The Ransom of Red Chief

[Lightning Rod]

The Ransom of Red Chief

ok, steal my identity, go ahead
you can take credit for the books I have written that don't sell
my failed marriages and my embarrassments
you can have my outstanding traffic tickets and my criminal history
you can have the warrants for my arrest
you can have my bad credit
and my failures
go ahead and steal my identity
I want you to

[Doreen Peri]

when they steal your paycheck
and your guest list
then you have a reason to worry

fuck 'em

[Lightning Rod]

they can have it all
(except my people)
I wish I had some debt that they could steal too

[Doreen Peri]

i wish you did too

[Doreen Peri]

if that's what you want, of course

[Lightning Rod]

not sure I understand the mixed messages

how did the birthday party go?

[mnaz]

I like it. Steal whatever may be left to steal.

As a multiple theft victim I say, why not?
And I use the term "victim" advisedly.

[Doreen Peri]

not sure I understand the mixed messages

how did the birthday party go?

I didn't mean to be sending mixed messages.

The guest list was stolen by the queen of theft.

The party was hijacked.

She really is pitifully socially inept and power hungry.

Oh well.

Less glasses to wash this morning.

[Lightning Rod]

yeah, I'd say she's a pretty good pickpocket
she stole your insurance and tax return in order to pay you a partial check
slick maneuver

but stealing your party---that's a cardinal sin!

the only glasses I had to clean this morning were the ones that sit on my nose.

[Doreen Peri]

I never thought of it that way. You're absolutely right. Slick maneuver indeed. I can't even describe the smug, calculating, and almost evil smirk on her face when I attended the party she stole and I said, "I can't stay much longer. I'm not feeling well." She knew exactly why I wasn't feeling well. She'd made me sick.

I'll write about it eventually. I told my sister about it and she said I should write it up as a comedy and send it into the show "The Office" because it would fit perfectly. I've never seen the show myself. You?

Sorry to hijack your poem thread. I've been doing a lot of that lately, it seems. Shame on me.

Then again, it sorta fits... all this theft talk... with "The Ransom of Red Chief," no?

[Lightning Rod]

pshaww, don't apologize
this is totally on topic

yeah, the reason I called this piece The Ransom of Red Chief
is because the point of it was
sometimes you steal (or kidnap) something that you don't want
O. Henry did a better job than me at illustrating this

I'm sure that LOC would be a great model for a character. Write it.

[westcoast]

sometimes you steal (or kidnap) something that you don't want

this is novel to me.... i have to think about if i've ever done this. certainly, i can think of others over the years who have -- out of covetousness. pity.

well done, Mr. Lrod.

~westie

[Lightning Rod]

O. Henry wrote The Ransom of Red Chief
I stole the title from him (I call it an homage, but that's just a fancy word for stealing)

Read the story sometime. It's very funny.

(Cliff notes: It's a story about a couple of criminals who kidnap a red-headed kid. They are holding him for ransom. But the kid is such a terror and a brat that by the end of the story they wanna pay the parents to take him back.)