constipation

[joel]

Would I offend the love I do not know
to hold you in crass arms of simile,
in love like constipation? Then forgive—
but so I name an honest love. My love
is like the surest advent joy, conceived
in sweetness on my lips and held in trust
within my guts, beside my heart; believed
to fill my corpus soul with strength received
to wait for you. My love is like the thrust
of faith, fidelity yet unrelieved—
not uncontrolled. For you, awaited love;
I bear you through your mystery and live
assured you, yes, will come. Trust tenderly
if eagerly I wait you, love, to know.

[Axanderdeath]

Would I offend the love I do not know
to hold you in crass arms of simile,
in love like constipation? Then forgive—
but so I name an honest love. My love
is like the surest advent joy, conceived
in sweetness on my lips and held in trust
within my guts, beside my heart; believed
to fill my corpus soul with strength received
to wait for you. My love is like the thrust
of faith, fidelity yet unrelieved—
not uncontrolled. For you, awaited love;
I bear you through your mystery and live
assured you, yes, will come. Trust tenderly
if eagerly I wait you, love, to know.

joel that was good--but the name just made me think of making out with girls and really having to go and not wanting to--some many make out sessions have been ruined that way...

[Doreen Peri]

Your meter and cadence are perfectly stunning.... as well as your interior rhyme and voice. This piece, like others of yours, echoes a previous era and there are not many who write these days whose craft is honed to carry out such a voice so well. Although the sentiments are simple, they are universal and phrased in a way which displays your unique skill.

*smile*... well, all that is true and... I LIKED it! (could you tell I liked it? )

[joel]

Thanks, both of you, for very kind words! I appreciate them--especially because I enjoy your work so much,
and I know your voices are so profoundly different
and so excellently executed.

And I sympathize(, don't we all?). How "many make out sessions have been ruined that way...".