Age difference in relationships

[mnaz]

How much of an age difference in a relationship might be considered too much? Does it matter? Any thoughts on this? Yes I know, it depends on the two people involved. Still though, I'm curious.

[sasha]

interesting... more than one of my paramours has been significantly younger than I at the time. I've heard the (mostly humorous?) rule of thumb for the youngest socially acceptable partner: "half your age plus 7 years"... Without ever doing the calculation beforehand, I've stayed within that guideline.

So if your age is A, and Xmin is the youngest you can date without raising eyebrows, then Xmin=7+A/2. It might be instructive to convert that to a percentage P of your own age: P=100*Xmin/A = 100(7+A/2)/A, or P=50(1+14/A) % your own age. Note that the older you are - that is, the larger A becomes - 14/A gets smaller and smaller, so the percentage approaches 50%. If you're old enough, it's not considered unseemly to be with someone half your age.

According to this, the youngest a 20-yr can date someone 85% their age, or 17; a 30-yr old can date a 22-yr old; a 40-yr old can date a 27-yr old; etc. A 200-yr old can date someone 53% their age, namely a 107-yr old youngster. 'Course, the other party might not concur with the math......

[judih]

when in doubt, math

[Doreen Peri]

I don’t think it matters what other people think. It’s not their business. I’ve comfortably had relationships with men up to ten years difference in age. That’s just me. I’m sure others have experienced a wider gap. If the gap in age is too much, you’ll feel it. It won’t be comfortable. Both people need to be comfortable that’s the most important thing.

[sasha]

I don’t think it matters what other people think. It’s not their business. I’ve comfortably had relationships with men up to ten years difference in age. That’s just me. I’m sure others have experienced a wider gap. If the gap in age is too much, you’ll feel it. It won’t be comfortable. Both people need to be comfortable that’s the most important thing.

I was, of course, being flippant - I've been in relationships with women much younger - almost 20 yrs - than myself. You're absolutely right - it's no one else's business. All that matters is that both parties are comfortable with the arrangement.

But don't be too surprised if there's a bit of a pop cultural divide - music, tv shows grown up with, touchstone comedy bits, that kind of thing. ("Walter Cronkite? Who's that?" "John Glenn, wasn't he the first man in space?") In the end, it's up to the two people involved - and no one else.

[Doreen Peri]

Yes!!! Those cultural divide differences can be an issue sometimes especially during long term relationships.

20 years is not comfortable to me, younger or older. But that’s just me.

I knew you were being flippant with the math calculations, Sasha!

This topic reminds me of a great cult film classic— Harold & Maude (1976, I think). She was in her 80s. I think he was about 21, maybe younger. But they both were fascinated with graveyards and death. It’s a wonderful movie! I must have seen it at least half a dozen times! Have you seen it?

[mnaz]

Thanks Doreen, judih and sasha. That's an interesting rule, sasha. (I've heard of that one!). It gets "interesting" when the gap approaches a generation. I have a friend in her 30s, and she's putting out vibes lately that she might want us to be more than friends (which can be tricky, or "dangerous" to begin with). And no, she doesn't quite fit the "half my age plus seven" range. And yes, I like her a lot. This is something I never really anticipated. Not that I want to make this all about me, of course. It's always been kind of a fascinating subject to me.

[Doreen Peri]

Mnaz… I’m not a person to give advice about such things but if the feelings are mutual, who knows? You might enjoy the companionship. It’s quite common, actually, for men to have relationships with women half their age. It’s definitely not unheard of. Being honest about everything with each other is priceless.

[mnaz]

I agree. Honesty, and caring for one another go a long way in any sort of relationship. Thanks Doreen.

[mtmynd]

How would anyone think of age difference if the couple didn't shout it to family and friends..? Doing that "may" cause a unnecessary problem, altho in these 'modern times" nobody should "GAS". Ya think.."

The truelove /friendship I'm sure is scattered all over the world without anyone knowing / caring IMPO

[mnaz]

That's how it should be, Cec! Nobody should GAS. It's between two individuals. A rational brain is necessary, though it might not recognize how intrusive or limiting it is at times.

Or something like that ...

[Arcadia]

Math won' t help you... Try it!!

[mnaz]

Thanks Arcadia. I am. It's kind of weird because only person in my circle of friends has actively encouraged me. Some don't seem to know what to say. Some are suspicious. Life is funny.

[judih]

Asking somebody else for their opinion is asking to hear their entire ancestry coming to a consensus and spewing out a 'for' or 'against'. And as you have informed us, it's your heart, your gut-feeling, your ability to open yourself to a relationship. Good luck! We're all with you.

[sasha]

No harm in soliciting opinions, but those opinions shouldn't carry too much weight. That said - my advice would be Follow Your Heart...

(John agrees: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hsr6ZVzq-dQ)