dollar store

[Terri]

I,
in the dollar store, and
commented
to a shopping woman,
Pretty day, isn't it? You're
looking happy.

She,
Yeah,
my husband--
he's
got
cancer--well,
he's feelin better.
(Leans in)
He's wantin
it again.
(Grins).

I,
Well,
that's great!

Went out
to the car;
told my dad.

We,
laughing, he,
You've got the Shirley gene!
(my mom)
People
are
always
coming up
and
telling
her
the damnedest
things, but
I
think
you've
got her
beat
with
that one.

Is
poem
there
somewhere?

[stilltrucking]

Hi terri
I don't know
I can't talk about it
I think there is a poem there, but that is just a hunch.

A rose is a rose
and a poem is a cookie

He comes up to me and starts talking like we were in the middle of a discussion. As if I knew what he is talking about
"Yep, it was suicide"
"Well if I ever commit suicide it will be with a sailboat"
He gives a quizzical look and I say, "You have never seen me sail"

I always like plath's comment about a "mathematical formula being set artistically on the page like a poem"

It sure looked like a poem terri
Love your writting
keep on keeping on please

[stilltrucking]

It wasn't a cookie it was a

Marcel Proust's madeleine is the cliché cookie

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=pr ... gle+Search

I sure hope somebody gets back to you with a better answer than mine.
I enjoy poetry too much to critique it
don't let me encourage you

[Lightning Rod]

terri

This is a charming story. Why do you want to make it into a forced poem?
I don't like to read vertically. I'm not Chinese.

I'm tempted to do this too...turn my prose into poetry. I think it's insecurity.

[westcoast]

fabulous reportage !!

i appreciate the suggestion(s) here to let prose be prose. how much prose have i tortured into poetry over the years....

looking forward to more expressions from you Terri.

~westcoast

[Doreen Peri]

hehe... "he's wanting it again".... ahh it's a lucky thing to have the shirley gene!

Of course it's a poem! (surely, you jest) .. It's a grand glimpse at a moment... so significant.. so small.. so large... so full of life!

nice!

[judih]

ah, the shirley gene.

[Terri]

Thanks, guys. L Rod, I'm thinking about it. I may try out a different structure. This was sent to a friend as prose, and he then sent it back vertical, and then I changed it some more, and, and--insecure, yeah, maybe, I did let someone mess with my story. The last part, "Is poem there somewhere" was orig. just me thinking aloud to my friend, and then stopped actually being a question per se, there more to direct attention. Thanks, everybody, for your attention on this.

[hester_prynne]

I think it's splendid as is....
I think the shirley gene theme could be a book.
I so liked this!
I want more.
H