postmodernism, lonelyness, dorm solitude

[K&D]

someone talk to me!

i've been reading about postmodernism and late capitalism for waayyyy too long, its getting me all fired up and i'm not tired at all but i don't want to hear another depressing world about my supposed new generations paragdim shift. postmodernism sucks, sucks i tell you.

someone shoot the breexe with me, its fucking lonely, my friends are working on the papper, theyre mad at me because they think i'm smarter then they are...its driving me nuts, there not mad at me, they just feel not like an equal i keep telling them they have there traits that are better then mine...but still i can since there sadness.

the other thing i could do well theres two. i could study history of world cinema...really boring, or i could read about technical film making, too technical and its too late, or i could research a social movement of the 1980's and i don't want to do that either, the 1980s are so fucking depressing.

so how was your day, tell me something funny, tell me something that intrest you, tell me what your passionate about...anything.

[K&D]

o.k old farts...get your asses up...i could be getting stoned or like getting shitfaced, but i'm not, you guys are my outlet and where are you...where are you?

argh i'm so fucking ansy i think i'm going to go crazy. oh man, argh argh argh...thats the sound of me dying of lonelyness. friends are working, i'm sitting around, maybe i'll watch a fucking movie...maybe i should go to bed but i'm way too fired up. its midnight, and i am going crazy with energy...shouldn't sleep in middle of the day, but its just so nice...i can't sleep so good at night

[Rat Bag]

and here's me thinking that stoned and shitfaced mean the same thing.

[K&D]

stoned- to smoke weed, or grass, as the older members of the board might call it.

shitfaced- to get really drunk, course i don't like to do that, but technically i could do it...i was really just trying to make a point, which is that college students get bored easily and need a place to relax, but often don't and therfore often drink and get high.

[K&D]

see but i have principles...i was just talking with a friend...i hate how people use drugs to releive problems, i mean illegal drugs anyways...you know they try to use them as a crutch.

my friends didn't do anything, litterally all refered to themselves as "straight Edgers" before they met me, now i have to deal with like a friend of mine today coming down telling me she really wants to smoke, because she's stressed. i don't beleive in using it as a crutch. cousre maybe its just this one friend because she was the same with booze, sort of let me get a little drunk so i can tell people how i feel. thats horrible.

this should probably be on the trailerpark boards, but i'm starving for attention here people and i'm not afraid to admit it. luckly i'm friends with the management...speaking of which, i don't know if they read this but...i have something to say. well maybe i don't have to post it, but...yeah i'll write it in a private e-mail...words of appreciation, you know that sort of thing.

[K&D]

i mean the other thing is, since i'm on this rant on the wrong board. you ever been the glue of a group..big responsability. well i'm that one everyone in the group goes to me, and not others and so thats a lot of one on one, sometimes brings me down. i'm dealing with it better now, it kind of overloaded the over emotional Aly, you know. also i sese jealousy in some that i am the glue, cause they use to be more of a glue to and are no longer...any of you know what i'm talking about? got something to add about the responsabilities of being the good one in the group, the one thats always there for people and has the responsability for doing the right things, not that i feel its a duty, i mean i'm that person because thats the kind of person i am naturally.

[K&D]

so, its 1:00 in the morning, and my roomate has desided to take a walk. i wonder whats up with her. she's a very distant person, she's not real enough to get close to. but i wonder if everyone tonight is up here at the college. i wonder if its one of those days. boy am i never sleeping in the middle of the day again!

i use to stay up till 2:00 everynight last year but i didn't preform or feel that well during the day, but i'm not even showing signs that i might get tired latter...just sitting around listening to fleetwood mac...i doubt i'm going to get a response tonight.

what is the validity/signifigance of disscussion for others, what do you get out of it?...for me its fucking assential

[K&D]

o.k, my roomate is not back yet...should i go looking for her?

why oh why do i have to care so much, gets me into trouble you know, can't keep my nose out of other peoples buissness, even the ones i know i can't help, or are unwilling to put in the amount of time it would take to help...fuck.

