The cruiser and the [i]email[/i]:
- Axanderdeath
- Posts: 954
- Joined: December 20th, 2004, 9:24 pm
- Location: montreal or somewhere in canada or the world
The cruiser and the [i]email[/i]:
had to get this of this board
Last edited by Axanderdeath on June 27th, 2005, 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
thus spoke G.A.P.
This strikes me as having a lot of potential. The story has two strong directions and I think they juxtapose nicely together--
1) Timbo's apparent carelessness and sensual needs;
2) Timbo's hopeless devotion/obesession in hearing back from "someone".
For readability, I think you could pull the grammar a bit more together. I'm not attacking poetic license, but I found some of the grammar hurt the transfer of information from a good story to my confused head.
Despite all that, I enjoyed reading this and really think it's a succinct way of looking at the duality in a person's approach to needs and independence.
1) Timbo's apparent carelessness and sensual needs;
2) Timbo's hopeless devotion/obesession in hearing back from "someone".
For readability, I think you could pull the grammar a bit more together. I'm not attacking poetic license, but I found some of the grammar hurt the transfer of information from a good story to my confused head.
Despite all that, I enjoyed reading this and really think it's a succinct way of looking at the duality in a person's approach to needs and independence.
"Every genuinely religious person is a heretic, and therefore a revolutionary" -- GBShaw
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