calling out truckin and joker

[K&D]

i find myself here again....i should be studying, no wait....i should be in bed.

i hung out with cody tonight, i wasn't even expecting it, he just came by while i was haning out in Jen's room. he loanded me his favorite album. i left jen and heather to talk to him because at the time Jen was trying to get her comp to work and heather was studying. i sat in his room and talked mainly about music. i feel bad because what was intended to happen was that once Jen got her comp working we were all going to hang out together, apparently heather got bored before then and left. so we ended up just talking for a while in Jen's room with Jen and Geo. it was nice but i feel bad because heather left and i feel like i left her, but i mean it was also a problem of the fact that jen's comp wasn't working, other wise we would have hung out...anyways, now i'm listening to these two cd's he loaned me...god damn are they good. his favorite album Van Morrison's "veedon Fleece" and David Gray's "A Century Ends" i'm particularly loving the david gray. i'm hungry, i seem to always be hungry when i'm in college.

[stilltrucking]

I hope you are sleeping as I write this. Sleeping in beauty. Man I tell ya sparky there is about forty five years between us. I try to imagine what I would do today if I had another sixty four years of life ahead of me. I love that feeling of being young, but I am not sure if I would want to do it all over again. I would rather just live to be around 128 that sounds like a ripe old age.
Van Morrision Brown Eyed girl? love that song. that is all I can think of,

That guy that posts as joel his tag line is interesting

Expectations are all too often premeditated disappointments.

[K&D]

thats all you know by Van Morrison...wow! he has a lot of better stuff, what about Into the Mystics or Wild Night, there are about a bazillion of them, or what about Moondance, that whole album went gold i beleive.

we talked about the premeditated disapointments already.

[stilltrucking]

Yeah well I just found I am dyslexic too. you know how it messes your memory up. My dyslexia is kind of like my diabetes, adult on set. I am constantly reversing numbers and letters, I make a lot of phonetic mistakes to, to for too, know for no, that kind of thing. Maybe just the result of a mild stroke. Waiting for the big one any day. That is the problem with genetics, when you know your family history all too well. Solomon
said that much knowledge increases sorrow

[K&D]

have you had a stroke? thats sad...i don't know how to respond to your post, other then that, and i don't know whether thats P.C or what, but thats what i thought so i wrote it...not much else i can do.

[stilltrucking]

I don't know if I had a stroke or not, but I have never been dyslexic, but I am getting that way now. Reverse numbers constantly, and I constantly make the same mistakes here/hear to/too/two there/thier no/know. Something going on, maybe just chlosteral clogging my brain. Or sugar etching my brain like sulfuric acid. Serious as a fart in a space suit. I put it down to old age. I woke up with the worse head ache I have ever had a few months ago. Seems like that was the start of it.

Meanwhile I just keep on keeping on with my destructive life style.

"My dearest friends are perfect strangers"
"They wish me freedom and self destruction"
billy joe shaver
They call me gypsy boy.

[K&D]

what kind of distructive habits are these? i'll share mine after you, in a time where i'm not so tired. going to go try to sleep, got a test tommorow.

[stilltrucking]

sleep tight my silicon pal

Just cigarettes, and too much fat.

[K&D]

thats not that bad.

mines possesiveness, sort of your either with me or against me mantality...i think thats it, use to be a lot worse.

[stilltrucking]

deleted line here cause I don't know if I know what you mean but what it means to me is this:
I have met the enemy and he is me
I find that all my woe is self inflicted

[K&D]

could be worse though...so i've got a story....been busy with mid terms but wrote a poem in the library today about a librarian known for giving students problems...i think he could be a cool guy though so i gave himj this scribbled poem...i thought he would appreciate it some of my friends tell me he might be insulted by it check it out...

Librarian


Dear librarian
Do you Laugh
Do you bleed
i know you at least read

why do you seem so mad to me
is this not, librarian, where you want to be

tell me of your ambitions
tell me of your dreams

librarian, are you a libertarian?
You look like a shaggy liberal
but you act like a staunch conservative

dear librarian i am not much of a poet
i can't spell so good either
buit i'm bored, i saw you
librarian, i'd like to communicate

a lot of people judge you
and that certainly isn't fair
you are not a dragon
this is not your laire

Do you listen to Warren Zevon
or a drummer named Levon?

would you judge my misspelling
or would you smile and not care?

where do you go when you go home
and what would you rather be doing?

[K&D]

truckin....mid terms, driving me crazy, and its late but i drank a lot of caffine and suger and i cant go to sleep, and i'm lonely...say something intresting....

[tinkerjack]

tell me of your ambitions
tell me of your dreams
librarian, i'd like to communicate

where do you go when you go home
and what would you rather be doing?

