jim the librarian.

[K&D]

hey is anyone out there in cyberspace.....

jim (the librarian) will not be a great friend to me....he in so many words told me i was egotistical and that i need a boyfriend....i mean he said a lot of other stuff that was good, but i think he assumes that i'm there to only get something out of him, not a friendship more like i want him to be my teacher, i like knowing who people are and what they have to offer but i also like the whole interaction part too....i don't know he's kind of too much of a hermit.

the thing is i get what he was "trying" to say when he said i need to get a boyfriend and that "excessive alcohol and drug use" can lead to being less in my mind and more in my body...but the fact is thhis guy is sort of right, but he doesn't know me that well, he only met me twice. yes, i'm very much in my head, its the dominant characteristic, but i think i have more experience and am more of an experiencer then he assumes...also i felt like i was being talked at. its just kind of mean to be a 50 year old and telling a 20 year old that she needs a boyfriend...i mean theres some implication there, that i'm not a big fan of. i know what he was trying to say so its not like i'm mad, i just think that combined with him talking at me, and me talking at him...we don't connect. the thing is he's asking different questions than i am and he thinks its not worth sharing personal discoveries about questions because they are different for each person, i disagree with this.

[Lightning Rod]

KiDdo,

I don't know jim the librarian, but I do know many fine poets who are imprisoned in universities. After a while they get institutionalized.

But maybe jim is right and it would do you good to get a boyfriend. You don't have to marry him or anything. Get a strapping working class dude who is awed by your intellect but won't let you push him around.



Don't forget, the world is your boyfriend.

[K&D]

yeah, but l-rod, i don't think you get it.

the implication that i should get a boyfriend is that 1. i have no experience 2. that he thinks some how i'm not intrested in that, which are both untrue and 3. that i should try harder or some shit like that. i'm not all in my head, not like that.

its kind of an assholish thing to say, i mean you know you never know the experiences someone has had right before you say something like that, like perhaps just last week i was working on something and it didn't work out, y'know?

[Lightning Rod]

"yeah, but l-rod, i don't think you get it."

It wouldn't be the first time that I didn't get it.

I thought it was a bit patronizing too. Not that jim's advice wasn't good.

from what I've observed, you make pretty good choices.

[K&D]

i also don't feel, and you may disagree with this, that i don't need to go out and excessivly use drugs and alcohol to experience the self.

i figure with guys, its like whats the point in pushing it, if its going to happen its going to happen, i don't get crushs that often, i have rather high standards i think.

the thing is, i guess talking to jim may have made me realize that i too to often assume things about people before i really know them. i mean i talked to him twice and he was assuming that i waw the type that stayed in my room and didn't go out and have fun...i have a lot of fun.

[stilltrucking]

dumb question

Do you think he was hitting on you? Just speaking for myself that is always in the back of my mind when I am talking to a single unattached woman that I am attracted to. I question my motives.

It would not cross my mind to tell someone that she ought to find a boy friend. Boy friends fall out of trees, and you stumble across them when you least expect it. Same with girl friends I think.

[K&D]

no i don't think he was hitting on me, i think he wassaying, i don't want to be your teacher/mentor, go out and experiencfe things for yourself don't talk to me about it...sort of deal.

[K&D]

i mean i get what he's saying, but in a certain way we value different things, i value community and he values self reflection...but i think i value self reflection through participation in community and affirming humanity through interaction...he doesn't buy this.

i mean he smiles and says hey when he sees me now in the library but i don't think he really likes to talk, you know, or he doesn't want to talk to me because he's older and has everything figured out and i need to figure stuff out on my own...he doesn't see how i work things out which is through other people.

i mean you guys know i like to ask questions and its not because i'm going to take your answer for gold, its because i find the response are intresting, the differences between human beings.

[K&D]

i mean i get what he's saying, but in a certain way we value different things, i value community and he values self reflection...but i think i value self reflection through participation in community and affirming humanity through interaction...he doesn't buy this.

i mean he smiles and says hey when he sees me now in the library but i don't think he really likes to talk, you know, or he doesn't want to talk to me because he's older and has everything figured out and i need to figure stuff out on my own...he doesn't see how i work things out which is through other people.

i mean you guys know i like to ask questions and its not because i'm going to take your answer for gold, its because i find the response are intresting, the differences between human beings.

