Bandit Notions

[creativesoul]

there is so much more to say than - pop-
really?

[the mingo]

yeah - some days I just can't believe my own rules

[creativesoul]

funny- and then maybe -not so funny- why do we make rules?
no one obeys them anyways

[the mingo]

it's a curious interface that one - it tends to get my neurons firing - part of it, say games for example, goes "no rules - no game" - without "rules" no game or amusement of mankind would be possible - self-evident, no? - but if we are talking "laws" now we are in the soup. The fact that we can't live with each other without laws points out the existence of sin. It's vicious is what it is. And a comedy too but that does not mean it's funny. Take marriage as a for instance. A man & a woman take comfort in one another's company and find that living together to the exclusion of other partners suits them. It's what they want and in this sense a natural outgrowth of what is in their hearts. How this bond became a "contract situation" with "legal" ramifications is beyond me but that is what happened. Laws came into play from the first formal "I do" - so now we have "marriage laws" and the corollary, "divorce laws" backed up and enforced by the "state" - and now there is another whole can of worms - one which I'm going to leave alone for the time being - anyways. lets take a quick run at the Ten Commandments - the word commandment scares folks but if you look at the commandments themselves as they stand, at the intent of each one, it is found that they are meant to avoid harm. If an individual were to abide by these simple guides then he would bring no harm to himself and therefore & more importantly, no harm to anyone else.
Maybe, now that I think of it, they are not so much commandments as they are revelations.
They give us what is called these days "self-knowledge" not only to our own true nature but to our relationship to the true natures of those we live among. Whew! told ya this gets my neurons firing - and this is too much work before breakfast ! As the Indians say, "It is a good day for breakfast!"

[creativesoul]

well i think that there is much truth to be had- and that with all that truth- i am once again faced with a question- so how come we like it so much- that we lie for it?
that 'image' in our mind- that we actully think ourselves capable of judging another- and if that guy needs to bow down and wash his hands five times a day and pray with all his friends wherever he is or at a mosque well that is good enough for me- but the rules thing- i have to love people from a far- because it hurts and it is dangerous- to mix up with romance and strange rituals and then finally smoke rings on the ceiling- thinking- oh my god not this again - so married or not co-habiation- even sin is over rated as is sex on viagra- at any rate- i still believe in a body that resembles a woman=[my own] and i think men are beautiful but stingy with their toys and = the heart- well i think most of them are 'the cowardly lion' in the wizard of oz- because i can-0 say that-been around the world- been married 4 times- that is four dresses- toasters and houses- for him- i would get on my knees=- but i have been standing since i walked away from the last murader- musky balled lover i had four years ago- is like old and moldy cheese now- i have gotten hungry for other things-

[creativesoul]

tommorow i go kyaking with my roommate- i am going to hear live music in this hillbilly town that i love- when i lived there- they called me 'the buffalo gal' and they used to sing to me- i never went out that much-
but they are finish and swedish and old school- farmers and a cousin of someones who was a gi--l-netter-back in the salmon and timber boom- this place was full of people- now it is just the people that cannot live the way other people do- that there never has been much that was real normal- was it the side effects of childhood or was it just the stardust got into those eyes-and i was dreaming of a time when the indians were here and the houses were filled with church going folk- and the trees---------- but the beaver s have long been running things back here - on beaver homes -
there is a school house and a church near by- but for the most part= it is all about the way things used to be- and the way they are now-
and how are they now?
the same as they always were- you can count on them to be exactly the same as the last time i saw them-consistant- reliable- predictable-what will i do different ? nuthing

[the mingo]

At eighteen I left this place - joined the Navy right out of high school so the draft would not catch me living a fantasy life or otherwise napping - did two tours - came back to the States and began drifting - the writers make of life on the road a romance but that is far from the truths I found there - the romance of it all escaped me - I spent thirty years that way mostly because I did not care - came back here to bury my father and several years after that came back again to bury my mother - and stayed ... not because of any other reason than I was tired of movement - so here i am - grown old and enjoying riding a bicycle around - the world and I no longer impress one another very much and even though she calls out to me once in awhile for me it's a case of "time was ain't now" ... everything that once made this burg home is long since gone - either eaten by neglect, fire, or the passage of the years ... my first wife is already in the ground, my sons are in their forties, one of my grandchildren is halfway to being a man himself and the other two ain't far behind - today as I was biking into town I pulled up into a graveyard - you have to climb all the way up the ridge to get to the grave where I was going which is just over the top on the backside of the ridge - I have a friend whose bones are buried back there - she died at the age of sixteen, her whole life before her, from the accidental discharge of a .22 caliber rifle to her brain - every so often I stop there and leave a small stone on the marker - I do not believe in pessimism or optimism or any other such superstition - I believe in the placing of small stones on a friend's grave and going back down the hill and out into the flow of traffic with my mouth closed against the certain prospect of any hypocrisy - including my own.

I do not know what you are looking for, Jana, whatever it is I'm sure you will find it one way or another. If not then I'm sure it will find you.