Man I am sorry I missed this. Ya know I love science, but I got these old wives tales from my grandmother about the young. She believed in the “evil eye” She would lie to strangers about my age because she did not want them to put the evil eye on me. Geez sparky I hope you did not actually give the guy that poem?

truckin....mid terms, driving me crazy, and its late but i drank a lot of caffine and suger and i cant go to sleep, and i'm lonely...say something intresting....

God almighty I been missing the hell out of your aggravating pain in the neck questions. I wondered why you had not been posting. I feel like I let you down here baby sister. But I been thinking about you a lot. And Geoff, you and geoff together in my mind since that post on creative. I will put the link here. It amazes me that Geoff and I can communicate across our two generation language gap. And it amazes me that I can communicate with you too across that time gap and gender gap. I was raised in a kind of 19th century Freudian milieu of all female thought processes were pelvic related. I watch these new men here and think they are lucky bastards to live in an era of new women. Geoff and Marksman 45 such different writers, have I said anything interesting yet. I got lots more clean socks, still trucking left me a drawer full of these sock puppets.

later added

aggravating? yeah they make me think, they make me question my own questions. I am so dam intellectualy lazy, such sloth, I want to cozzy up to my own little warm world view, don't want nobody kicking down the door, letting a fresh breeze through, so easy to become a living fossil.


when everybody was asking about where SooZen was, I was wondering about where you was. I miss you..

[K&D]

been busy figuring stuff out you have not let me down. last week, i think i spend the whole week depressed, i'm not exagerating either. i think it started before the Noam Chomsky video. we watched The Manufacturing Truth Video, which i've seen before, and i already knew what was coming but something about the day and what i had been thinking the previous week. the previous week i had been writting poems about how things seem really fake, like that paying for college poem. anyways, so the East Timor thing came up about how media was all over the Cambodia killing feilds but barely reported on the U.S backed Genocide in East Timor.

so after the movie i talked to the class about how i felt helpless, and that chomsky is right that we have a certain amount of responsability for all these really shitty things that our government is doing but that i didn't feel like i knew what i could do about any of it and even if i did something i wondered if it would have any impact. i was crying, i went to my friends room my friends tried to comfort me but that wasn't what i wanted or needed.

the whole week, i was not the goofy fun loving laughing/making jokes alyson that i normally am. things seemed dto add up, all my intresting classses were about all this stuff that was going on and it didn't seem like anyone else was going through the same thing i was. i went to see Good Night and Good Luck and afterwards i drove back with a friend of mine in the car and she didn't know what was wrong, so i felt like she stared at me, or she would try to come up with something to say, and it was so obvious she didn't have a clue. i think that made things worse.

not to mention my best friend jen was spending all her time with her boyfriend. i called my mom and she told me i can't help anyone if i'm crying (she was sort of right there) but her method is always like telling me not to cry, she doesn't beleive in it. and she also told me maybe i shouldn't focus on political science, instead i should work on getting a job. she really pissed me off. so i thought i'd call my dad but my dad hasn't called me in months, i didn't want to call him, he never calls me.

i ended up finnally talking to Jen one on one and it helped sort of, i think this was a thing that just naturally passed, i think its a normal and healthy phase to go through, so this weekend i've been better.

i laughed about the pelvis freud thing, that was funny in your post.

i did talk to the librarian, our friendship didn't work out, he's too self assured and self centered, and i still want to change the world, he also doesn't like to answer questions, i can't hang with a person who can't personally answer my questions, i just can't.

[tinkerjack]

i ended up finnally talking to Jen one on one and it helped sort of,

i think this was a thing that just naturally passed, i think its a normal and healthy phase to go through, so this weekend i've been better.

that's life, I wish I could pull it off the top of my head, judih post about your up your down, the roller coaster.

I don't know nothing about chomsky. But I will try to find the film. Sounds like I need to know more about him. I get misty eyed by great beauty and great horror. I thought there was something wrong with me when I was young. I would have tears rolling down my face when I watched the old black & white news reels about the wars. I was ashamed, I tried to wipe them away before anyone saw them. Big boys don't cry. We the people are responsible. So what do we do? I was thinking about your mom when I first started to read this. How much she wanted to bring you into the world. I watched a show on PBS about the mother daughter bond. It is so beautiful, so strong for some women. The audience was full of mothers and daughters. It was such a pretty sight. I know I wish I had daughter. But I don't want to judge your dad. Just pity him for not having your friendship. That bit about paying for college, hang in there Aly, you going to pay for it. Just get through this sophomore year. I am not just blowing smoke it is a real bitch. Got to be the toughest year. I read a bit from "Life Against Death" Norman O Brown. It used to be a text book for the honors program in the psych depart at Uof MD College Park back in the early seventies. a bit about "intellectual work for the relief of man's estate" paraphrase from memory. Have you noticed how many teachers and healers there are around here. We all really do want to save the world.
was it marksman45 who said we can't lose we got the ink?