Conversations With a Cerebral Cortex (Left/Right)

[Susan Marie]

Happened to be surfing the web when I should be writing writing writing.

Instead, find myself flipping through playlists stopping at SOAD, (Aerials, Cubert, Chop-Suey), NIN (Downward Spiral, c'mon), Rage (ALL of it was written just for me), and various oddities I have collected here and there like a fucking mortician cashing in on the Black Plague.

Tiring of this, I drool over a 19" panoramic flat screen I shall never own.

I obviously adore torturing myself.

Clicking a bit too fast, I stumble upon a site about Brain Basics thinking: Now this looks interesting, right? Used to work in the medical field, a Urology nurse (insert sardonic grin) and began to read about Disorders of the Brain. Now, I have the DSM-IV, so none of this is much of a shock and yes, I am that anal, I actually have read it. Same with the PDR.

This site stated that the Cerebrum is responsible for sports, muscular activity, math, video games and drawing. Ok, now I can draw and am good at video games, so what the fuck? OH, there are two halves, ok then, that makes a little more sense to me now, lesse . . .

The Right Half is abstract (music, colors, shapes YES ---> me! Gimme a child puzzle, put me in a playpen, play me some concertos and I am good to go) and the Left Half is analytical, math (again, what is up with all the math?), logic, and speech.

I'm frum NY . . . so'lessjustossdaspeechwhideOwdamuthafuckin'winda, k?

Now I get to the part that seriously disturbs me: The right half of the cerebrum controls the left side of your body, and the left half controls the right side.

Eyebrows instantly raise.

If one side controls the other, and one side controls the other than am I correct in stating that the entire function of the Cerebrum is a blatant oxymoron?

Let's say you have one side of the brain saying: I want to color and the other side saying: I want to solve an equation that nobody really uses but we all have to know it in order to get through college.

What happens?

An argument insues. Of course it does. How typical

Oh, it's a nasty one, too. The Right side is totally fucking pissed because all it wants is its frigging crayons and the Left Side wants to be all serious and shit, causing nosebleeds and migraines.

Crayons get poked in innocent eyeballs, numbers start flying around making no mathematical sense whatsoever (as if they ever have) and before you know it, one fist is clenched and the other is balling up. Before you can even say: I need meds, your left hand comes out of left field? and lays a beamer on your Right Temporal Lobe.

The Temporal Lobe starts bitchin': Shut the Fuck up, can't you see I already have constant fucking pain?"

All hell breaks loose. Arms are flailing, eyes crossed, legs become numb, sayin': Fuck this noise and back right the fuck out of this argument.

GREAT. Now you are stuck in a fucking chair beating the shit out of yourself for no good reason other than some fucking scientist discovered that one side of the brain controls the other side and if this is an actual TRUE statement then please explain to me WHY I am unable to use my left hand for anything useful and am right handed?

Does that mean my Right Side of the brain is selfish? Does it despise the Left Side because it is more intelligent? Is the Left Side more relaxed, artsy, bohemian, doesn't give a shit? Does the Left Side sneak out at night having brandy with Einstein while the Right Side slips online shopping for super padded headphones you cannot find anymore like when you were a kid?

Of course not. They control each other. How is this possible? The Seven Day Theory of the Creation of the World makes more sense to me at this moment.

SNAP --> THUNDER --> LIGHTNING --> WORLD

So I ask myself, reaching for band-aids and tissues to wipe up the mess I have made of myself, how can this be? One side MUST work independent of the other in order for each side to function.

Or is it correct in stating that The Right Side controls the Left Side and the Left Side controls the Right Side? Well, if this is a true statement, then how in the fuck does anything get done when one side likes to do THIS and one side likes to do THAT?

I believe that is why I write. I use both hands, both parts of my brain, my legs are crossed in disagreement and both parts of my brain seem to agree (kinda) and are equally twisted in their own ideal of what is right and wrong.

With that being said:

Does that then make me a scientist?

[stilltrucking]

Yes I think it does make you a scientist.

Maybe you should submit this one to.
Dynamical Psychology
An International, Interdisciplinary Journal
of Complex Mental Processes

Application to Dialectical Psychology

As Ambrose Bierce remarked, "The human brain not only can hold two contradictory ideas at the same time but insists on it."

http://www.goertzel.org/dynapsyc/dynacon.html

Great word play, I enjoyed reading it.

[eugeneherman]

as a member of this RHYME family , u r a MADE scientist!