THE BUTTERFLY.
Thank you, Constantine. 

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