From the Mars Journals archive

[Scootertrash]

Christ almighty, I ain't had a decent nights sleep in
weeks. Don't know how I turned into a raging
insomniac; never had much of a problem with it before.
Oh sure, had the odd and occasional sleepless night
but never such a string of them. Really a bummer. Feel
like shit all the time. Things come and haunt me in
the August night. Strange things. Wild things. My mind
growls, squirms and goes to places and scenes that I'd
rather it didn't and I can't do a thing about it.
I tried to talk to someone about it. Thought if I did
they could maybe explain it to me or maybe just
talking about it would ease my mind, but, no avail. In
fact the person I talked to said that it might just be
because the planet Mars is so close to earth now that
it's affecting my brain by pulling on it and that
causes my brain fluid to go apeshit and sloppy slosh
around the little grooves in my brain.
Aw, Shit! Man, I knew that those little fuckers on
Mars were gonna pull something. Now they're jacking
with my brain juice making me think all kinds of weird
shit that keeps me awake, and well, it just ain't
right. Not right at all. Goddamn, I'll sure be fucking
happy when Mars goes theC hell back where its supposed
to be. Then maybe I'll be able to get a decent nights
sleep. Somethings gonna have to happen soon. This shit
has got to end.

.
... A few years back I was slingin shit. Didn't really
dig it but was strung out and so was my girl,
so...anyway... Got a call one night from a "friend"...

him: "Can ya help me out?"...
me: "umm, maybe..its late, but..how much?"
him: " $200"
(slight radar alarm went off in my head cuz this was a
big one for this guy this late at night, but being the
greedy idiot I was then, I couldn't/didn't say no)
me: "yeah..umkay..don't come here..I'll meet ya at
blah blah in about twenty minutes"
him: (strange sounding hesitant voice).."uhh,
yeah...blah blah in 20 minutes..okay.

I felt something odd about it, but went about weighing
& packing up his issue and killing a few minutes
before I took my three block walk. Time to go, I'm out
the door with my dog--just a little leg stretch and
poop stop for her while I do business..Off I go and
again get that strange discomfort that sumpin' just
ain't right..take an indirect route..looking over my
shoulder type stuff..
A block from the meeting spot it happened. Large
casually dressed guy just appears from the flank-
grabs me, say's "Police Officer!" takes me face down
to the concrete-puts pistol in my ear and says, "be
cool, jim"

me:.."oh, I'm cool man"

They'd been expecting me...Other cops close in...I'm
dead meat..I'm cuffed and searched..stuffed in squad
car.. head for booking room and jail...knew I was set
up the second the cop rushed me. My so called 'friend'
was one of those kind'a junkies that would steal the
morephiene suppository outta his dying grandmother's
asshole...he was a booster and had lots of theft beefs
on him cuz he was always gettin caught for his
pettyass bullshit...cops played him against me...I
should'a known better and I did know better than agree
to take his order that night..but, like I said,
man...I was strung out...careless stupid,etc...Also, I
had a a delivery charge and a possesion pending and
was out on recog when this went down...like I said,..I
ain't the smartest guy..but, smart enough to tell the
heat "no way" when they said there was a way I could
"help them and also help myself.....Anyway, I'm in
jail and looking at some time..bail was $100k and they
sure wern't gonna recog me again...I had money though
and a lawyer who is a buddy...50 days and $10k later I
walk...
The snitch?..Well, like most of those kind'a stupid
rats he thought the cops loved him or something...he
kept doing his bullshit thinking the cops would let
him slide...he wasn't hip enough to know that cops
hate snitches just as much as the next guy and love to
throw a rat in the same hole, right on top of the guy
he ratted out. Six months after I walked, the rat got
two years state time for accumlated misdemeanors and
failure to complys,etc.
I really had no one to blame but myself...I wasn't
that angry or hurt.. really.. I laid down with the
dogs and got up with the obligatory fleas...
Happy ending to that story is that I avoided prison,
used that 50 days county time drying out and sort'a
re-evaluating how I got in such a jam.. and havn't
done one hit of anything since that crappy night a few
years back.


