Someone has stolen my writing

[izeveryboyin]

I have been in such a wretched dry spell these last few months. I haven't picked up the pen... or rather, the keyboard, for much more than idle ramblings, or general comments. My creative zeal has become lost in the mire of trying to have a real life... and now that I've looked back on it, I'm realising that "real" is in the eye of the beholder, and maybe, just maybe I was fooling myself with this grand idea that I could achieve the perfect state of being by focusing on some dim goal that I wasn't even sure I wanted. B/c look where it's gotten me. There is almost nothing worse in creative circles than a writer who has lost her spark. I can't really seem to make it happen. And it's not for lack of trying, or even lack of subject matter. I don't really know why I can't create as I used to create. Perhaps I am only able to work on one big project at a time, and my mind is too busy helping me through pregnancy to bother with silly poems and stories. I don't know. Perhaps I am thinking too much about it... perhaps I want it to happen so bad that I am in some subconcious way blocking myself from it. Am I becoming Freudian here, or just crazy? Sometimes I wonder if they aren't the same thing. What happens to a skill like writing when one has a dry spell? Where does it go? Does it exist in a parallel universe, waiting for one to be sane enough to handle it again? Or should I say free enough? I think now I am rambling. Perhaps thats why I can't write anymore. I can't shut the fuck up about everything else long enough to sit down and create something. It would be a cruel irony that so suits the tone of my life. But I suppose a bad explaination is better than no explaination at all, right? Right?

[stilltrucking]

But I suppose a bad explaination is better than no explaination at all, right? Right?

There it is, so human.
No body had more bad explanations than Freud.
I think you are onto something with this one izzy.

Am I becoming Freudian here, or just crazy? Sometimes I wonder if they aren't the same thing.

My father (affectionately known by his family as Crazy Mike) raised me on Freud.

It was always about ulteriour motives with him. I was always stabbing him in the back.

I know what my ulterior motives in this post are.

They are selfish. I like your eye Kayla. A writer's eye, "the eye of a little god" (plath)

Anything you write is interesting to me.
You ain't bored me ever.
You have pissed me off plenty though

[tinkerjack]

When I first read the title to your post I felt guilty as hell cause I quoted you to bennieII and thought maybe you were pissed about that.

Now that I think about it you were the one who said I pissed you off.
I don't think you ever pissed me off.

I just got such bad memories of a string when you whimsical deb and I were going round and round about slavery. You know what. I don't want to talk about it. Sorry I brought it up.

I don't want to think about WD until the next time she blows through.



I am so cold blooded sometimes, in the back ground just over the horizion of my consciousness I try to repress the thought that I am wondering how your pregnancy is effecting or affecting maybe your writing.


sock puppets, a story about a six year old boy winning a talent show with his sock puppets.

RE tinker jack sock puppet
I been trying to confine my puppets to my artlog, or as I like to think of it my asylum for the terminally vain.

sorry about the tj sock puppet.

I will try to delete this and repost it later as ST.

[izeveryboyin]

I think that if we as writers could not inspire emotion in one another we would be poor writers indeed. I like that you get me angry. You've know idea how good it is to just feel something, when you have been so emphatically numb for so long. I hold no ill feelings for you b/c of our discussion. We had a difference of opinion which we both tried to express to the best of our abilities, and the fact that neither of us were willing to back down is what shows how deeply we believe in the things that are important to us. I admire you as much as I ever have. I don't think you have ever been selfish on these boards, ST... but then again, I may only being saying that b/c I can use this later when someone's accusing me of selfishness. See how foul my mind is?

--k

[Arcadia]

"I think now I am rambling. Perhaps thats why I can't write anymore. I can't shut the fuck up about everything else long enough to sit down and create something."

I don´t know. It´s not an obligation to write. It depends on what you need/want or just feel about it, or not ... If you notice that to ramble inables you to write the kind of things you want to write, then try not to rumble...
By the way, I like the way you write!

[stilltrucking]

When I say Freud was wrong I mean he sure did not get it right with the nonsense he wrote about women.

But he sure got my number Izzy.
He is the archeologist of my soul
I think of him more as an anthropologist than a physician.

SOme peopel can ramble izzy and it they ramble interestingly
unfortunately I am not one of the chosen few
but I think you are

Something Freud said that made a whole lot of sense to me was
"all human behavior is over determined"

our motives are complex

usually we have more than one reason for doing something.

I believe in the ramble Kayla

the holy goof

free association

the spirit game

one of the things that Crazy Mike used to say to me a lot was
"you can't stand success"

For some reason I am reminded of a line from a Vonnegut novel

"don't truth me and I won't truth you."

I remember hearing a woman writer say that having a child rewired her brain in subtle ways.

feeling nothing is the worse

grief is the worst emotion

emotionless state I know

the love sick blues runs a close second

it takes time to over come them
it takes sunshine and flowers
poetry
music
good food
frindship
and for a few fortunate souls
it takes writing.

I hope you are thinking about naming her after your grandmother.

I used to be a tradition in my family, children should be named after those that have passed on, not the living.

I wonder if her passing had anything to do with you wanting to have a child at this time?

If I have said anything here to make you angry I am sorry
I am an idiot.

I am trying to be sensitive to what you are going through

I think it must be a wonderful and fearful experience

one I can hardly imagine.

[izeveryboyin]

Arcadia, I really not sure how rambling effects my actual writing... or if it effects it all... I'm not sure about lots of things lately.

St...I definitely didn't plan on becoming pregnant... but it was perhaps my grandmother's memory that helped convince me to keep it once it happened. I was originally very against the idea of children, especially being this young, and with someone whom I'd only been with for such a short amount of time. Perhaps I felt guilty that the pregnancy was mostly due to our forgetting the proper protection after one too many glasses of wine and wanted to punish myself or something. Who knows? I was thinking the baby would have my grandmother's name as her middle name. I think I couldn't have put the experience into better words than you have... wonderful and fearful. Yes... very accurate. I'm glad you're trying to be sensitive to what I'm going through. It's reassuring to have someone else admit they don't know what the hell they're doing, but they're sure as hell trying. I feel less like and idiot. See how useful you are?

--k