bits and pieces

[silent woman]

My Random Quote For Today



<center>"Understand your masculine side,
Protect your female side
Be the world's valley."</center>
<center>
http://www.thetao.info/english/quote30.htm
</center>





Silent Woman
Found her Bitter Fame
Mourning and Melancholia
I can feel her disease


Image Source
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Thinking about the Sylvia Plath effect again, I suppose it takes my mind off my own compulsions for a while, oblivion through writing.
, If only Freud had been right. When he said the artist can escape this fate…

"This picture of a delusion of inferiority is completed, ... by
-What is psychologically very remarkable-by an overcoming of the instinct which
Compels every living thing to cling to life"

I can not help wondering if the effect is not due to a contagious neuroses spread by the psychiatrists of the fifties, even the female doctors how much did they buy into the bad translations of Freud's musings. I have been compulsively reading her unabridged diaries like I am going to find a clue.

Mourning and Melancholia the only Freudian reference so far. I wish I could get my eyes on it.


I was 13 years old that sultry August day they executed the Rosenberg’s; I was stupid about executions too. The first time I read the first line in The Bell Jar I was hooked. I had found my muse. This shiksa that was stupid about executions.
I know shiksa is a racist word but I was a racist in 1953. I did not think any white anglo saxon would care what happened to a couple of Jews.


Today 4:AM 09/06/00
"Silent Woman" was on PBS this morning. I could not tear myself away, watched the whole show and was late for work. When they asked me why I was late I just told them I was watching TV. I had an epiphany today.
Whose face?

Ref

"People who knew Sylvia Plath are divided in their response to her intense, volatile character, but.... Others recall a complex, completely self-absorbed stubbornly ambitious American whose outer shell of bright capability contained a seething core of inexplicable fury."Bitter Fame Anne Stevenson

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"Anne Stevenson and Sylvia Plath and I came of age in the period when the need to keep up the pretense was strong: no one was prepared to ...face the post-Hiroshima and post-Auschwitz world. At the end of her life, Plath looked, with unnerving steadiness, at the Gorgons; She was able-she had been elected-to confront what most of the rest us fearfully shrank from. “For goodness sake, stop being so frightened of everything, Mother! "She wrote to Aurelia Plath in October 1962. "Almost every other word in your letter is 'frightened. In the same letter she said:It's too bad my poems frighten you."Silent Woman Janet Malcolm

************************************************

"Freud says the need to be an artist comes from early childhood and a sense of loss that enables the artist to see things differently. This vision rules his life. Not entirely neurotic, not entirely normal, the artist is endowed with a creative personality and a ruthless passion that allows him to separate his own grief feelings of melancholia from his grief feelings of mourning (death/rebirth or creativity cycle…. Beset by melancholia, his ruthless passion for his inner life during his session (days, weeks, months) of producing an artwork separates him from his neurosis. Grief is interpreted as mourning, not depression. Mourning, a positive process in life, leads the sufferer to change and growth, to a kind of rebirth, to a condition previously unknown."
Link to the Joyce paper

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Perhaps herein lies the reason that many of us still obsess over Sylvia Plath: her art provides us with a compelling historical record of the effects of the 1950s ideology on the female spirit.
http://www.americanpopularculture.com/a ... /plath.htm

"Yes I hate him said Hester"

"For giving her the calm semblance of happiness"
And not knowing the utmost passion of her heart
And tinker jack and the tidy wives seems to parallel that
How many times have I done a cut up of the Hawthorne novel and the Plath poem?

Guess I will have to search for it and paste it here.

[silent woman]

I live my life in the miraculous mundane moments of my life
singing do you believe in rock and roLL. I am down to three computers here and trying not to panic. My main machine just went up in a puff of smoke. Nasty smell, burned electricty. I don't think it is a good idea to turn your UPS on with your computer plugged into it, even if the power switch on the computer is off.

All men shall be sailors


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juxtapositions

two women

Red Emma and Golda
Emma always my hero not Golda

two good buddies
one who was my boss when I worked at a truck stop in virginia
to be who you are and have the dignity of integrity
easier to do in NYC than than in rural Virginia.

He was the sanest boss I ever had, every one called him "the little gay guy"

A valuable man who I respected.

then there was this other guy who was big into hugging other guys. He was my boss for a while too. Creeped me out, nothing to do with him being an american n*zi. I get along pretty well with them, I got by with my sense of humor. But this little gay guy was a thief, steel your face right off your head.

