Is marrige an antiquated concept?

[WIREMAN]

Discussion about this subject here at the coffee house and everyone seems to agree, that it is.......how do you feel?

[judih]

i never quite figured how in this modern age
when everyone's moving
when possibilities are endless
when growth is now and within the next second
when growing up never ceases
how a person at a young age can promise to stay with a partner 'forever'.

It's a weird practice that seems like a group charade.
Let's pretend we can pledge our entire lives to another. We can always divorce.

So, i tried one time, knowing it was a farce. Knowing that i was too young to know if he was the one, but thinking it just might work.

It didn't work. i wasn't mature enough to communicate my inner feelings - i hardly knew my inner feelings being so very swayed by outer influences.

So, we split. He did the divorce work while i was out of the country. No mess, no kids. Just the pain of splitting and feeling like a fool for undergoing a senseless ritual that added formal status to a relationship that was temporary.

Living with my partner now (for almost 28 years), i feel that this is real!
Ceremony? Every day is a ceremony. Every time we make love, make dinner, laugh with our kids and at life, we affirm our status.

But that doesn't mean that what works for us, works for others. Each must decide what feels right. Some people run off to have a wedding 'for the family.' Those are the people who truly feel tied to the ceremony, and, perhaps, need it in order to feel right.

Let it be. Let there be choice.

Any loving relationship is a blessing. Let there be more, for however long they last.

[mnaz]

Possibly.

Especially when it is used as a political tool, or wedge, to pander to the zealot swing vote...

Outdated? Maybe.
I'd just prefer to take it on a case by case basis...

[Doreen Peri]

I donno. It never worked for me.

I keep thinking that it's probably my fault.

I either chose wrong or I don't know how to have a relationship. *shrug* Either way, I'm to blame. LOL!

But "forever" is a very long time.

There's only one thing I know of that lasts forever.

And that's death.

Maybe that's what they mean by "'til death do us part." They're talking about the death of the relationship.



I think those who are able to stay together for many years are very lucky to have that type of stability and growth together. In my experience, it doesn't happen very often. I don't know many people who have been together with a partner as long as judih has been with hers.

I was just talking to my daughter about this yesterday. She told me that at least 75% of her classmates have divorced parents.

Divorce is the norm these days.

So why do they get married to begin with?

I donno. Probably lots of legal reasons like if one dies, the other gets the estate and the kids and getting married also saves money in taxes and insurance but hey, it can be financially devastating to both parties if the contract doesn't work out.

I'm not doing it again, that's for sure. But is it antiquated? I doubt if marriage will ever be eliminated. People still want to believe in love that lasts even though there's so much proof in the world that it doesn't. LOL!

[hester_prynne]

It is indeed antiquated, thank God.
However, here's to the antiques that still shine and dazzle together!
Sigh.

Marriage has never been a very fair option for women so of course in our more aware and modern times marriage is a thing of the past. It was swell while it lasted, but hey, women are just too independent anymore to get sucked into that needy role shit.
Do your own laundry for god's sakes, and pick up after yourself on your own without being nagged and please, contribute to the survival pot okay!
Take responsibility for your kids man.
I mean Sheesh!

H

(Alot of men are really taking more responsibility nowadays, and that's a good thing, albeit tardy)

[stilltrucking]

Oh yeah I been talking about this on another board going to repost some of it here.

I am out of it hester not much I can speak to this subject never married, no kids unless you count abortions.
ST wrote:

It is a pretty cultural specific subject. Marriage takes so many forms across the species. I have never been married so I can not speak from experience. But If Joseph Campbell is right, I think our Judeo/Christian construct of marriage dates back to 11th century France. When people first began to think about amore and not just the bottom line economic reasons . I like the “walking marriage” practiced by the
Mosuo people of China

http://studioeight.tv/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=9672

[stilltrucking]

Take responsibility for your kids man.