[creativesoul]

i think that if you knew how meaningful that story is to me- i dunno- touching in many ways- and the solo= bike rides- always worked for me- lol- i want to lie- embelish- i want to tell you pretty stories about my childhood- and i have some- i do- but they are not fairy tales- like the ones i want to tell-
i want to tell you that the bruises on my soul will go away- and that i will stop wanting to be in love- late at night - on 80 acres as far away as i can get from anybody- then i pray fro a mate- looking at the stars- smoking-
my dream man has hair- and a smile that makes me grin like a small child--i paint- he builds things- he is beautiful to me-- and he does not mind that i cannot eat chocloate- or that i am allergic to wheat- in a cheeseless world-
he will like it that i am active- that i go to the gym- that i want to look female when the hormones reverse- - i want to be able to care for myself- but i could use some help- i hope he loves the human body and mine too-
at any rate- i dont want to lie- i have been married 4 times- and i loved every part except the last two weeks of sharing my life with them-that last two
weeks in any relationship is a doozy- i used to think people 'fell in love' like a hole that captures a tiger in the jungle-
and when that tiger wants out- she gets pissed-

so i ask - does love find you where you are- in a town that breathes secrets and lifelong histories=or are we all just more intrigued with antiquity?sentiment? frothy appeals to the heart-love seems to dominate and drench everything with it s scent-the way my dog searches me when i come home-
i had to open the windows- there is quite a bit of love in her maybe that man can feel me vibrating - like a duped fool- he is wandering in the forest 'looking for me' that s it yeah uh huh- for sure0-

[the mingo]

I can't speak for love - I shudder to think what I might say if I could. Currently I'm not looking in her direction & if she shows up looking for me I hope to God I'm faster on the draw than she is - I have nothing against love it's just that I am old now and love is a lot of bother and spooky & I'm not as concerned about it these days as much as I once was - I would wish you well though from the heart and hope that everything you want to happen does.

For myself I have only this day ahead of me to consider which is more than enough for me at this point so I hope the rain holds off - if it does I will bike into town & return the kickstand one of my sons gave me to try out ( it did not fit ) and then head over to the coffee shop for espresso and a game of chess and after that, win or lose, I'll sit there for a bit and watch the comings & goings & advances or retreats of my fellow human beings there at the corner of East First & Utica on the banks of the river just west of the upper bridge. Then I will bike on back here to the lodge and take the hound for a walk. Maybe even clean the place up & do the dishes.

" The earth is a depot where wingless angels pass the time waiting for the long ride home.
Seeing a small boy smiling in the corner I said to him, ' You must be anxious to go home.'
' I am home', he replied, ' I just come here to play the games.'
Oliver Makin - 1902

[creativesoul]

i so like the part of spooky and -as in your description- yet even when i deny that i could maybe use some good ole fashioned loving- i am still having conservation issues with my soul-
one of the strange things about getting happy is that it doesnt matter what they do- it matters what i do- - so i will find love- in the marshlands on a little red kyak

[the mingo]

The only thing I ever found in the cattail marshes that line the eastern shore of Lake Ontario were turtles, great blue herons, big fat bullfrogs, bloodsuckers, & red wing blackbirds - ok, so once in awhile a pair of swans, hawks, ospreys, eagles, and o yeah a carcass of a deer staring up at me from the bottom of dark waters - I thought I had gone to the spirit world and was having a vision there for a second - ha, funning ya - no really though that's all I've ever seen in the marshes - but if you can find love in a little red kayak in a marsh I'll call you Double Great Heavy Duty Medicine Woman and bring offerings & wish you well

[the mingo]

jambomb - the mothers began it all
giving eyes to the fathers in the school halls
now who needs who so many words attaching
themselves to rhythms matched & unmatching
things created & the reason of destructions
make room for continuing combustions
with the babies all coming
yeah the babies now bumping
up against the Constitution
all the bridges we now see
was made by the forefathers of you and me
before we even got born
was God who made the sea
toot your horn
blow it loud
blow it soft
blow it north
blow it south
let everybody know
your reason for a mouth
to start something that continues
after you've left for
some other place
easy as breathin' and all your love
gone quiet in the earth

[stilltrucking]

life is precious
life is cheap
raise up a generation of viper's
some say it is a woman's fault

a rooty tooty toot toot
jam

[creativesoul]

- - - so many beautiful days roll accross the skies of priceless transformations---
listening the the drips of conversation- the moisture in the air- little kisses from the spirit world surround the entire plot to make us happy- that is correct- it is not life- that makes me live-it is the gift of inhale and exhale- of which i have no control- oh but the idea that - i had a choice- or that none of these things belong to me- is really something- now isnt it- ?
the cough that wakes me
still and quiet-i run down the hallways=
opening and closing doors- getting larger then smaller- then becoming invisable to reach for the key that opens the sight that allows me to hear what i really am trying to say
listening with the dog ears to sounds in the distance- sometimes reggae - sometimes it is the wind and leaves =blowing - hot sweet colors of summer grace my eyes

[creativesoul]

Clearly the key word is " admited