Post
by joel » February 23rd, 2006, 3:25 pm
I cry easily--it's embarrassing. Over dumb stuff too. I shouldn't even listen to country stations on the radio when I'm on the highway...some of the songs have me in tears just because I anticipate where they're going. Empathy overtakes me easily--but I don't often cry for myself.
Last Tuesday I got some honest feedback from good friends. Not all the time, they said, but sometimes I come off pretty arrogantly. Critique of what I do doesn't hurt...but I heard this as critique of who I am.
Historically, I've understood myself on the oppressed and dominated side of bullying. I've hated myself for the flaws I accept from others; how could I hear I have done the same and not cry? How can I have ever left someone I love feeling like a peon and not wrap myself in the remose of my own grave?
How can I struggle with my own level of esteem and self-loathing and lord myself over someone else?
Gratitude for enlightenment did not stop the butterflies' wing-beats, collected in my crying in light mockery of my shame.
Thanks for your words. Thanks for your voice.
"Every genuinely religious person is a heretic, and therefore a revolutionary" -- GBShaw