The Strange Characters

[merlynh]

The Strange Characters

I don’t think I see the world as others do anymore. I’m beginning to realize I think I went off the deep end long—ago. Use to think that seeing images on the walls was just my imagination playing tricks on me. You know like small cracks grouped together in the wall. Look at in a certain light it reminds you of a spider; get real close and take off your glasses and it looks like a dragon. I’m beginning to hear voices in my head now. Those images don’t just look like something anymore. They—come—alive and talk to me. I’ve been trying to convince myself it isn’t real. But I must admit it’s getting pretty odd. It’s like that strange character that keeps appearing in my life lately. I guess the first time I really saw this character when life was really getting ruff. You know money wise. Found myself not able to pay the unimportant bills, you know like credit cards, let it go for one month and next month it’s even more. Two payments plus late charges and interest; hey I got to pay the rent and buy food. Pay them? No food no place to live. Then the phone calls started. I remember picking it up after it rang.

hello?

“Are you Mr. So and So?”

Why yes I am

“This is Mr B. S. with the harassment department with your local credit card company. I noticed you haven’t got off you ass and give us the money you owe us. What do say I just make some arrangements and talk you into something I know you can’t afford so we can charge you even more money.”

I’d, I’d really like to, to do that; it certainly would take a load off my mind. What do you have in mind?

“Three hundred dollars a month until you get caught up. I’ll just make arrangements, let’s say under your contract you’ve agreed and we sent us a payment in five days. Oh else. Ha. Ha Ha. Sucker!”

I’m sorry I can’t afford that. Then I hear a click and then a dial tone. Hang the phone up. A moment later it rings and I pick it up. Hello? Hello is anybody there? Hear a click. This happens about three times. Finally on the fourth ring. Hello?

“Mr. So and So this is Mr. B. S. We don’t appreciate our customers hanging up on us. We’re here to give you—the service! You rightly deserve. You were being rude. So don’t do it again.”

Have you been calling me and hanging up on me?

“No Mr. So and So that wouldn’t be legal. We’re in the customer harassment department. We’re real thinkers here. Up standing individuals who have the highest moral standards. Our mission is to keep everybody honest by harassing them into being responsible citizens. Let me assure you we’re regulated by the stupid ass government who are our comrades in messing with people’s minds.”

Oh my

“That’s right Mr. So and So. We make the Wicket Witch of the West look like Tinker Bell. So don’t mess with us. Send us that three hundred dollars in three days. I’ve already checked the little box here on the form attached to your original legal contract saying you’re already agreed to it.”

But I didn’t.

“Yes you did Mr. So and So. . . You calling me a lair? Soon as I get off work I’ll come over there and stick my hand down your throat!”

You don’t have to do that.

“Well then pay up time is running short. I got others to call and mess with their minds. You’re not the only chicken liver I have to deal with. What time is it?”

Four forty five.

“Well I just updated the deadline to five o’clock. You got fifteen minutes to run your ass over to Federal Express and wire us our money. Time is running out. Now get your ass moving!”

I haven’t got three hundred dollars.

“Well how much do you have?”

Oh. . . ah. . . about thirty five cents.

“Well Mr. So and So that’s not going to get it. We need that money. In fact I’m demanding you give it to us. Go rob a bank, shot your grandmother; go mug someone if you have to. But get that money here in ten minutes. Time running out. Do it now! I got twenty other guys I got to see after work. The more I have to see the meaner I get. Besides it tires me out. I start using my gun. One shot in the head and it’s through. Saves on the broken knuckles. But I think I’m going to make a special case of you Mr. So and So. First I’m going to pistol whip you into unconsciousness. Then when you wake up? I’m going to stick my pistol right between you legs and blow your balls off. Ha. Ha. Ha.”

You’re evil.

“I told you we’re buddies with the stupid ass government.”

I am going to hang up now your upsetting me.

“Don’t be a baby on me now. . . Grow up! Be a man! Stand up! Stand up and be responsible! Be a man. You coward!”

I’m hanging up.

“You can’t hang up. I’m going to be sitting on the other side of your phone until you pay up. In fact now the whole five thousands dollar is due. Right now! I’m checking the box. So it’s going to be either rob a bank for a jewelry store now. I’ve already checked the box you’ve agreed to pay by five o’clock. Better hurry up. You got five minutes. Get moving! Don’t give us any excuses we don’t care if you get thrown in jail. In fact we’ve already contact the local law enforcement to be on the look out for you. Just get that money to us before they catch you. We’re responsible citizens here. Now be responsible. Get moving!”

