Enteric brain rant

[hester_prynne]

I've been thinking, you know, I sure hope people don't think I'm a man hater, because I'm not.
Really!

I would like nothing more than to have a man in my life someday, a friend, companion, playmate, etc. But because I don't need it, I guess I don't fare well in the usual pairing style, i.e. I don't stand for alot of crap. When promises are broken, when control is about what's not said, when I'm humiliated or taken for granted or used, I leave. (And not quietly.) That's a loneliness I would die in.

On the other hand, if someone is up front with me about anything, i'm cool. You'd be amazed at what I can accept if I'm told honestly.

My girlfriends come to visit me alot, most of them are in relationships and they constantly complain about how devalued they feel, but they can't let go, for fear of......????????
What is it? I can't figure it out. What can't they let go of?

This week, I had a girlfriend call me, said she needed to talk with me, and oh, by the way, she wanted me to meet someone. So, she brings this guy with her that she's having an affair with! Both of these people are really prominent citizens in our county. He's divorced, she still lives with her husband and kids.
Well, I had a fit. I told her I was not a landing space for her to bring her lovers. I told her i'd be glad to let them frolic here, but only after she told her husband and family.
I am considering blackmail.
I need the money.


WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

or is it me?

Can anyone explain this crap to me?

H

[stilltrucking]

blackmail sounds like an option to me

I don't get relationships at all.

. Spider woman kept no secretes about her lovers. Her husband just had to deal with it. She finaly left him and we moved in together. Closest thing I have ever felt to being married. The last thing spider woman needed was another husband. And dam me that is what I was turning into after the third scarlet letter I wear. I was just a hippy guy with a rabinical beard and hair down to his arse. Living in the middle of the Jewish ghetto where every body knows your life story.
Edited 8/24/05
I got a gravesite all picked out next to Crazy Mike in baltimore. It was supposed to be for Rose but she just did not want to lie next to him anymore. So I am going to have a turnstile and a take a number machine set up next to it. So all the women who want to spit on my grave can stand in line and take a number.

[Doreen Peri]

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

or is it me?

I don't know what's wrong with people. But there's a lot of this stuff going around.

She can't help it if she fell in love and probably yearns to have it all out in the open and accepted but he's an asshole cheater and unfortunately, she fell in love with the wrong guy. Even if he told his wife, left his wife and family, and they became a couple, he'd do it again to her one day.

No, it's obviously not you.

I don't understand the complainers, either, who won't do anything about their situation if they feel devalued.

You have the right attitude. Who needs it?

[Rat Bag]

Well, I don't want to come across as a woman hater, because I'm not, I love women for all their absurdity. But it seems to me that you, Hester, definitely represent a minority of women who are happy enough in themsleves that they don't need a man to cling on to parasitically.

You are bigger than blackmail.

Let it be, let it be...

You handled it well.

[stilltrucking]

Yes exactly how i feel about Hester and Doreen. I am so happy that I was born a man. And I am even more happy that there are women who are happy that they were born women. viv le difference.

on an unrelated note:
I was just talking to KD about you and your mind control post to mystic arts. Have not replied still musing on it.

The mind is a useful servant, but a poor master

[hester_prynne]

Indeed, yes, I have been advised by a woman who's opinion I respect very much to let it play itself out....she's right, I know this.
Blackmail is just my bigtalk. I could never really do it....

Thank you both, ratbag (da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da....ratbag!) and still for the votes of confidence. Made my toes wiggle.

It's funny you know, I love being with a man but not at the usual required societal rate of sacrifice. I mean, i did that a few times and painfully got wise.....after being left holding the ripped up dream bag....

I get very lonely indeed. Hell, I'm a human, a female human. I would like to be cared about by a male, pure and simple. A self sufficient one. I fear that self sufficient, positive natured men don't exist anymore. (maybe they never did)

I sense it's more about taking each other prisoner, once you get inside the myth. Heh. I'm not good at taking prisoners or being taken prisoner.

I've experienced being much lonelier than i am now, with a man in my life.
Go figure.....
Thanks again...
H

[MrGuilty]

Poets are such heroes to me they make my extistence bearable. But I will never see eye to eye with yabyum
Waking next to a woman I have just fuked the previous night, and feeling nothing for her, is the loneliest feeling I know. I just stopped trying.

That cuts both ways hester, or maybe I am not normal you know how men are supposed to be. Fuk a snake if you held its head.

[hester_prynne]

heh. A poisonous snake?


Hell, i'd fuck a man, if he'd hold my hand
without prompting.....
without reason........
because he just couldn't help himself
because he knew me.......
and loved the hell out of who I am.....
warts and all.....

Oh wouldn't that be loverly.........
H

[tinkerjack]

I don't know anymore Hester. You just seem to have hard luck with men. I have always been treated well by women. I have no complaints about them. Now I got to admit the last twenty five years have been strange. But I don't blame that on women.
I just couldn't fake it anymore. I think my last chance was a couple of years ago. Kind woman, smart funny, pretty. She said she adored me.All I had to do was reach out my hand. But I stopped myself. Not sure if it was fear, or if it was just inappropriate. (we were in a clinic examinig room at the time.) I made a date to meet her at a yoga class. I never went. I have thought about why I did not keep that date, at first I thought it was because I feared I couldn't get it up again. But now I think it was guilt. Just thought I did not deserve that happiness. Just call me mr guilty.

[tinkerjack]

Maybe the real reason:
I was just not attracted to her. She leaning across the examining table complaining about her back hurting. I wanted to reach out and touch her back. But I stopped my self. I just said I am sorry. She looked my in the eye and said, "you don't care." and I knew it was true. I did not want to feel that lonliness again. But I could have shown some tenderness, compassion. A back rub would have helped her. My mind always in the gutter it seems. I wound up hurting her by promising to come to the synagogue on a friday night for her yoga class.

confession is good for the soul they say.

dang me they ought to take a rope and hang me.

[stilltrucking]

A Jew without Jews, trying to remember why I did not want to go to a synagogue I should have appologized to her. My moter cycle dreams hit a pot hole, but if i ever get back to virginia, I will see what i can do to make ammends, maybe bring a banana cream pie with me in case she needs to throw it in my face.
The bottom line is "human behavior is over determined" (Sigmund Fudd) Our motives and intentions never so simple.


A Jew without Jews, without Judaism, without Zionism, without Jewishness, without a temple or an army or even a pistol, a Jew clearly without a home, just the object itself, like a glass or an apple.
Philip Roth

[Traveller13]

I think it's because people don't know what they want.

My lovelife is and has been strange.
Almost inexistent, but strange.
I know or at least feel where it comes from, and I'm working on it.

[stilltrucking]

My love life these days is to love
Life itself.