Stand back, dirty laundry being aired...

Post by **judih** » October 17th, 2007, 11:06 pm

If this is the way the communication is happening, then you're lucky. It's a start.
Along with a lot of hurt and anger and feelings of neglect that I see on both sides, I see a caring, a love and a want to be understood.
That's good.
You are, in my opinion, ripe for a good babysitter and a promise to listen to one another. Maybe a counselor? (but maybe not) Maybe simply a genuine commitment to throwing aside disrespectful language and stating your case. Listening is the key.

After the birth of a first child, you've both got fears and worries and doubts. It's scary. Along with having a beautiful new soul to care for - it's frightening.
The 6 week sex thing is not written in stone. Nothing wrong with other forms of sex, by the way. Penetration is fun, but well, lots of other stuff is fun, too. But before you can feel open to intimacy, talking is required. Non-attacking talking, that is.

You can make it. I see lots of love under the surface.
Remember, all kinds of personal feelings of insecurity zoom up to the surface when faced with the challenge of raising another human being. It's the most frightening task in the world. If you can commit to supporting each other - it will make it all so much more possible.

(and k, don't ever forget that you're not really going to be hormonally even for at least 9 months or longer. If you're ragingly emotional, those chemicals have a lot to do with it. As for him, he's got enough fears as a new father to drive him to louder volumes. Take it all into account)

It's not easy. But it's not really anything that has short cuts. It's a jolt and it's the start of a new process.

I hope something I've said resonates with you. Along with the terror of having to create your new family formation can come such psychedelically amazing joy that it's all worth it.

Post by **Doreen Peri** » October 18th, 2007, 1:06 am

we love you, izzy!

Post by **Lightning Rod** » October 18th, 2007, 10:50 am

Post by **izeveryboyin** » October 18th, 2007, 11:37 am

Thanks for your insight.

--k

p.s D if you think I should delete this post then by all means. It doesnt really make a difference either way to me.

Post by **stilltrucking** » October 18th, 2007, 4:42 pm

What would margaret meade have to say about it izzy?
How do we clear our minds of presuppostions about relationships?

"to clear one's mind of presuppositions is a very hard thing to do and, without years of practice, all but impossible when one is working in one's own culture or in another that is very close to it." Margaret Meade from Blackberry Winter

This sounds like a peaceful harmonious culture

In Mosuo, women don’t depend on men for money, and fathers don’t live with their children…

http://www.germancamera.com/kingdom.html

this was an interesting PBS Documentary about it

The Women's Kingdom
In China, how free can a woman be?
http://www.pbs.org/frontlineworld/rough ... on_to.html

And on the other end of the cultural spectrum are these people
A tribe somewhere south america, africa, or some pacific island I can/t remember. I lost the text book. I called them I don't give a fuck tribe.
When a woman is pregnant nobody wants to know her. She is scorned and ridiculed. And when her time comes she goes off alone and has the baby by herself and then rejoins the tribe. So it goes, generation after generation. Not a very pretty picture, not a very nice culture, but that is the cultural norm?

I am scared izzy
I can't imagine the changes you went through
but i don't think it is done with you yet

I think j has a point
a good point
My hope is that you and nate will grow into the relationship
I am hoping that you don't give up on nate yet

somebody delete this if it is unkind and or unhelpful
thank you.

Post by **hester_prynne** » October 19th, 2007, 1:35 am

I sensed a vague disappointment in both of you. I could be way off base, but in retrospect I wish I had been more accepting of some of my own past disapppointment phases. Or maybe patient is a better word......

I think looking for dates online is a little extreme, I mean that would bother me too. On the other hand, I might "look for dates online" to try and reach a partner I thought I was losing too, but I'd really be pretending....so there's the rub. It's a pretty juvenile thing to resort to, but hey.....we're all human.

You'll figure it out, keep communicating, you do communicate well, I agree with Judih.

Figure out what you're real limits are, and abide by them.

And of course I am a big believer in bringing these things out it the open, these things we never really talk about. So hey, I"m glad you posted.

H

Post by **Doreen Peri** » October 19th, 2007, 12:13 pm

btw, the only reason I deleted my reply is because you deleted your post and I didn't think it made any sense with the post gone. I truly hope I didn't say anything to you which offended you in any way. I was trying to be a friend.

So many people have replied to this thread... deleting the thread now wouldn't be a good idea probably. I got raked over the coals for deleting another thread that people had replied to recently when the originator of the thread had asked me to. Sighh... it's hard to win on the internet yanno?

Post by **WIREMAN** » October 19th, 2007, 2:19 pm

no more chopping please
there are some serious words of
wisdom in this thread and advice that is
sincere and priceless....especially for a wired man
whose been married 3x.....

but

Post by **e_dog** » October 27th, 2007, 4:28 am

What they say bout marryage.

if you didn't learn tha first time, try try again.

Dee vorce is da force.

A la mode. A la moode.

Mood.

e

bluez

Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

Stand back, dirty laundry being aired...

Stand back, dirty laundry being aired...

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