[lovingpenfull]

Poor gal, I think you need some other stimuli, perhaps a relation of the sexual type, no strings attatched, or strings if you want, if that offends you then forget it, or get involved in some plot to oust some evil dean of the school or make banners or take up a hobby...I think that your friends in your group may be too important to you and if I may I will warn you against having too narrow a focus when it comes to friends, not that I am saying you do, or even pretend to know your situation, but in my experience I have had friends that I didn't realize were so important to me and when things went wrong, it wrecked everything; just start feeling out, make other connections, groups of friends don't have to be mutually exlusive, you can have several, maybe they won't even know you have other friends, just start friendships everywhere, no madder how small, how do you do that? use some pretext like you are taking an Eastern Religion class and you are taken by the ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism and you are complelled to help others selflessly in order to right your Karma and then before you know it you are carrying people's books, ostensibly to have good Karma, but you're really just making friends, just look at it all like a sociology or anthropology study, don't get all mucked up with loneliness, just read a while, draw, write, go for a walk yourself, concentrate on your own development and don't worry what roommate X is up to, get laid really, that is the thing, make some fella or lady or even both and yourself happy, expand into other areas, it is clear that you've reached the limits of your environment in terms of what it can offer you mentally...you're bored, that's all, you have to take the initiative to strike up new connections, and what the hell is the madder with the idea of Paradigm Shift? It happens to be the only thing to saved our doomed way of life you know...

[K&D]

thanks for the reply lovingpenfull, yeah i've heard those ideas from others, who have recommended the same thing for me. i wonder if i really need another destractioon from my work though.

as far as paragdim shift, theres nothing wrong with it, but i don't beleive postmodernism is a good way to go. thats all.

[Rat Bag]

I was never the glue.
I was the component left over after all the others had been glued into place.
The one that you can't fathom where it might belong.
That ends up in a zip-lock bag with the odd compents of a thousand other projects.

I can't fathom being the glue. Too much effort.

[MrGuilty]

Oh KD
vanity, all vanity
if you think you are the glue that holds it all together
that is a very sticky situation to be in.

[Axanderdeath]

all I have to say is that you are lucky to be in school! they would not take me. my writing was not "structured enough" and the work I sent them was at least at 3rd or 4th draft and not crude like shit I put on here some times.

university kids have nothing to complain about, oh my mind hurts from so much knowlege!!!!!!!!

KD don't be angry I am just a bitter 23 year old dink, and drink, to get drunk and play games with my own mortal beingship!~

[lovingpenfull]

You do need another distraction, the human mind is capable of juggling a lot at once, you know? In any case, have fun, don't take yourself too seriously and above all concentrate on your studies. Cut out your friends all together if they get in the way of that.

As for 'postmodernism', there really is no meaning attached to the term outside of the world of university textbooks in my view. I know there is a whole edifice of meaning built from it, but that is just nonsense put out by the Church of Reason. You know what I mean by that. What is 'modernism'? Academia has an answer. What is 'postmodernism'? Anything after 'modernism'. Using broad reaching lable terms like that do a disservice to clarity.

World views will always change, there can be no discisive oppinion about it, there will be a paradigm shift, the way in which is comes about can vary, and according to you 'postmodernism' isn't the way to go. Okay, but tell us what that is, I don't know.

[Traveller13]

K&D
lol
don't wanna sound like someone who "knows it all"
but how can you find hapiness for your group
if you have trouble finding it yourself?

you're doing them a favour by taking them on your shoulders
they should be grateful to have someone else taking free care of them like you're doing
if they're jealous about it
or if they aren't grateful because they think "you should be doing it" in the first place
then fuck em
you've got your own problems, apparently
your own life to live
I think you need to find out what you want
and then you need to find the balls to follow that
that's what I'm trying to do
I don't know if it works
but if it does and I find a computer lying around I'll let you know