Observations before or after the departure.

[HaroHalola]

Doreen - LOLOLOL! YW; Just a bit ago I was toying with some plays/puns, & ironically(?) we've hit upon, near simultaneously: "What's novel about that Novel?, & if It is a novel, Novel then perhaps it ought be readied for Publication before/'round Christmas, released as 'Noel Novel,' a Tale about a 'Winter Working Girl' unique in her adepts, loosely-based on the Life Story of Noel Neill (One of TV's 'Lois Lane's') whom taught Superman (George Reeves aka 'Clark Kent') really how to FLY!" "Hi, I'm H'H./H.e.m.!"

[stilltrucking]

So you edited the first line of the poem:?:
I guess LR had a point after all, aren't all nights dark? Are all winds cold?

Now I remember what the first line reminded me of. The Wizard of Oz, in the begining of the movie when the storm blows the gate off its hinges. For some reason I was thinking about your kitchen remodeling disaster and the troubles of being a home owner. As if on top of all the other things gone wrong now I got to fix the dam gate.


I liked this poem a lot. But for some reason I kept thinking about home improvements.

Wood slats rot in a muddy flood pool.
The door jamb has been knocked away

There is winter debris an eighth of an inch
thick and the paint will soon be chipping away.

Not to make light of it Doreen
I just wondered how much of it was fact, not that it matters.

One of my favorite songs was inspired by some warped lawn furniture.

"I been warped by the rain, driven by the snow"
Willin by lowel George.

Thanks for writing
Like I said I see so much of my own life in the poem
But I don't understand my life either.
Just this gift I was given and in which I look for meaning.

[Doreen Peri]

Yes, I edited the first line of the poem. I removed the word "cold."

Maybe he was trying to make a point that the line could be better. I don't know. Frankly, I thought it was fine, as I said before. I guess because of what he said, I couldn't get that first line off my mind. I have no idea whether removing the word "cold" improved it or not.

I'm very surprised you even noticed.... this was way down the page.

And no, all winds aren't cold! Where did you get that idea? All nights are dark, yes. But all winds are DEFINITELY not cold. I was talking about winter. The coldness in my heart. The death of life and love. Dormancy. But I removed the word cold anyway.

I was hoping the gate line was a metaphor. Do I even own a gate? How does the reader know if I do or if I don't? The whole thing is supposed to be full of metaphors. The wind is a metaphor. The mud is a metaphor. The door is a metaphor. The chipped paint is a metaphor.

Thanks for reading.

[stilltrucking]

I liked it better the way it was, with the cold wind. I just wondered why you edited it.



I noticed because I have been thinking about the image of the gate being blown off the hinges for about a week. I had an image in my mind, a memory of watching a gate being blown off its hinges but I could not remember where the image was from. Then the other day I remembered the scene from the movie. I went back to comment on that.

There are a lot of metaphors about home maintenance. I am not mocking you doreen, just interested in how mundane concerns work themselves into poetry. I am not a poet, just interested.

I liked this poem very much, I have read it quite a few times.
Thanks for taking the time to reply.

ten four on the santa anna winds, that was a dumb question sorry

I have seen some bright moonlit nights too.

[Lightning Rod]

forget everything I said, doreen
my remark about the first line was just a quick impression
I was talking off the top of my head
but it turned into an interesting discussion
we've talked about this subject: When is a cliche effective? When can we turn a cliche into something new and original?

[Doreen Peri]

forget everything I said, doreen

OK.

lol