http://www.hipark.austin.isd.tenet.edu/ ... /spock.GIF
Funky Aliens
for release 05-26-06
Washington D.C.
Are there any illegal aliens in the audience tonight? (raise your hand)
Oh, of course you won't admit it. But we all know that they are walking among us.
What do honest politicians and aliens have in common? You hear of them, but you never see one.
So, we hear talk about building a wall to keep them out. We're going to deploy the National Guard.
Don't these idiots know that you can't keep aliens out with a wall? They have little saucers. They use teleportation and time warps and ion drives. Don't you watch Star Trek?
Aliens don't need to learn english, they are telepathic. They don't need green cards. They're green.
Anybody that knows anything about aliens knows that they don't need to steal the identities of American citizens, they just inhabit our bodies. Take Dick Cheney for example. He's obviously an alien. I'm starting to suspect Lou Dobbs.
Oh yes, there are conspiracy theorists that will tell you that the aliens are only here to suck up our social services and ruin our schools and hospitals and that they are smuggling dope and young virgins and busily beaming their paychecks back to Alpha Centauri to finance a continued invasion. This has always been the question about aliens. Are they friendly and seeking to help mankind, or are they soul sucking parasites who want to destroy our planet? Are they little gumby creatures with bulbous heads and kind, watery eyes or are they snarling, snapping, betoothed serpents from hell? It depends on who's telling the story.
Flying saucer pulls into a gas station. It's full of aliens. They cruise up to the pump. "$3.00 a gallon?" says the driver (he has gang tattoos.) "Let's go fill up in Venezuela, it's 11 cents there."
We all know that aliens have super powers. They can slip into our country and vanish into the landscape. They have the uncanny ability to work for a sub-minimum wage and still survive while sending money home to their relatives.
At a time like this, we must ask ourselves: What would Capt. Kirk and Spock have done if the Enterprise was being invaded by aliens, whether they be Tribbles or Klingons or The Borg? Spock would have told Kirk that there were only two logical solutions. You either befriend them or you destroy them.
I think we should turn the alien problem over to private contractors. Oh wait! We've already done that. The contractors are companies that hire aliens. They love aliens. Aliens work like robots for very little pay.
Or we could start a secret government project like Project Blue Book to systematically deny that there are any aliens here at all.
Our Congress, in it's exalted scientific wisdom, has made a stab at a compromise between Spock's alternatives of befriend or destroy. It looks like they are going to try and do both. They are going to spend billions of dollars to companies like Bechtel and Halliburton and Blackwater to develop some fantastic Star Wars border security system with mile-high walls and satellite sensors and force fields that they will advertise as a Virtual Great Wall of China and like the Great Wall, it will not accomplish its purpose. And they are going to establish a sort of indentured servant system called the Guest Alien Program so that the benefits of cheap labor continue to flow.
The Poet's Eye sees that the only way to solve the alien problem is for The Federation to establish a Universal Minimum Wage that applies throughout the galaxies.
I want to tell you 'bout
The Funky Alien
with his wiggy space jive.
He's so very, very
interplanetary
dig the saucer he drives.
--Lrod
listen to The Funky Alien
