blackout

Post by **ALundwall** » April 9th, 2006, 2:29 am

blackout

silence unfolds its wings before me & now gazing into her navel exposed
i’ve found myself entering that sweet decimal point that forbidden asterisk
strolling through that twilight tunnel wandering about in circles this illusion
is revealed as it truly is silence begins again & again repetitiously echoes
renewed by this distraction at the same time dealt a dirty fatal blow in large
shocking avant-font she seems ne’er care to have left me stranded to have
left me gone reaching desperately for the plateau of her stiletto heels her fine
artsy petals how incubation spirals me i am smothered by her red corset
her black stockings brokenhearted & hammered in tube station bumming
a smoke from some wild-eyed stranger this warmth of occupation
this hand-me-down the chill of commuters rushing faces disappearing
within the wormholes of bloodshot eyes all faces wearily looking home-
ward even if it be made of cardboard & discarded bits of aluminum foil
or in the whale guts of an abandoned swimming pool directionless
hardly did i know this to be my final final destination doors closing
doors closing doors closing doors closing please step away
from the doors

Post by **stilltrucking** » April 9th, 2006, 9:04 am

Brilliant. I wish I could find some avant font to praise it.

In the belly of the love, the belly of the city, the belly of the beast

I got to thinking about where placentas connect. To the gut I suppose and then I was reminded of this poem.

http://www.potw.org/archive/potw158.html

Don't mind me. I go off on tangents all the time

Thanks
I enjoyed reading it. I probably will read it again and again.

Post by **Doreen Peri** » April 9th, 2006, 1:03 pm

Welcome to the Studio, Andrew! Great to read you again!

I like the lyrical phrasing in this piece. Vivid images, too. Nice!

Post by **stilltrucking** » April 9th, 2006, 3:50 pm

"The thing about poetry is the words communicate before they are understood."

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/stor ... Id=5331955

lyrical phrasing in this piece. Vivid images

Wow thanks DP

I never even noticed.

more reasons to enjoy it.

Post by **mousey1** » April 9th, 2006, 5:09 pm

This was a very smoothly flowing read with some really fantastic lines. Loved the ending.

One very very very small nitpick, if you don't mind my mentioning it, is the

ne’er care

I read the piece out loud you see and it just doesn't sound quite right to me, might I suggest...

she seems not to care that she has left me stranded left me gone

Anyway, perhaps I am mistaken, it's probably just me.

Excellent write.

Post by **stilltrucking** » April 9th, 2006, 5:36 pm

Well mousey to me it sounds ok as a single sylable likd "near" or "nair" but if it is pronounced two sylables I would agree.

I have not read it out loud though.

This bit here made my day.

hardly did i know this to be my final final destination doors closing
doors closing doors closing doors closing please step away
from the doors

is it a contraction (ne' er) or accent beats me.

Post by **ALundwall** » April 9th, 2006, 6:49 pm

added to the flow...i could have said "never" i could have rid myself of "ne'er" entirely but i chose it as it added to what i felt was the flow and the continuity of the piece..."never" seems clunky in comparison...i felt that the word made it whole...made it living...i can see where some might have problems with that particular word...still though i like it as it stands...

--andrew

ps...

to all studioeight readers and folks who seem to like my work:

please order a copy of my new book "klang" through mark s. kuhar's deep cleveland....

url: http://www.deepcleveland.com/deepclevelandbooks.html

also...i am starting up a brand new webzine entitled "melancholia's tremulous dreadlocks"....submission guideleines can be found here:

http://www.melancholiastremulousdreadlocks.com

Post by **judih** » April 9th, 2006, 11:22 pm

hi andrew
so good to see your cut-up self in smooth oiled flow

mazal tov (luck good!) on receiving a markk blessing - may you sunshine a huge portion of planet

judih

Post by **stilltrucking** » April 9th, 2006, 11:50 pm

yes it flows as one sylable

I agree

I read it as ner

as in ner do well.

It worked for me.

ten four on the flowing

nice work.

I hope you know
That I know
nothing about
poetry
I just like to read

I had no idea it was a cut up

Post by **ALundwall** » April 10th, 2006, 1:06 am

actually it's not a cut-up...it's a pretty straightforward piece...i rarely attempt a cut-up...i create cut-ups for inspiration sometimes...there are times where i've added peppered in a line or lines from a cut-up to a poem if i think that it is relevant to a particular piece but for the most part i prefer to write straight ahead (i guess depends on what you consider "straight ahead") stuff...

thanks to judih for comments...and to you stilltrucking...and to mousey...and doreen...

check out my poets blog at: http://marginwalker.blogspot.com

Post by **judih** » April 10th, 2006, 6:37 am

andrew! "Straight Ahead"
straet a hed
st
rate
a head

how straight i yam - i see you and i curve to a new line

Post by **stilltrucking** » April 10th, 2006, 9:04 am

I did a nose dive into her belly button
I made a grand tour of her internal organs
I made my escape through her birth canal
But there is no exit from this city

I have the feeling I missed the last train
And I feel so relieved.

Mr L
Thank you for posting
I hope you will honor us again

Post by **dolphin girl** » April 10th, 2006, 10:55 am

I found this piece to flow rather nicely, despite no punctuation; which I know is a purposeful thing. Something I could never do.

Enjoyed the read.

Post by **ALundwall** » April 10th, 2006, 3:38 pm

gee whiz...thanks everybody!

--a

Post by **markk** » April 24th, 2006, 10:02 pm

klank klang klang!

keep the rattle & hum grooving

peace

markk

Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

blackout

blackout

mousey...i thought "ne'er"

hey you old bird

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