While I was being questioned the night I got busted
and being offered a "break" if I'd cooperate w/the
man, the cops had another card in their hand. They had
gotten some judge up in the middle of the night to
sign a hastily contrived search warrant on my
pad....so, when I told'em I didn't know nothin' about
nothin' and wouldn't tell'em if I did..a squad of'em
saddled up and went and did the
one-knock-down-goes-the-door house call..my girl, Lisa
was there..Lisa..young wild one.. we'd been on and off
for a couple of years..she constantly on move..never
could settle for long in one spot..We got along
well..I gave her stability somewhat..nice home..took
care of her needs expenses-she made my place homey-
gave attention.. the ever popular good lovin'..Now the
cops had her and she was caught up in the mix as
well...cops ransack the joint.not much to find..bag
was low cuz it was late-recop wasn't on til next
afternoon..they just got stash..some
cash..scales...trivial but evidence of
"business"..they started "working" on her..
"you're going too, Lisa", they said...we know you were
doin' runs-you even delivered to some CIs we
had"..they we're bluffing but she fell for it...then
they told her she might be able to help herself if
she'd help them....She was afraid of jail..they told
her if she'd do what they'd ask her.she'd walk on
this...."We want Jim, not you" they told her...all you
gotta do is show up for the Grand Jury and give
testimony that your boyfriend's been involved in all
this dealing shit since you moved in w/him"....
She said: "yeah..sure.."
Of course, I had no idea this was happening because I
was locked in the tank....she came and saw me a few
days later at visiting hours..
Me: Hi baby...glad you're okay...
her: yeh, baby..I'm fine..but....
Me: but what?

then she told me about the grand jury supoena..she
didn't have to tell me how she earned that, or what
song she was expected to sing to the Grand Jury...I
knew...So, the fuckin' cops had bought my girlfriend's
betrayel of me w/a bullshit offer...Great. I was
feeling pretty helpless and alone..future looked
pretty grim at that point...

me:.."uh, baby...you gonna go through with it?"

her:.."what should I do, jim...its not for another ten
days..."

me: "I dunno...I'm probably fucked no matter what at
this point"..

her: "Don't worry....I'll think of something"...

at this point I knew she was gonna run...and it was
bittersweet...if she didn't testify..that was good for
me-bad for her..she'd get the dealing beefs and
contempt for blowing off the grand jury...anyway..the
days passed slowly she stayed on at my place doing god
knows what on my dime....two days before grand jury
day she came and saw me again....over the tapped
phones in the visitors room..she told me.."it's gonna
be okay"

I knew what was coming...the night before jury
day...she and some tweaker loaded up my vaulable house
hold stuff in some old van and were down the
road...haven't seen her since....a year or so later
got a letter from bumfuck Kansas saying she was in a
jam and could I help her out?- she wanted to come
back.

me: "might not be a good idea, lisa- cops and D.A.s
are sort'a mad at you, I think..but, if you wanna come
back, clean up and turn yourself in-i'll have my
attorney handle your crap"...

turning herself in wasn't what she was
about....imagine shes still burning the candle at both
ends and using a blow torch on the middle..if shes
still on the street or even alive...cute girl..wasn't
so bummed that she took the generous offer from the
cops to stick it to me for her survival..but that she
hooked up with this dickhead and got some family
heirlooms that were irreplacable, and beyond priceless
to me...that betrayel hurt then..still hurts now...
aww..you know...just stupid shit...glad that kind'a
livin' is thing of the past for me...never wanna have
to go through that kind'a shit again....

moral: there's no love- no loyalty-no friends in the
"business"...your friends are the first ones to fuck
you over when the shit hits the fan..they can because
they're in position..you let them close to you and
trusted'em...I was sold out and ripped off because I
was stupid careless...and being stupid careless is no
way to go through life, son.....


