Bad Hair Day?

[Lightning Rod]

if I could grow a beard, it would be a cumulous cloud
but I have too much Indian blood for that
I'm an apache in rapture
a renegade who needs no razor

in short, my beard is an embarrassment
just a goat with cheeks smooth as a lady
my last can of shaving cream lasted two years
I was fifteen before I could grow hair on my balls
and it was fuzzy

I had three hairs on my chest one time
I think it was a hormonal imbalance
in politics or life, you need good hair
and I'm The Naked Ape

[judih]

i'll stand up
i'll confess
...
my eyebrows are going bald
there, it's been said
...
female pattern eyebrow baldness
if it exists, i'll blush my newest label
...
i didn't know
i swear i didn't tweeze too much
oops....
groucho marx, where are you when i need you?

[mnaz]

I wish I could grow a proper (symmetrical) beard...
The left side flourishes, but the right languishes for some reason...
(and no, that's not a metaphor).