Okay, so where's my million?

[hester_prynne]

I was molested by a stepfather who took advantage of my mother's vulnerablity to get to me. He still lurks around here somewhere, probably still molesting little girls, a retired naval officer's clout......
Can I sue him? Or should I sue the media for retramatization?
Indeed, the money doesn't cure the lifelong sense of failure and betrayal one has to deal with, but it might soothe it some.
Not to mention the thousands of dollars out of my own pocket to pay for 35+ and still going strong therapy......
I'm so outraged and upset, and I can't be the only one.
I really really hate this shit.....kiss my ass everyone......
H

[Doreen Peri]

Yes, you can sue him. Well, actually have him arrested probably. I don't think there is any statute of limitations on child molestation. Maybe you should do just that.

No, you're not the only one. There are a lot of people just like you. I have sexual abuse in my past, too. Rapes. It's still effecting my life 37 years later. I doubt I'll ever fully get over it. If I could find those guys, I'd have them arrested too.

How are you doing otherwise, hest? How's the new digs? Guess what? Book's almost done! Finally! 8 months later. Geesh.

[izeveryboyin]

Hest, sue his ass blind. Not that money can ever be any consolation for what he's done to you, but if you gotta be fucked up, might as well be rich and fucked up, right? I think if my mother hadn't have moved us out of my stepfather's place when she did I woulda had a similar story to tell. Used to come stand in my doorway at 4 o'clock in the morning and just stare at me until he heard something or someone rustle. Pretty sick dude. You are definitely not the only one, and you won't be the last either. And regardless of what you have to go through emotionally you are a wonderful person and an amazing artist. Your writing is vibrant and alive, and I hear you've got a sultry voice to boot. Get down w/ya bad self.

--k

[stilltrucking]

what did your mother do?

[e_dog]

only if ya get raped by a catolick priest can ya get da cash. for the heatens, what ... guantanamo, they hire'em?

Abu Ghraib? Scooter Libby writes story?

[hester_prynne]

by my mother's vulnerability, I mean she was a woman abandoned by my father with 5 kids, and this monster was a means of survival, that's what I mean.
Oh, I get angry at her too, she looked the other way until he went after my younger sister.....
I want to sue the media too, for retramatizing all of us who were molested outside of the church....
I REALLY FUCKING HATE THIS WORLD AND ALL IT'S SHIT SHIT SH IT.
h

PS I wrote a scathing letter to Larry King about how i'm feeling as tonite he is going to be grilling the recipients of the payoff. If any of you have had a similar experience to mine, please write to him and tell him off too, threaten to sue the media for retriggering all this grief in so many of us......

[Arcadia]

sad, hester...!! but can you sue someone after all those years??
I was maybe psicological abused, but I guess -as Garcia says- it´s part of the religion...!!
best wishes!

[stilltrucking]

I REALLY FUCKING HATE THIS WORLD AND ALL IT'S SHIT SHIT SH IT.

Is there a difference between wishing you were dead and wishing you had never been born?

My sister wished she had never been born.

I think it is a beautiful world Hester. But I don't have many illusions about people anymore.

It it helps you to hate the world
well so be it.

in friendship jt

[Diana Moon Glampers]

On the subject of child abuse.

four feet under

The local news paper doing a story on murdered children.

http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/metro/ ... 2d27c.html

I had this discussion with eyelidlessness about the capacity for violence and murder in all of us. He said no that the VT shooter was an aberation we are not all murderers. I suppose Rwanda was an aberation too. Child molestation is violence too. The theft of childhood.

I can't dwell on it but I can't ignore it either. I have gone off the idea of supernatural evil. It seems perfectly mundane and natural to me.



I don't know hester

All I can do is feel the grace of god
My good fortune.
I think einstein was wrong
God does shoot craps with the universe.
Geez I must be rich I am so fucking smart

[hester_prynne]

It's almost unbearable for even me, a hard bitten ol sister, when this stuff is on the forefront, and so unfairly, so callously. Especially when the duress I'm feeling about things in general are already stacked up so high.
Yeah, I'm wondering why I even try so hard in such an obvious losing game.
And on days like today, it all seems almost insurmountable, unbeatable, unworthy of my efforts.
when I finally become but a blade of grass, then and only then will I truly be happy....
h

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Good days and bad days
like beads on a string
I suppose writing is a gift
cause it is all grist for the mill

when I finally become but a blade of grass, then and only then will I truly be happy

Maybe so
but meanwhile
lets dance while we can.

[Lightning Rod]

I've had every opportunity to look at myself as a victim
I try to resist it
I was abused on the playground in grade school
because I was small
this lasted until I learned to solicit the help of the
biggest, baddest football player on the school team
he wasn't too good at math, so I did his homework for him
nobody bothered me after that

I was never sexually abused, sometimes to my dismay

Looking at yourself as a victim becomes a habit
like any other habit, it becomes part of your bones
and then it keeps repeating itself from the marrow out
you begin to create situations where you are a victim
self-fulfilling marrow with no immunity to abuse.

I've been beat to within an inch of my life
I spit my teeth out around the barrel of a Smith & Wesson
I could look at myself as a victim
I could even sue the guy but you can't get blood from a turnip
he hasn't got pockets as deep as the catholic church
have I been abused?

I was robbed of my freedom for four years
by a trick that the police played on me
do I feel abused?

But I'm not going to let life destroy my life.
I refuse to be abused.
And I refuse to look at myself as a victim.
Why?
Because that guarantees more abuse.

A million dollars wouldn't make me claim to be a victim.

[hester_prynne]

LRod, I hope with all my might, that you are not trying to tell me anything.

If anyone has beat the victim odds its' been me, your neighbor, your mother etc.

My point is, that when it is in your face, sans insight, and sans sensitivity, well, it wouldn't be authentic to say it didn't bother the hell out of you. Nor would it be human. Sometimes I get human about it. But a victim? Never. I believe that the ones who are still really victims, are the ones still acting inhuman about it......
Peace and love
H