shoes

[Axanderdeath]

dirt is all around. stinking and I am smelling it. like when you step in dog shit and you have a whiff now and then and you are looking around at people thinking you stinking cunt, when in reality it is you that is stinking. that type of dirty feeling or realization has been following me around today like shit on my shoe—to avoid a circle I will leave that at that right now.

people are coming in to get there hampers to the church. I am there breaking down boxes. In my mind I am thinking “bastards cunts, whore, sluts, assholes, fags, fuckers, fucks, dicks, pricks” etc etc. everything is getting on my nerves. it is that wear that gets to you after a while of working in an environment that you have to put on a smile all the time. Smile and think, “now I got to look happy, it is Christmas”...... Yesterday I told everyone to fuck off—mostly because I am a hot head and could not stand the pressure anymore. I was about to quit but changed my mind because there is only two days left, today being one of those two, and I am zonked. Am I the shit or the shoe?

i am holding together. I am doing well enough to think that now something really bad might happen. i have always hated most people. I have always looked at people—like you reading as little fucks that somehow make it through day to day life doing the tricks that a few intelligent people taught “you”... you dick cunt bastards and bitchs.

so back to that stinking smell that is waffting around me—that surge spite that enrages and engulfs me when you come near and stand quietly watching me wondering “what is up with me”--”what is up with that guy?” you ask your stupid fucking cunt ass friend, and he or she says “oh that guys an ass” but you wonder—don't you—you wonder and you start to come up with your own ideas about what is going through my mind although your are not general like mine are about yours but detailed and the drive you crazy at night so you can not sleep GODDAMN wink.... you are shit on my shoe you are worry you are shit. fuck you!! fuck off. die!