Presence

[stilltrucking]

I read Geoff's little story this morning he inspired this
I was going to edit but my head hurts too much now. Maybe try to re post later

Oh god I don’t know, I woke with a head ache myself, nighmare about Achilles and Hector, then I finally get to sleep about 0600 wake up at 0830. My head is splitting across the top of my skull eye balls feel like they are going to pop out, I stumble outside to see my morning glories and there she is in her short shorts. Wearing a sleeveless neckless kind of blouse thing, she is really happy to see me. I am on the porch she on the side walk, she is very animated talking a blue streak. Then she reaches out her hand to touch me, but not quite. She reaches out as if to touch me but stops short. Then she tells me her father passed away. We all knew It was coming he had been sick and in a nursing home, a man in his eighties. She is not very upset but I sympathisize. Her armpits for some reason I find myself looking at her white arms and shaved armpits. Then I am looking at the top of her head. Son of bitch what happened to the gray, she used to have few gray hairs in brownish reddish tawny head. Now I notice her hair is blonder, not sure of the color, polyester blonde I guess. I used to love looking at her with a touch of gray, such a beautiful natural color. Now she descibing the dress she bought, drawing the neckline around her breasts and talking about darts because her boobs are too small, dam about forty five seconds later I think to say, they look just right to me, or something like that. but I missed it. Meanwhile I have a cozy little feeling starting in my loins. But just about then the maintenance man shows up and shifts her attention to him. I wander off while her head his turned, mumbling see you later

Later

I can't deal with the body language, autistic fool that i am. Just going to ask her for a date. She tells she was going to sleep over a friend's house last night but a sister of her brother in laws first cousnin lives right across the street from him and she did not want them to see her come out of her house in the morning.

Our apartments are on a quadrangle everyone can see every one elses door. I think she might be trying to tell me something. But then again she may not. We have been at this point before, flairting with each other, but always the conversations in the past have turned to ex husbands. Nothing beats a failure like a try. But I kind of think maybe I should hold out for true love. But at this late date I would regret Dieing a virgin,

I am thinking a weekend down the cost, away from nosey neighbors.

[stilltrucking]

There it is
Life and death
sex and death
She may have not seemed upset, but she must have been. No matter how old, or how sick or how old, or how long coming; to loose a paent is a blow. Maybe if I had not been looking at her as a piece of meat on the end of my dork, I might have done better. I don't feel much for her except she is pretty. Affecetion yes, love no. Presence No, I feel more of a presence for these virtual silicon based women of Studio Eight.
She told me about this old guy of fifty or hit on her. She told him to take better care of himself, to get in better shape. Then she said she likes to watch me work out on that exercise machine I have on my porch. My crib is to small to keep it inside. I suppose I am trying to use her as my carrot to keep on living. Because I won't live much longer like this.