Confessions of a Cereal Killer

[Lightning Rod]

Confessions of a Cereal Killer

I started off small
Trix are for kids
I killed my first box
sitting in front of Saturday
Morning TV

In my teen years
I knocked off the usual
Cheerios and Wheaties
fuck cornflakes,
they don't put up a fight

bran is soggy but expeditious
in my adolescence I discovered
Cream of Wheat and Jergen's Lotion
while I looked at Mary Lou Retton
on the Wheaties box

Then I discovered Special K
and Total
my testosterone levels went up
and I began burying empty boxes
like a bulimic maniac

In my twenties, I moved to the kinky brands
you know, Count Chocula
Captain Crunch
and the ones with
little dried fruits
I was the terror of the grocery store

I'll be on the Wheaties box one day
Champion Cereal Killer
now I have boxes of it in my basement
and dismembered shredded wheat
in my freezer

[constantine]

yellow moons - pink hearts. get hip lrod.

[Doreen Peri]

Funny.... witty... clever poem

Except this part

Ewwww.... i mean.... ewwww

lol

geez

in my adolescence I discovered
Cream of Wheat and Jergen's Lotion
while I looked at Mary Lou Retton
on the Wheaties box

Seriously, I suggest losing that stanza entirely or at least losing the Jergen's lotion. It's the mixing it together with Cream of Wheat that makes it even more gross.

[Doreen Peri]

Come to think of it, it would be just as gross with only the Cream of Wheat.

[constantine]

retton never did it for me. olga korbut - now that's more like it.

[mtmynd]

how many boxes a week are you doing?

have you given any thought to CKA, cereal killers anonymous?

[Lightning Rod]

doreen, I'm not even going to mention Noxema

dino, I spent last weekend watching the girl's gymNASTYics trials. I never really was too fond of MaryLou either. I thought her smile was phoney. I had a hopeless crush on Ekatarina Zsabe (1984 Olymics) though.

[westcoast]

CK Anonymous:

... the first step is to give up the spoon

~westie

[Lightning Rod]

westie,

I couldn't sell my spoon on eBay because it was too burnt on the bottom

so I guess I'm stuck with it

that's why my brain is like a rice crispie

snap, crackle, pop

[saw]

what a riot...big imagination points and you can dance to it,
I'll give a Special K and nine boxes of FrankenBerry.....well done

[hester_prynne]

Another LRod poem to lurve.....
just fabulous...
H