A Patter OF April Rain

[stilltrucking]

the state of my being
the tears won't come
and I can't cry

nothing to do but sit here and weep words

"A big sad ape"
sits and types
Since I was born in 1940
my demons always seem to populate my days in April

this monkey brain has so much reason
so easy to justify rage
sufficient sanity
plenty of forethought
and in for an inch
and every day
another hero is born

They it is all going by The Book
from Alpha to Omega
are we not fearfully made?

[stilltrucking]

It's Going by the book

It's all rock and roll to me.

all I want to do is dance
jitterbug my blues away

[stilltrucking]

Afterthoughts......

Born to follow that book they tell me.
And if that dude is on that elevator to hell
Then I will waiting for it when it comes back up

Where did I go wrong
I am a born flollower
Scripture?
Fron the Norton Anthology of Sacred Literature
I suppose that makes me a heretic.

I can't judge him
going to hell
who am I to say?

My grandmother could not say the name H*tler, all she could do was spit and say "him" .

Then she would look down at the ground and say something like "lig in dweard" lie in the earth she would say.

Born to follow
that is why Christ spoke to his flock
I suppose

there is no pattern to it
only in my lived experience is there a pattern
who knows what is going on in this best of all objective spatio-temporal worlds about us.

But in my april it always rains black tear drops of ink

just a coincidence, don't mean nothing, a random juxtoposition of events in the cruel month of april.



AN ECONOMY OF EFFORT

Not sure if this by anyways and means might be poetry

But it comes in spurts

From as deep a despair that I can reach

with these words

ecconomy of effort
when I can cry for two different tragedies
at the same time

[joel]

Since I was born in 1940

Forgive a shallow comment:
I was born in '80.
I've always appreciated that my age matches the last digit in the year--
of course that only works on for the calendar of Anno Domini
as far as I know.
That's all part of my need for order--
why I worship the Word of Genesis One--
why I write in rhyme and meter.
I don't know too much about '40--
is it a good vintage?

[stilltrucking]

I don't remember anything about it I was only about a month old and then it was suddenly 1941. I do remember what it felt like to me be a member of a family of jewish refugees. I tried to figure out when my earlies memories go back to, 1943 1944, maybe to 1945. I remember that I was small enough that my grandmother used to give me such wonderful baths in her kitchen sink.

I remember listening to the war news on a old floor model radio in her parlor, black out shades on the windows. And fear, I remember that.


The modern world ended in 1939 they tell me.



I don't think I worship bell book or candle anymore. Mostly I get my religion from poetry. Plenty of that in the bible. Eccesiastes and proverbs I have read many times. Job a couple of times and I have started reading the Revelation of John. SO many people walling around with $$ signs in their eyes saying its da rapture, the end times, lets get it while we can. Cause its going to take a lot of money to get to heaven and reap our just rewards.

The old testament a problem for me, I can't get myself to believe in G*d the real estate broker. I believe in the holy contour of life as seen from a space ship orbiting this holy planet. I don't see no national borders from a hundred miles out in space, it all looks like biblical land for me.


1940 was not a good year to be a jew anywhere except in Baltimore Maryland.

I was born to follow joel
where did I go wrong?

is it my
importunate mysticism?

Just a rhetorical question not a pop quiz

I can remember a lot about the year you were born

1980 was a shocker for me, all these guys in their twenties so into ronald reagonz. a grandpa figure maybe. I couldn't believe it when I was young I was all into Eugene Debs and norman thomas,

Somebody said if you are not a socialist when you are twenty you haven't got a heart got a heart. And if you are still a l a socialist when you are forty you haven't got a brain.

I am brainless

Going to see the wonderful wizard

get me a diploma from ole Wizz U.
with a major in dough ray me
It is a great country when anybody with a MBA can be elected president

thanks for reading
I hope I answered your question

I been hiding out here all day
I hope it is safe to turn off my computer now

That 's why I come here
to hide out.

sorry I think this will be my last post today I hope
I am pretty sure I am making less sense than usual.

[joel]

thanks, ST--and I mean that sincerely.

[stilltrucking]

I do believe in bells books and candles

I do I do

I am a cowardly lion
I do believe in spooks
and spooky entanglements

Have you ever seen a movie called PI?
I have never been able to watch it.
I always get spooked by the sceene in the deli where he is sittign at the counter and the Hasidic looking guy says to him "It's okay I am jew too"

Can't figure out why I cling to that Joel
maybe just a habit
something to fight about.
I nevr lived among jews
I grew up black.

[mnaz]

I remember listening to the war news on a old floor model radio in her parlor, black out shades on the windows. And fear, I remember that.


The modern world ended in 1939 they tell me.



I don't think I worship bell book or candle anymore. Mostly I get my religion from poetry. Plenty of that in the bible. Eccesiastes and proverbs I have read many times. Job a couple of times and I have started reading the Revelation of John. SO many people walling around with $$ signs in their eyes saying its da rapture, the end times, lets get it while we can. Cause its going to take a lot of money to get to heaven and reap our just rewards.

The old testament a problem for me, I can't get myself to believe in G*d the real estate broker. I believe in the holy contour of life as seen from a space ship orbiting this holy planet. I don't see no national borders from a hundred miles out in space, it all looks like biblical land for me.

It does to me, too. And I'm always outvoted on the point. I'm used to it by now. Forgive me for the snipping of your words, Jack, but this is a powerful reflection; one well worth considering.

[hester_prynne]

Indeed powerful Still, like a dejected bukowski sort of, much braver, much deeper than he ever went. That's what I love about you Still, your amazing depth and your herculean smarts, your beautiful humility.
You are one of my favorite mirrors.

Smoochies
H

[stilltrucking]

I don't know hester
I am trying to remember the poet hester
I think it was you

the line about I should have had a coin slot

remember that one.

I only wrote this one to put a quater in the slot
I hardly start any strings on this board
I was just paying my dues
Glad you liked it

So you look in my mirror and see a man
And I look in your mirror and see a woman

The modern world ended in 1939
the year of Freud's suicide
I just picked that date to pay a little homage to him

Was it the cancer or the war that made him ask for that fatal dose


Some say the world ended in 1914 But that is when it was born if you ask me. I sometimes think about Vienna in the early part of the last century, Freud, Einstein, H*tler all walking around the streets in search of their dreams. I think it is possible that they all might meet up in a work of fiction someday.

thanks for reading
mi amiga

[stilltrucking]

oh yeah one mor thing

My Herculean smarts

I used to be smart hester. A real little professor as a kid. Dejected is righ hestor, I could have done more with those smarts than drive a truck. I could have done work to relieve the suffering in the world. I could have been a proctologist even.

Yeah I play that game a lot Hestor
you know as long as you can see through me*
I know I am alright

White uptight and all right


*
as long as you can see through me*

I think I said pretty much the same thing to every woman here.

maybe only two or three

April doldrums

just sitting here typing
not smoking
listening to
it's all over now baby blue
and thinking about my twelve years as a sophomore pre-med student.
IT'S ALL OVER NOW BABY BLUE
that was the song she asked me about back in august when this medical melo drama began

How can a woman's pelvis be such an UN exeplored medical mystery in these days of wonders and miracles.