dis abilities

[creativesoul]

the girl with one eye that looks always east was quiet and in a powder blue nike outfit. school seemed sad and lonely today. They gave me the beauty and the littlest boy today. I watch and listen and when they touch or hit or talk smackety smack i warn them. Today one of the girls started talking like my friend from san francisco and the blackfeet rez. that attitude that comes with bitterness and genocide, abuse and neglect, where the streets have road rash with your name and personality all over it, posturing vague poetry of pain and sarcastic puberty. hormones that mis direct that send people over cliffs and bungee jumping and rock climbing. the serotonin and dopamine in the brain start thumpimg pumping cruzin and there is no one around, just a pimple faced teenager looking for some way to avoid all that stuff that they feel. are ashamed to talk about. My friend will go to jail. the girl that got my goat, because she knew where it was tied, well... i told her she was going to "eat crow" if she continued to be inappropiate.
I told my friend that is going to prison leaving her ten year old daughter behind, that if she stopped back then she could turn it all around. All the way to the Sundance arbor she lied and lied and kept doing it. I asked her after the dance, what about this betrayal stuff.. she muttered a junkie slang sentence and zombie walked while still talking AIM and Alcatraz island and this and that. After the dance she was having a smack attack at the sushie bar. I had to walk away. I had to let the adultury and the betrayal and all the wicked ness of her temptation to do what I used to do go away. Instead I went away.The spirit world gave me a buffalo hide.I knew why.
A herd of buffalo later, and moving on down the road, faced with my own dis ability, and trying to help others, I realized just how married I am to that prayer, of helping the children. Once again to give back what was so freely given to me.
This kid, here at the school from foster homes and disabilities and the terror that many children have been given in this lifetime,looks like my friend that is going to prison as a very young girl. No one could see it. I can see it. I have no idea why I told that little gutter mouth girl that she was going to "eat crow", but i know that I will just be a link in the chain of people that want to save her life, prevent disaster. Try to keep her from selling her virtues and young soul to passer bys to surrvive. If she does not get it now, maybe someone else can show her, but I want to cry. i want to go hide and be in a dark room and cry like a baby.Maybe I can light the candle in her heart, long blown out and smoldering with a wax and scent that seems like cheap perfume. she says "Oh nooooo" really loud alot. She tells stories in a dialect that only her homies understand. I feel pity for her.There is a little boy that is a sex offender and they wont let him play basket ball with the other boys. I asked him if "he felt singled out," he said "yeah"
"embarassed?"
"yeah"
i said i know how you feel
I told him "there is not much he can do about the past, but he could do something about now"
he was happy anyone gave a fuck about him. or not a fuck
maybe a little bit of heart, some creativity. I read that ADD people are sometimes more interested in sex because of the adrenline and the rush as well as how it reorganizes the body chemically.That is something that might well be looked at while we are making youth into criminals for having sex with minors. When I was a minor, I always had sex wirth minors, and even some adults. I did not go to jail. I was an art teacher once in a Juvinille hall and a couple of kids were there because they ran away from home to go to a party, or stole a gun from some one s home and thier parents just dropped them off, signed off altogether. I think christains are stupid. A child of God being sent to jail for running away from home?
I am sad at how when children take every drop of energy that they desperately need, parent s get pissed and want thier own life. why did you have a child?My husband s wages are being garnished for four children every month. that is his luck i guess, and mine now too.
dis ability is sometimes about not wanting to see our defects, or not doing anything about them.
I offered to bring paints and we could do art together while organized activities were happening. he said "ok"

[mousey1]

Still loving your stories, creativesoul...still loving your stories.