The Shock and Awwwwww...

[ButtercupNutSwirlz]

...of love on a cloudless day



I love the inner you
though you
won't let me touch
won't let me reach
won't let me feel
Held back
Except for little glimpses

I want the catastrophe of you
to envelop me
I welcome your crashing waves

I lie here
Nurture what stands alone
Become one with the dischord
Absorb the hate
And watch
as that churning pool
of hard sorrow
becomes calm
beneath a gentle hand

Caressing the line that separates
I admire the differences
Reach out across the miles
and fuck you
into oblivion

[joel]

I want the catastrophe of you
to envelop me
I welcome your crashing waves

I really like this! The section quoted above seems to break the flow for me a little. A reworking of that part might tie it all up a little more poignantly for me...but I only say that liking the whole thing a lot as it is.

[ButtercupNutSwirlz]

Thank-you joel.

I'm glad that section broke up the flow a wee bit. It is as it should be, it's not really meant to be continually a smooth transition, a smooth flow.

And just on a side note, I intend for it to be somewhat base in nature. A mixture of sweetly romantic and come hither fuck me. So I hope that came across.

I tend to say things poetically I might never allude to in reality...I'm rather shy you know.

[joel]

It did come across; I really like the juxtaposition of romance and let's-get-it-on.

And as for the break, it worked well for slowing the pace and being all earthy. It was perhaps a little cliche, but I use cliches--why shouldn't anyone else?

[ButtercupNutSwirlz]

cliche? Yas, I'm all covered, smothered in cliche! Why hell, I even wrote a poem about it! I'll have to share it sometime. It's raw cliche as all cliche should be.

Life's cliche and I'm just the person to embrace it. Use what ya got I always say.

Thanks joel.

ps: I actually wasn't going for earthy but more for the desperation quotient!

[stilltrucking]

Wow
Just noticed this one buttercup



I don't know why people think Shakespeare is so great.
I watched Hamlet last week and it was full of clichés

[Barry]

What an awesome poem. And the way it ends, leaving me wondering, "Does that mean the one thing or the other? Maybe both?"
Outstanding from where I stand.

Peace,
Barry

[hester_prynne]

Unrequited love of life.
Putting words around this is quite a feat.
Bravo buttercup!
H

[still.trucking]

I had no idea what the poem was about other than it was like a peek into the feminine psyche and I was very happy to have read it. Thanks for the modulation Hester.

[mnaz]

Reach out across the miles
and fuck you
into oblivion

I have politicians for that. But thanks for the offer. heh.