Waiting for Spring

[mnaz]

Everything is a ripened red rose.
Everything is happening as it should,
from her sweet smile to a still shadow,
from the pain of creation unto itself,
and sunlight reflected in its breath.
These days the light passes quickly.
These days I cannot bear,
though it has all been borne before,
before me, a long time ago, it has all been borne,
but never just like this.

Everything I ever thought,
for lack of will or a glut of the same,
passes quickly, the comet bends down,
touches the wide, black horizon in a hurry.
These days the light passes quickly.

[westcoast]

These days I cannot bear,
though it has all been borne before,
before me, a long time ago, it has all been borne,
but never just like this.

i enjoyed your telling of it mnaz
very much


~westie

[sooZen]

I have always enjoyed your writings M and this is no exception...

[mnaz]

Thanks westie, soozen..
I appreciate.

You know, if there's one thing for certain that can be said about this write, it is that I will always remember writing it down. I finally broke down and let the tears go. As if I had a choice. And then I went to visit my mom in the hospital. She was hit with something terrible and will not be with us for much longer. It was all so sudden, so incomprehensible. She is a beautiful, selfless soul and I will miss her greatly. It's hard to keep going, but I have no choice. I know I shouldn't tell anyone these things, and I don't mean to be a burden or bring the place down, but I thought maybe I'd provide a small window into this lingering winter, that's all.

[westcoast]

hey mnaz, friends share these life changes and moments with each other. i'm sorry to hear you are going through hard times. i lost my mom and dad both over the past 10 years and my heart goes out to you.

thank you for sharing such precious feeling with us

~hugs~

~westie

[sooZen]

Mark...you said it, expressed it so well.

We who write and have sites like this for outlets are so fortunate because even the hard times can be swallowed so much easier with the support of like minds. I am so sorry about your Mom for like you said, I too have borne this burden but never in your moccasins and with your sensibilities. My Dad who died after a long and painful illness kept me buoyed with his love and admonitions that he would "see me in the sunrise and the sunset." I see him everyday and although I miss his physical presence, I feel his love unconditionally.

Keep writing out your pain, your longings, your love and know that there are those of us that have your back buddy.

[gypsyjoker]

Thank you for your poem

It helps me

[mtmynd]

"I finally broke down and let the tears go. As if I had a choice."

Of course there was no choice... but it had to be done. Crying is a purification of the soul, cleansing the bits and pieces that prevent the clarity. It's necessary... your body knows that and responded.

"She was hit with something terrible and will not be with us for much longer. It was all so sudden, so incomprehensible."

I am so sorry you have to live that. We can never know, much less understand, the why of something like this, especially the suddenness. As you said, it is so incomprehensible. But given time and effort, the appropriate answer will be revealed to you. You will know and with that will come acceptance.

"It's hard to keep going, but I have no choice."

Life always goes on. That is what it does. We are all part of it. But you know that. It's so real now that it's startling. You know your mom wants you to go on... live.

"I know I shouldn't tell anyone these things..."

Sure you should. What better place to say those things that among a group of like-minded folks? You can't tell some stranger in a bar. This is a good place... so many of us have been around for years now. Look at you and I, Mark... we've gotten drunk together. I'm glad you're telling us these things.. your expressions are not taken lightly. You're doing a great job.

Soo and I are here... please talk to us when you need or want to.

C

[mnaz]

Thanks westie, Soozen, Jack & Cecil. I am enriched by knowing all of the people I've met here at S-8 and LK, whether in person or not. I'm fortunate to have had that experience, going forward. It's funny how we all sit on "the other side of the earth" from each other, yet converse almost as if across a table from each other. Amazing, really. One thing that compounds the hurt right now is that my mom can't communicate with us, to let us know her hopes and thoughts. And she's always been so good with words and language. I still had things to talk about with her. It's strange, just last month, maybe two days before this all happened, I had something like a premonition-- well, no, I guess more like a realization that right now was when I really needed to spend more time with my parents because their time is drawing near. I hadn't taken full advantage of that since I came back to my home town. Now I wish the realization had come sooner. Anyway, I appreciate everyone's supportive words, both here and in other correspondence. And thanks for listening. Means a lot.

[Arcadia]

mark... sure you both are still in communication... however

My mother died in 1999 and we were just realizing how to communicate with each other only some years ago... . She told me before dying that she loved me, that she will be busy with other things and that she will take care of all the family. And I believed/believe her!!!!!!!!

keep in touch with all of us and -the most important thing-with you!!!!

un beso

[Arcadia]

great poem!!!!!!

[judih]

gorgeous poem, simple elegant deluge of thought and emotion

mark, how lucky to be in the same town with your mother at this time. words may not be in dialogue, but aura feels all.
Allow us to feel with you - share this terrifying, soul-wrenching time. Cry brother and we'll be here to offer what we can.
And please, tell your mother that we're (i know it's a 'we') sending her our most heartfelt wishes for strength and courage as i'm now sending to you. Grab the vibes, use them voraciously.

[Doreen Peri]

Mark ...

As you and your family manage to weather the winter storm, i send my friendship, love and comforting thoughts to you.... This is the hardest thing you will go through. I know that because I experienced it with my Dad. I'm so sorry. ((((hugs)))) .. please keep expressing yourself .... we are your friends.

[WIREMAN]

these days
a wink and a hug
it's all over
from the before side
to the otherside
there is always
a spring
i'm with you
mnaz.....peace

[sooZen]

One thing that compounds the hurt right now is that my mom can't communicate with us, to let us know her hopes and thoughts. And she's always been so good with words and language. I still had things to talk about with her.

Mark, it doesn't surprise me that you were raised by a woman that was 'good with words and language'. And if you still have things to say to her, I hope you say them for even when my Dad was comatose, I keep talking to him and in a very rare moment, he would rouse and reply so I know he heard me...she will hear you...she knows your intent and she certainly is leaving you with her gift of words and expression. You write so beautifully my friend! Your pictures and words always inspire me, I know. A thank-you to your Mom for such a gifted boy! Spring will come, it always does but in this dark time, you have friends to warm you and shine a light.