Why do I feel I understood why. I sure sign my mania has flipped to depression is when I start reading the Bell Jar again.At hat vague hour between dark and down …the roof …was deserted.
Quiet as a burglar in my cornflower-sprigged bathrobe, I crept to the edge of the parapet. The parapet reached almost to my shoulders, so I dragged a folding chair from the stack against the wall, opened it, and climbed onto the precarious seat.
A stiff breeze lifted the hair from my head. At my feet the cit doused its lights in sleep, its buildings blackened as if for a funeral.
It was my last night. I grasped the bundle I carried and pulled at a pale tail. A strapless elasticized slip which, in the course of wear, had lost its elasticity, slumped into my hand. I waved it like a flag of truce, once, twice… The breeze caught it. And I let go.
A white flake floated out into the night, and began its slow descent. I wondered on what street or rooftop it would come to rest.
Piece by piece, I fed my wardrobe to the night wind, and fluttering like a loved one’s ashes the gray scraps were ferried off to settle here, there, exactly where I would never know, in the dark heart of New York.
I called it suicidal despair, probably being melodramatic, but that is how I felt. As if I was freeing myself
I keep on deleting posts
I could become a Lutheran
Next time I feel that sinister desire to kill me off
I could say
Get thee behind me satan.
Meanwhile I am sorry for any threads I have defaced with my ...
but i just can't bring myself to say
Never again.
they say the fear of God is the begining of wisdom
that is all I can tell you
i am still afraid I might do it again.
best just not to post again.
