The Whole Day Went Dark

[the mingo]

my testosterone has been chopped
medically castrated by injection last week
in prep for radiation treatments
I couldn't hold my water today and had to scrap today's scheduled treatment
you have to have a full bladder for that and I suddenly couldn't hold water anymore
not even for 15 minutes

I'm mad at the goddamn pills
they are no good now
I want hope and get handed a pill
they call it the practice of medicine
marvel of marvels

I had to stop on the road on the way home from the treatment center
in a panic to get my dick out to piss before I pissed all over myself while traffic went by
I didn't quite make it and couldn't hide from the traffic
forget pride, hell, forget simple cleanliness,
and hygiene ? hygiene is for the healthy

cancer trumps covid
and just about everything else

the body is fine when it works as it should
but when it doesn't ...

not because I wanted to
or because I was drunk
but because I couldn't stop it

I pissed on my shoes today on a public road

[saw]

I hope for you down the road this will simply be a bad memory on your journey to good health......having had stage 3 bladder cancer, I can attest to dark days....and fucking the modesty as you try to hold onto a shred of dignity.....things that you used to be able to count on....we all know what our body can do.......and sometimes that's taken away.....and there are a lot of bad surprises......but stay strong....personally I know one can get through it.....Kick its Ass, Mingo !

[judih]

In some cultures, peeing at the side of the road is a given.
(may you be kind to yourself as you discover what your body is going through). And thanks for allowing us to hear you.

[sasha]

I had the opposite problem in the hours following my surgery. I couldn't feel the lower half of my body, much less move it. Ultrasound indicated that my bladder was too full, but I couldn't loosen the sphincter muscle to relieve myself - I couldn't even feel it. So I had to be catheterized instead. And once the spinal finally did wear off, they gave me this Tupperware thingy to pee into overnight. It went against all my toilet training to use that thing in bed - and trying to piss while sitting on your prostate goes against nature.

The heart monitor embedded inside me has picked up several episodes of tachycardia, some of which have perfectly normal explanations: brisk walking, shoveling snow... and sexual activity. Explaining the latter to the cardiologist when my medical record clearly states "Single - lives alone" takes me back to the Confessional when I was 13. The tradeoff seems to be dignity vs stayin' alive. Ol' Steverino knows whereof he speaks.

Hang in there, man. It's all grist for humorous anecdotes once it's behind us, we just gotta put it there first.

[stilltrucking]

thank you for writing about it.
please be kind to yourself

[saw]

Roy.... do you have a loop recorder imbedded in your chest ?.......Reason I ask, my cardiologist suggested I should get one

I wore a heart monitor called a Zio patch for 14 days without anything measurably of note, but he said sometimes that isn't long enough to pick up whatever the problem is

Hey, maybe we need a new category here with Poetry, Haiku, Art......Medical Mysteries....what do you think ?...

[sasha]

Roy.... do you have a loop recorder imbedded in your chest ?.......Reason I ask, my cardiologist suggested I should get one

Yup. I wore one of those external monitors for two weeks following my stroke because they thought AFib had caused it - but, as you said, AFib is unpredictable, and 2 wks wasn't enough time to see anything of interest. So they stuck this thing with a 3-yr life under my skin & sent me home with a bedside device that would automatically upload the data via cell link to the mothership. The procedure itself is pretty unremarkable - outpatient, 30 minutes max, most of which is paperwork. They didn't even knock me out - some of the sounds & pressures (snip snip crunch crunch) made me a little uneasy, and I couldn't help but crack a few bad jokes to ease my anxiety - asked him if I should start being more careful what I say when I talk to myself. I think for a moment he thought I was serious.

[saw]

some doctors have no sense of humor

2 questions

1. how long have you had it ?
2. has anything shown up to worry about ?

sorry mingo.... I'm hoping to get some anecdotal info here........apologize for taking this in another direction

[sasha]

It's been in there for 2 years - 1 to go before the battery dies
in that time they've seen a few instances of rapid heartbeat concerning enough to put me on metoprolol
I've only been taking that for a week, so it's too early to say if it does any more than contribute to Merck's bottom line

[the mingo]

Thx Saw, I'm only on my second week into this and it has already kicked my ass. I'm reminded of something my grandfather said the last time I saw him in the hospital. He said,"You throw a young man on the ground he bounces, you throw an old man on the ground he don't bounce" - I'm gonna have to lay off mammoth hunting for the rest of the season ... tell the boys I'm with them in spirit out there on the ice ... and Thx -

[the mingo]

Thx judih, I don't usually write this kind of thing, Thx for listening - I appreciate it <*)(*>

[the mingo]

Things have certainly taken me by surprise, Roy, and just when I could really use some my sense of humor seems to have gone on vacation - figures ... I've put a ride on the Erie Canal Trail on my bucket list and I'm gonna do it one way or the other

[the mingo]

Thx Jack, you hear what the Canadian truckers have done over Covid mandates? Hundreds of them formed a convoy of hundreds of trucks and drove all the way to Ottawa from all over the country and turned Ottawa into a parking lot - they have been there almost two weeks now and most of the country is supporting them - those guys up there have lifted my heart - Thx for reading - I appreciate it

[the mingo]

sorry mingo.... I'm hoping to get some anecdotal info here........apologize for taking this in another direction

It's ok, Steve - takes my mind off myself which is a plus -

[stilltrucking]

Yes I heard about those Canadian truckers with confederate flags. Sometimes I wish England won in 1776, we could all be Canadians

With raindrops on my windshield and teardrops on my stirring wheels
This lonely truck's the only thing I own
In my heart I'm pining while her old engine's whining
With 18 wheels a humming home sweet home

please be better soon and thanks for staying in touch. I don't think I can deal with any new pips