Magic (Revision 1)

[theirishsea]

tap-tap

quick flips of paper
a swish of cloth

all heads magnetized
to one point
the man with a wand

it is magic
how a baton
thinner than a divining rod
or Moses’ mythical staff
can part the silence
and roar a swell of sound
with the slightest quiver
or grandest sweep.
Look how the arm attached is possessed,
a snake of sound follows motion’s instrument,
how the cloud of silence parts,
the vibration of sunlight blows through
heralding brass tubes
or moonlit merry piccolos
It is magic how a person
with nothing but a stick and his body-sway like a tree
in the Furioso of storm
can cause others
to expound a round of musical theme,
a volley in a war,
a rumble, grumble,
or so pianissimo
an enchanted faerie dance,
a tinkle of feet,
a fey wink, a pinch of sound
in the broth until the wrath of God
or human tragedy
rebounds, simmers seriously,
explodes in grandiose procession,
vast percussion thumping,
stumping along a dark enchanted night
until the morning's twitter
of daily rivers
feather their movement
and the bows and strings wing
aspiration or sorrow
or the very timbre of joy itself
O Magic
Mountain of Sound,
Fountain of Sound,
how from a thin reed
and the tap at the beginning,
a child's ear
not knowing the score,
or what a score is,
hears
out of thin air
thick swaths of dancing music,
as if the gods obeyed.

[theirishsea]

Studio 8 gang. I need your criticism. Point out all the mistakes and errors in this piece. This is the first revision. I'm not letting other people best me in poetry. I need your help. I know this is not the final poem. It won't pass muster with certain critics. I'm begging for your most penetrating criticism.

[saw]

it's a damn good poem to me as it is, and I would not have offered anything hadn't you implored us....you do a marvelous job illuminating the maestro's baton and the ensuing magic that comes forth from that initial tap tap

minor suggestions would be lose the "in" before the Furioso of storm, I think it leads better into the next line....

I kind if like "in the broth" to follow, "a pinch of sound" on the same line....leaving "until the wrath of God" to occupy a line by itself

also what do you think about changing " vast percussion thumping" to
percussion's vast thumping....

and finally i was wondering if "thick swaths of dancing music" might be altered to
thick swaths of dancing notes

as i said these are minor ideas for a solid poem, that I make because you were really looking for suggestions...best of luck with the revision

[theirishsea]

saw, thanks for your suggestions. I will incorporate most of them in the poem a little later today.

[theirishsea]

tap-tap

quick flips of paper
a swish of cloth

all heads magnetized
to one point
the man with a wand

it is magic
how a baton
thinner than a divining rod
or Moses’ mythical staff
can part the silence
and roar a swell of sound
with the slightest quiver
or grandest sweep.
Look how the arm attached is possessed,
a snake of sound follows motion’s instrument,
how the cloud of silence parts,
the vibration of sunlight blows through
heralding brass tubes
or moonlit merry piccolos
It is magic how a person
with nothing but a stick and his body-sway like a tree
in the Furioso of storm
can cause others
to expound a round of musical theme,
a volley in a war,
a rumble, grumble,
or so pianissimo
an enchanted faerie dance,
a tinkle of feet,
a fey wink, a pinch of sound
in the simmering melody
until the wrath of God
or human tragedy
rebounds, steams seriously,
explodes in grandiose procession,
percussion’s vast thumping,
stumping along a dark enchanted night
until the morning's twitter
of daily rivers
feather their movement
and the bows and strings wing
aspiration or sorrow
or the very timbre of joy itself.
O Magic
Mountain of Sound,
Fountain of Sound,
how from a thin reed
and the tap at the beginning,
a child's ear
not knowing the score,
or what a score is,
hears
out of thin air
thick swaths of dancing music,
as if the waving of the wand
sprinkled, deluged an ocean
of sound.

[theirishsea]

I've got more to do to get this right.