Limerick Therapy

[Lightning Rod]

So, doreen has been writing formal poetry
she's a much better poet than I
she can write a sonnet perfectly
and strings of haiku
and rictometer (which I call rectalmeter) and tanka
I'm not much into formulaic poetry
I think the ideas should drive
and not the form
I don't usually waste my time
trying to cram my ideas into a cookie cutter

But there is one exception
I love limericks

I went bananas
at Litkicks on St. Patty's Day few years ago
and wrote these in about an hour. I just ran across them while compiling material for my new book called Cool, Calm and Collected. These won't be in the book but I thought it might be fun to post them. You might recognize some of the characters.

Limerick Therapy

I went to limericks anonymous
because my behavior wasn't autonomous
I took a shower
with my higher power
and now limericks and I are synonymous

There once was a lady from Litkicks
Who wrote all her poems in black lipstick
Her tats and her piercings
And her brave ambrose biercings
Her fabulous intricate inktricks

There once was a poet named jota
Who wrote more poems than his quota
He just rolls his eyes
At the Pulitzer Prize
And drives off in his Toyota

There once was a swabby named knip
He was a sailor that shot from the hip
He just never planned
To get seasick on land
So now he just stays on the ship

There was a guy named Billectric
A Master of smooth dialectic
He tells you the stories
Both gentle and gory
No cynic but maybe a skeptic

Once a young man from Decatur
Put his member through a grater
When asked what he’d done
He just said, “Son,
That’s why my name’s Foolish Paeter

there once was a young Scot named Bennie
you can tell by my fingers so skinny
that I'm a professional poet
how would you know it?
I haven't yet taken a penny.

women who suffer from menopause
are like cats that forget how to draw their claws
I don't mean to slander
the goose or the gander
but do men go through womenopause?

There once was a Buddhist from Punk
Who was so full of venom and spunk
A drunk and stoned liar
From the Island of Ire
In the morning he’ll smell like a skunk

Feral is virtual thunder
Comes from the land of down under
A natural child
Domestic to wild
His thoughts are all scattered asunder

There once was a panta named rhei
She walked in the forest one day
She juggled and ran
And deepened her tan
She blessed the ground where she lay

There once was a lass named doreen’
Although visable couldn’t be seen
It couldn’t be queerer
She passed though the mirror
Observed but never obscene

There once was a Dave name of Dov
And everytime push came to shove
The internet it’s
Just giving him fits
Remember no love without glove

There was a young man named Bush
Who conquered the Afghani Kush
Then he jumped on Iraq
And caught him some flack
Then was thrown out on his tush

There once was girl name of 'Cracker
She became an internet hacker
She told E-Bay to get
a poet laureate
And now they're her corporate backers

[Arcadia]

are they british like the nursery rhymes, no?. Cool!!

[joel]

Ben Franklin, witty as the man was odd,
ejaculated prophecies from God—
his key to know the deity
electric spontaneity
swelled up in him like Lightning to a Rod.

[Lightning Rod]

Ben Franklin, witty as the man was odd,
ejaculated prophecies from God—
his key to know the deity
electric spontaneity
swelled up in him like Lightning to a Rod.

of course you hit a nerve with this one, joel

Ben Franklin is my ultimate mentor
not only because he invented the Lighting Rod
or because his picture is on a hundred dollar bill
but because he comes to me in my dreams
and whispers sweet secrets
among are which:
"to be as lazy as we are, you have to be very inventive."

[joel]

I always knew you were getting special tutoring from ol' Ben Frank!

[Lightning Rod]

Arcadia, they are not so much nursery rhymes as they are drinking rhymes, you know, silly and bawdy. What are the Spanish drinking rhymes like?

joel, yes he sits on my shoulder

[Arcadia]

drinking rhymes, drinking rhymes... well, the pre-drinking is never more creative than: "arriba, al centro, pa´dentro", the post drinking writing or evocative after drinking in these lands can be bordering metaphisycs... city version or rural version, the same.
My favourite ones: the tango "Los mareados" that doesn´t sound as a limerick at all... brillant music and lyrics. And also some folk piraresques rural/neo-rural coplas: my favourite one about this theme, a song (I don´t know the name) in a vesion of Juan Quintero and Luna Monti:

Cuando yo vine a este mundo
Dios ya sabía
Cuando yo vine a este mundo
Dios ya sabía
que me iba a gustar el vino
como la vida, como la vida
que me iba a gustar el vino
como la vida, como la vida.

...

Si peca el que toma vino
como el que ama
revisen el plan divino
que en algo falla,
viva el todopoderoso
tan generoso, generoso!

....

[Lightning Rod]

Cuando yo vine a este mundo
Dios ya sabía
Cuando yo vine a este mundo
Dios ya sabía
que me iba a gustar el vino
como la vida, como la vida
que me iba a gustar el vino
como la vida, como la vida.

is this roughly:

How much wine is there in the world?
God only knows
How much wine is there in the world?
God only knows
I like wine more than life
or wine is my life?

help me here, Arcadia
I need a walking dictionary