[hester_prynne]

I think you give him too much credit.
It was an assholian thing to say to you for sure, but clearly also a glaring clue that he doesn't want to be bothered, not because of anything lacking in you, more his own preoccupation with himself or something.
It smarts when this happens. He has no thought of that, he is so self-preoccupied, he is insensitive.

Keep in mind my dear, that you are poifect right where you are!
Don't let his stuff knock you off track. You are fine here.
He however, may not be....
Poor sot....
H

[K&D]

thanks hes...

see thats the thing, at first i was like oh, he just is saying i need more experinece, and i thought about it and i was like dude, how rude of him to say that.

i mean secondly, if i was a guy, would he say i need to get a girlfriend, i mean or is it this whole, oh this women wants/needs to cling on to someone sort of deal...how come i can't genuanly be intrested in hereing someones thoughts and sharing miine without there being some since of...you know that whole cleanginess, i wasn't trying to be cleaning, just cause i'm younger then him. i happen to get along with old people exceptionaly well.

[hester_prynne]

I'm sure you do! I can just tell you get along! Your posts are not only agreeable for the most part, but also very interesting, thoughtful and creative minded.
The way I see it, this guy is missing out because he's so self preoccupied he can't see you!
I've been guilty of this with people myself, too preoccupied with my SELF to give anyone out of my comfort zone much notice. Boy, am I glad I saw the light on that one......and I regret the people who came along, that I just brushed off, and didn't see. I wish I hadn't, now in hindsight of course!
If this is the case with mister librarian, I hope he comes out of it soon, otherwise he'll keep on missing out on people like you, who he would probably like very much, if he'd come out of his limiting self-trance.

H

[Rat Bag]

I don't know if you need a bf. Maybe he meant you need to get laid. Words, y'know, they can mean so many different things.

I don't really know you, but at 20 you probably are somewhat egotisitical, and why not!? The universe does revolve around you, after all.

You're pretty clued in though, aware of yourself and what not, by the looks of it. Tell me, what was your motive for befriending Jim? Was it in search of a mentor type? Or just the sake of connecting with someone with whom a connection was calling?

Well, it probably was an asshole act to diss you like that, or not, depending on from where you look at it. But que sera sera and all that. You said:

he thinks its not worth sharing personal discoveries about questions because they are different for each person, i disagree with this.

Interesting.

These personal discoveries, while in fact the same discoveries for all, are completely unique to the individual, you know?

Anyway,...

[K&D]

i thought he could be someone who not only understood me and my thoughts and where i was coming from but then would have enough confidence and awareness to be able to discuss things, not just listen to me like most of my friends do now, so no i wasn't really looking for a mentor, at this point in my life i don't feel as if i need one.

see but maybe this is where theres somesort of break with women and men, personally i think, even if he was saying that i need to get laid, i still think thats an assholeish thing to say, esp since he is older, its sort of like, kid you don't know shit, go out in the world and get laid...you know its another way of telling me i don't know shit, and he, he's had tones of experiences with women and drugs, so he says, and yet, he doesn't seem to talk to anyone and he isn't married, not to say that that doesn't mean he doesn't, i'm just saying its still an assholish thing for him to say, that i need experience.

i mean its a sort of patronizing thing to say, even if you mean, you need to get laid. i mean, what am i not worth anything because i haven't been laid, or do i need to go out and spend my time trying to get laid...instead of talking to him, i don't know its very hoity toity. esp for a guy who has only talked to me twice.

[K&D]

as far as the egotistical thing goes, he's more wrong there then on the being laid/getting a boyfriend issue.

see all he knows is that i like to talk and that i think that community is a good thing, and that i want to influence people...this is why he is judging that i'm egotistical.

what he doesn't know is that i'm a very caring soul and the fact that i want to ask him questions and learn about him as well as others is a clear sign to me that i'm not egotistical, in fact the opposite, i'm looking to explore, just not through drugs and intravertedness like he does/did.