i wrote a poem first one in months

[K&D]

and it goes something like this.


Looking lacking any laps,
There’s no country distance here.
Jabbing at the lack of jabbering
You don’t know what you want.
Don’t displace this disenchantment
Your discontentment not due to me.

I gave up my independence
For someone that no longer sparks me
And I think I’m going to take it back.
I give too much and then forget.

Fear of missing all that mischief.
Laughing away times like these
These times when I really think.
These times when I am alone.

Leisure life latent to the likes of you,
There’s no comparison here.
I’ve lost sense of what I want.
Your disenchantment distracted me
Your discontentment is not I.

A messianistic change
Who thought that I would?
All the effect of one stranger
And a false assumption.

(my friend told me to my face that i was boring, she yelled it, she thought this was o.k because she thought i felt the same way about mysefl...then theres this kid cody who has all these hobbys and is very independent, we were talking about how i use to write a lot of peotry, he said he thought i should start writting again and not give up...and look...a fucking poem...its not bad either...what do you think?)

[mtmynd]

see what a lilttle encouragement will do for you?

nicely done, K&D... anymore in your back pocket?

[K&D]

working on one in the same vein right now this is all i have...its really sloppy....

A weaning sense of active attainment
And the rush to see what is there.
Wrung out towel dried in place
And looking for a change of face.

An abundance of qualities
And you’re maladjusted to them all.

My heart use to irregularly beat
I couldn’t close my eyes
Even at the most boring times.

I’m starting to see through that
Solitude is no longer a distress

[mtmynd]

suggestion: try dropping the a's and and's and see if you like it a bit better. LMK (Let Me Know)

[K&D]

k, i'm glad you told me what LMK means other wise i may have been confused...i also want to write a poem called tuna fish sandwich, it would be about how i'm becoming like my dad and even starting to eat shit that he does, even though i've never wanted to before, it would be kind of tounge and cheak humor. but right now i am actually going out to get a tuna fish sandwich..weird how that happends like the genetic code has just come to realization and suddenly i'm my father to the T...even though i haven't spent that much time with him since i was really young cause he moved and stuff.

[Doreen Peri]

You know what strikes me about this poem?

Every word is spelled correctly.

(Except I think you meant Messianic? I don't know if messianistic is a word... hmmmm....)

How can you spell correctly when you write a poem but have such difficulty with it when you aren't writing a poem?

Just curious....

I liked the poem. Yep.

I know you didn't ask for a critique but I'd like to see you use more images. Like maybe use an image that suggests disenchantement. Objects are always good. Like maybe a shattered jewel. That says disenchantment. Just an idea. Using images to show feelings rather than just the words for those feelings.

Thanks for sharing your poem! I agree with Cody! Keep doing it!

[stilltrucking]

I liked the poem,
My greatest fear was to be my father
It has taken me many years to over come that fear.
Nothing wrong with being crazy if I know it.

[K&D]

i spell checked before posting...imagry i'll work on that

oh and taking out the a's and an's worked much better.