okay...heres the wind up on one of the players in my
little drama above-
The Cop...
Sgt. Fats Redface came to town about five yrs before
this mess of mine went down...I'd always been cool
w/the hometeam...they let me alone...I was cool-not
that bad of a fuckup..in comes this wannabe Dudley
Doright outsider and he's gonna clean up the scene-of
which I was just a micro-dot in all the criminal
enterprise around there...he got the job of "drug
cop/investigator"(probably cuz none of the homeboys
would do it) and..well..he thought I was hot
shit...dumbfucker was what he was...anyway...he didn't
like me and was always on my ass for this and
that...even went as far to actually believe and tell
people I pistol whipped this mexican so bad his ear
was almost completely severed and he had to be life
flighted to Portland...super cop really got the
horselaughs for that one...everyone knows me and I'm
as passive as a lamb..just and old 60s peace&love
longhaired freak-thats me...anyway, it turned out that
one of his snitches and his dirty bastard friends had
gone to rob the mexican of his bag and wound up
fucking him up...and this jerk went around saying it
was me...he had it in for me...bigtime...one time he
picked me up for sumpin' and I was a chocolate mess..
and I mean a mess...he sneered at me

him: "yah know,jim..were gonna find you tits up-stiff
in some bathroom around here one o' these days"...

me: "well uhhh, you know..mountain climbers die
climbing mountains..race car drivers die racing
cars...cops die being cops...dopers die doin'
dope...its all the same thing, man"...

he got that sort'a plexed look on his face over what I
thought then, and still think now, as pretty good
logic... but anyway...he was in on the two busts that
had put me in the gravest legal trouble of my life and
he liked to rub my nose in it when he could-and
did...but, ..since I wiggled out of the system by
playing it straight, I never had anymore runs in
with him....
This cop went on to have some problems of his
own...got in trouble and a temp. suspension for
destroying evidence in some case...dirty type
shit..they didn't can him..just gave him a
vacation...he had other problems too....Last fall the
second page of the local daily paper had a story about
a man being found dead on his living room floor..the
man was a cop-in fact he was the cop who bedeviled
me...paper said "apparant heart attack" he was 40 and
had "health problems'...right...a few weeks after they
planted him for the long dirt nap I ran into one of
the local detectives, Lieutenant Blahblah..old home
boy-good guy-always straight w/me...he told me down
front...
the good Sgt Redface gacked himself out... alcohol and
prescription drug overdose-unintentional..oh
well,..better him than me, I figure
...karmic justice?..hell, I wouldn't even wanna guess.
Ironic? hmm? well, maybe...

all I know its the straight up truth...if I'm lyin'
I'm dyin'




So it's another night of the dreaded Martian sleep
deprivation program here in Loopyville. They're here.
Oh yes, they're here with their slender figures and
large heads. Their eyes huge dark and black as the
back side of the moon. Silently manuvering around the
house, swaying, floating. Their voices utter language
and words that I will never know.
Are they talking about me? They must be.
Am I the only one who can see and hear them? I think
so.
What is it they want? Why don't they go away?
Still, I find them fascinating in an eerie way. They
seem so docile, so relaxed, so unhurried as they go
about their duties.
Who knows what will happen next. Uh oh, here comes
their captain. Yes, he has something for them. It
looks like a...uh..a syringe and some sort of big jar
or bottle. It has something in it, a strange glowing
liquid that looks like mercury, only it's of a golden
color. Man, these cats are messing with my mind. I've
got to get out of here. They've got all my brain
fluids running the wrong way. I've never felt anything
like this before. Now they're coming over here where
I'm sitting..and...and they've loaded that needle with
some of that gold stuff out of that big vial. Oh,
shit, they're rolling up my sleeve. Oh,
holy-mother-of-jesus-fuck-me-in-the-ass they're gonna
give me a taste!
Ack!...easy now...oooh..ow..there it is..do
it...yeahhhhh..Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Well..Alriiiiight Chief..whooooa, yeah,
ummmmmm..tasty... oh hey.. wazzzup?..I'll get back to
you, yeah. It's all groovy, mm hmm yeah.. hey man,
give me a couple a minutes with my friends, umkay?
cool..then we can jam some more, eh? yeah..dig it.. uh
huh...





__________________________________