I hang up. A moment later the phone rings. Hello. Hello. Anybody there? Then I hear a click. Hang up the phone. A moment later it rings again. Hello. Hello.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. I’m never going to leave you alone.” Click.

I hang up the phone. This whole affair has pushed me to the limit. I start babbling to myself. It’s only a matter of time now. Someone is going to come knocking on the door. I’m thinking it might be just be just like that guy who just messed with my mind. He’s all talk I don’t really think he’ll really do what he said. He’s just doing his job. Darn good at it if you ask me. Shock me up real bad. Like waiting in a doctor’s office for your test results to see if you got cancer and have a week to live. Couldn’t get any worst; nothing could, I was holding on to the shortest straw. Okay you drew it. Now jump into the volcano and save the virgin princess. You life means nothing. So I start staring at the door. I end up in a trance. The whole world disappears. The door. The door . That’s all there is. The door. The door. Then I hear this scratching; you know like some branch that the wind is moving up against a widow. But it keeps getting louder and louder, gnawing through my brain like grinding teeth or someone running their nails across a chalkboard. It’s driving me crazy! Then all of a sudden I see these two paws digging their way through the door moving fast like some crazed animal digging under a chicken coop; hungry wanting to get in. Then when the legs on the paws work their way all the way through. They pull back. I wait; shake my head thinking I’m seeing things. Then I see this head peering what seems just out of sight. All of a sudden a large wolf like head suddenly pushes it’s way into the hole. Snarls, grins and says.

“I’m going to get you. It’s only a matter of time.” Looks over his eyebrows at me.

I shake my head and the hole in the door disappears and goes back to normal. I think, man I’m really losing it. Man a shot of whiskey sounds pretty good right about now. Thinking if I had the money I’m go get a big bottle and get drunk big time. Or even wishing I had one of those pills the doctor gives everyone; you know the ones that makes you feel like you’ve just had brain surgery. So everything would just go away for awhile. So I lay down on the sofa and dream as to let everything that is real become unreal. In my dream I hear a knock on the door. Unconsciously tell the waken world to hold on a minute.

Go and open the door. A clean shaved fellow with fur on his noise is standing in the doorway hanging on to strings of different colored floating party balloons, and a rectangular box with a clipboard on top of it. Raises his eyebrows, grins and said, “Congratulations you’ve just won a twenty-five-year-old box of chocolates!” --holds out the clipboard-- “Just sign here on the dotted line and give me a check for fifty-three dollars and eighty cents for taxes, handling and promotional fees and I’ll give you your free prize.”

I already give at the office. – I slam the door shut—

I open my eyes and think how strange is that. Feeling have asleep. I think. I’ve seen this character some where before and can’t quite remember. As if it was some guy who would have jumped out of the bushes asked me if I had any change if I was walking with Red Riding Hood. Or who would show up knocking at her door asking if the three little pigs lived there, warring granny’s underwear! But instead he comes to my house. Only this time he’s cleaned shaved warring a pig skin hat with slits on the sides for his pointed long ears, golden locks of hair hanging from the red ban and a large turkey feather sticking out the back; sporting a bear skin coat and Rocky Raccoon wingtips shoes. As if that wasn’t ridiculous enough a full marching band was standing behind him. I just find it odd what some characters will go through to get involved in my life making reality seem different. If I didn’t know any better I’d say they don’t have my best intentions in mind. He’s the guy on the phone. He’s all the other strange people who believe they have the right to control others for their own means. I’m not crazy. It’s a strange world with strange characters.

© 2006 by Merlyn Hearn
All rights reserved.



“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”-- Groucho Marx

[merlynh]

What going on here? I do a few edits and now I have five views. Now it looks like five people have viewed this piece and haven't left a comment. How strange is that? Last time I counted it was? Let me see? I, me, myself, then there’s the other person I think; that I’m not. Then if you're reading this I become a different point of view then I change to you, him, that nut. I’m getting all confused.

“Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you”-- Groucho Marx

[Ann Bingham]

I just love this, it is so hysterically true. And ya know I hear voices and see things that aren't there too.