A f'in men
sweet talk a woman out of aborting your/her baby
then get cold feet
give her no comfort

but you know that varies from culture to culture too
a tribe in South America, I think
when a woman is pregnant
nobody wants to know her
finally she goes off into the bush and has her baby alone. then slips back into the society and life goes on.

I call them the screw you bitch I GOT MINE tribe.

But i forgot what their real name is.

[e_dog]

Marriage is an institution vital for society.

There is as yet no better mechanism for keeping the desires of sadomasochists occupied, even if only temporarily (given the sad incidence of divorce), -- isolating them from the general population.

[Arcadia]

here is still common, but people that isn´t married or is divorced and not married is not put in hell now (that´s an avance). I´m not in a pro-wedding tradition family, my mother didn´t want to get married but she did. I´m the one between my generation friends with a wedding parents photo with the bride dressed in green with short skirt and black medias... they never divorced, I guess they loved each other in their particular way (as all couples that are still couples do).
I don´t know, it´s a lot of money for lawyers, some money for the church an party-organizators... but maybe they would keep making money anyway if weddings don´t exist. It could be a big happening, but you can do a big happening by other means anyway...
mmm... and I always considered a bit creepy to sign a contract with a person I loved with a lawyer as a testigo...

[stilltrucking]

Bukowski Stuff.

Watching the last couple of minutes with his wife.



and on the other hand

some can

From an interview with Isabel Allende in my local paper this morning.

“…Then marrying Willie (husband and attorney William Gordon) and finding love again. I can say I’m a very happy wife. When people ask me where are my roots, my roots are really in Willie. It’s not a place, a house or a country, it’s really in him.”

Lisening to an interview a few months back two women writers discussing marriage. Talking about little girls dressing up playing brides. They all got it planned right down to the cake. All they need is a man to fill in the blank. One woman said, "a husband, the ultimate accessory."

Do you want to be a Polyester Bride?

[e_dog]

here is still common, but people that isn´t married or is divorced and not married is not put in hell now (that´s an avance). I´m not in a pro-wedding tradition family, my mother didn´t want to get married but she did. -- Arcadia

that divorcees and fornicators and cohabitators should be consigned to hell is only fair. evens things out with respect to those who ARE married -- who are thus already living in hell.

well, maybe not the divorcees. they deserve a reprieve, some respite.


stilltru'

bukowski's the greates poet in american letters postWWI(I). but a scumbag. all great poets is scumbags, tho. Rimbeau, Bodylaire, Moorison, Keroucky, Ginsbourgeois, 'cept Snyder -- a nice fella he.

[mnaz]

ya

[mtmynd]

well, being an antiquated old fart myself marriage has been good for me.

[sooZen]

My first marriage sucked...I was married all of nine months and was SURE I would never marry again, who needed it?

I found a friend, a best friend and we lived together for two years and then on the spur of the moment...we got up, got dressed and headed for the justice of the peace. I have been married to my best friend all of 36 years and it is the most wonderful thing I ever did.

Marriage is great for me. Our relationship has only gotten better, we have grown up together and raised kids together, shared tragedies and joys side by side.

I am an advocate of marriage and commitment to a partner but it has to be a partnership. And, I don't believe in staying in a marriage that is abusive or unequal. Marriage is a lot of work and most people, IMHO, are not willing or able to put in what it takes to stay in one that is healthy and compassionate.

I love my partner sometimes, I hate my partner sometimes...those are just emotional states but I am committed to him and our relationship for as long as it works and we work at it...'till death we do part and perhaps, if we are lucky, maybe beyond...

[stilltrucking]

No mark I do not believe marriage is antiquated. I just think some people do it because that's the way they always heard it should be

I know of at least one very happy marriage, my brother the jitterbug and his wife, I have never heard a cross word between them. I have never heard them fight about anything, but they laugh a lot.



to each his/her own
it ain't for everyone
not a character flaw
we are what we are