Roller Coaster

[Doreen Peri]

My sister sent me a memory by text.

She said,
You and I went on a roller coaster
at Glen Echo when we were kids.

The whole time you said,
I hate this! I hate this! I hate this! I wanna get off! I wanna get off!

When it ended, you said, Let's go again! Let's go again!
I'm certain the same thing will happen when I die.

[stilltrucking]

You sent me a memory of my sister from sixty years ago— a dark time in her life—she used to wish she had never been born.

Let's go again!

[Doreen Peri]

That's exactly it.

[judih]

it's a crazy ride, but it's the only one in town

[Doreen Peri]

I used to think like your sister sometimes.
Not any more! I absolutely love this ride!
I want to keep getting on it.
It's scary sometimes but the highs are worth it.

I should create T-shirts:
I'm in it for the Love of the Ride!

[stilltrucking]

You are sending me into my family history. Please pardon my ramble.

Tolstoy and unhappy families
three brothers and a sister
I am a lucky man
I don't how it happened but my siblings are my dearest friends

I remember when my little sister said that to me. I was stunned. Even in my deepest depression, I don't ever remember wishing I had not been born. I thought about suicide plenty when I was a kid. Even tried to hang myself, just pretending but it almost worked, it scared me plenty.
To wish not to be born never occurred to me. Somehow that seems worse than wishing your self dead.
Maybe not worse but different. Not sure what the difference is— maybe it is the difference between a man and a woman?
Not to be born seems more profound than just being dead.
It has taken me years to learn how to listen to my sister.
If Gertrude Stein is right, maybe if I repeat enough I might be able to express this


somehow we grew out of the unhappiness with love for each other.
the insanity made us band together.
sorry D

[Doreen Peri]

Nothing to apologize for! Glad you and your sister are so close and happy to know you both grew out of the era of unhappiness!

[creativesoul]

We chose distance as something like absence makes the heart grow fonder- grandpa left granny to make a movie-
I married a man that lived in Nigeria for four months at a time and came home for two weeks- or a musical from New Orleans- or a man that loved the ocean as much as he loved me
But I’m all these places I could hide behind the masks
Of polite and be invisible
This is not so easy at six feet tall
My only real dream as a child was to move out of my parents house-
I live alone now
My father died recently
My mother is painting in Reston Virginia
I am so happy I was born
Not so sure what to do with that information

But the up and down of love and lust I traded in for kindness
Something is different
The child in me glows with satisfaction
Because I do not really put much pressure on her to do things
Anxiety
The election
My ADD
I ptsd
I fucking do not care anymore about silly things
My family is the thing that gives me a reason to be born again a thousand times
Because we are somehow woven of the same strands
Like comparing our feet and hands
We learned how to love each other
I have a sister
She lives in bindi Australia
She also chose “ distance” her husband is working on films quite a bit
It is hard for her to see other pols perspectives
Unless she is working on a film
She is dismissive and aggressive
But I love her in spite of any irritation I may experience
She is one of those scorpion women
There is not much space left in the room
When she arrives
Things get loud and strange
But I watch and listen
And wonder about those strands
I became a grandma

[creativesoul]

The other day I had a complete physical
I learned some things about my body those old wives never told me about once again
Always amazed

[Hypatia]

Time loves a hero

I am grateful that I lived long enough to die old
Yeah distance can be a cure
maybe not a 'healing' in the Native American meaning of the word.
but it is an analgesic
temporary relief from pain
I did that in 1963 after Jack was murdered in Dallas.

Away from everyone I knew, and who knew me
like a fresh start
but I was still me
still had my head up my ass
still out of this world
like a stranger living in my head
but it established a pattern of running away from situations
eventually, I ran so long I became a long haul truck driver
the road was my home sweet home
almost lost my mind when I came to the end of that road
but I stumbled onto litkicks one day and that made all the difference.

oh well, I have paved another 1/4 mile on the road to good intentions
I apologise to the board monitors
for the username
I do not wish to be frivolous on the poetry board,
this is the heart of studio eight
it is only ego, don't mean nothing, but I feel like I have a reason

no more big R revelations at me at this time of my life
all my revelations are small ones
every morning I wake up and find I still have my head up my ass
but not nearly so much static in my attic

[stilltrucking]

Time was when I was afraid of my own shadow.
does time make heroes?

When I Go again would I go differently


seems as time goes by
remorse fades
amor fati
happiness is the fulfillment of a childhood wish, so say the Froodians
We are strange and wondrously made, does any other creature seeks cheap thrills like roller coasters.?

[Doreen Peri]

Avatar courtesy of Gabby Hayes

I always thought that photo was you. Haha

[creativesoul]

As it turns out
The best is yet to come
Getting old is not for wimps


The place where I live
All the older folks come
Snowbirds they call them-
I am studying these women
What they wear when it’s 120 degrees
The make up ..
Etc
I am fascinated by the colorful birds they are
As they are quite old
Some of them die
It’s an odd thing death
People die
And if they had a beautiful life
They head out on the beam
The soul flies

[saw]

the thrill
the speed
the wrenching
the high
that's life at it's best

to balance it all out we have
the vomiting, the chiropractor
and the clean underwear

roll along
the rickety tracks
pray for a good ride
squeal squeal squeal
that's life

[still.trucking]

Hypatia's avatar is me, or me ten years ago or so.
never thought I would get to be older than the famous Hollywood cowboy,


"that's life at it's best"
10-4 steve, it seems we are wired for motion, momentum, moving, rolling free like a wheel out of our own center

big sad apes with our internal combustion engines

I ride the ego trip roller coaster, I am up I am down, I am cool, and a jerk,
square but obtuse.

My spine is so brittle it would break on a roller coaster,
so I seek my cheap thrills on a keyboard.