[stilltrucking]

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In 1905, the American Jewish banker Jacob Schiff helped Japan win its war with Russia
by arranging enormous loans to that country. (He was instrumental in founding the American
Jewish Committee in the following year, motivated by the pogroms against Russian Jews.)
While helping create a positive impression of Jews, these loans also contributed to negative
Jewish stereotypes in Japan. As scholar Tetsu Kohno has written, "Schiff acted as a Jew, and
Schiff loans were connected with the Jewish financial ability to manipulate world events. This
equation of Jews with capital runs as an undercurrent through all the debates on the Jewish
question in Japan."1


Japanese Attitudes towards the Jews
http://www.ajcarchives.org/AJC_DATA/Files/889.PDF

"Where the Mountain Jews came from is a source of much scholarly speculation. Many of these Jews, who sometimes call themselves Tats, insist that they are descendants of Israel's Lost Tribes who began their wanderings after the destruction of Jerusalem's first temple in 722 B.C. Others say the Tats migrated north from Persia a mere 300 years ago, at the invitation of a local khan, or chieftain and were cut off from their cousins in Iran as the borders of empires shifted. An altogether different theory suggests that the Tats are what remains of the mighty Khazar nation, an indigenous Caucasian people who converted en masse to Judaism in the eighth century, in a vain attempt to fend off Christian Russians and Islamic Arabs. In appearance, the Tats are indistinguishable from their Azeri neighbors, who are themselves a mix of Turkish, Persian, Arab and Caucasian stock." - "The Mountain Jews of Guba" by Inga Saffron, in The Philadelphia Inquirer (July 21, 1997), page 1.
http://www.khazaria.com/mountainjews.html

I could do the etymology of the word church but what is the point? What is more interesting to me is who are the Jews? Some people argue that the Jews of today are not the biblical jews. Some people argue that the holocaust never happened.

As far as I am concerned Paul was on the road to hell when he was on the the Way to Damascus

What I wonder is why the shul my grandfather went to back in Jew Town in Baltimore looked so much like a Greek temple.
image source

I got my own personal Jesus, he could be a jew or maybe not. I think he is chocolate myself. Thinking about the headless chicken.

Thinking about silent woman’s search for the ultimate orgasm and my exquisite pain and pleasure.

Jesus is just all right with me. He got me to sleep when I was at the end of my rope. Desperate for oblivion.



I got my theology from tin pan alley.

[the mingo]

A candle & a match. Could Sylvia Plath make a good scratch cake? Leaping lizards, Jack, ya got Jesus Christ & Tom Waits in the same post. How did you do that? And then ya piled Judy Collins on to top it all off! If Dick Cheney could mistake a hunting companion for some kind of bird think of what Mrs. Palin could mistake you for. Another thing, how come no one hardly ever refers to her as Mrs. Palin? It's always Sarah Palin. Spooky. Ya ever seen a picture of her husband? He's always there. Guys like him need to be dragged off to Disneyland and chained there like a marriage vow. Forever. See that seagull in the photo up there? It's a fascist seagull. I can tell. Last photo I saw of Mrs. Palin she was wearing calf length high heel boots. Probably mooseskin, but I couldn't tell that for sure from the photo. Her picture & references to her are everywhere. I don't like it. Gives me a case of the heebiejeebies. I think Alaska should be given back to the original owners, and them provided with nuclear weapons and launch facilities. What do you think Canada would do? Ha.

[Diana Moon Glampers]

When I was a child I heard someone say that we all got to eat a a peck of dirt before we die.

Oh Sarah
you have such lovely knees
I could be your first douche.

[jimboloco]

"People who knew Sylvia Plath are divided in their response to her intense, volatile character, but.... Others recall a complex, completely self-absorbed stubbornly ambitious American whose outer shell of bright capability contained a seething core of inexplicable fury."Bitter Fame Anne Stevenson

• wow
  i am that way
  indeed
  so whatamigonnado?
  smokeanotherjoint

• 

• soothe th agonies of th past
  endured in bewilderment
  notknowing a way outside
  but now i know
  my inner demons are quite well
  with me in my cave
  like
  milaropa
  but i got hope
  and a vision
  burning
  like,
  i love you man,
  unabashadly
  a spirit trucking
  even when you're in drag
  still at th laughing place
  cause you are th way out
  man
  no doubt
  us together
  melancholia looks up
  th winggs unfold
  halleluJa
  olay!

[jimboloco]

alaksa be a nuke free zone mingo mon
no sea gull was ever a nazi
mrs palin ain't no mrs clinton
but bill'd look good with a goateee
she an that rice lady
both be wearing them high heeled boots
like
it's all a big cabaret

i predict she will return to alaksa
be a one term lame duck wonder
helping th republican party's demise
then
start writing schlossy paperbacks
and have a radio show
an ms rice
will carry off with some mad russian entrepreneur

[diesel dyke]

"Even in your Zen heaven we shan't meet."Sarah Palin poem.

Well I got the intials right at least.

The audience at her rallies runs about seventy percent men, thirty percent women.

[the mingo]

That's me, a two thirds & a bit man. 70% man 30% bullshit. Or maybe the other way 'round. Line of work I'm in it don't matter.

[the mingo]

No nukes in Alaska, Jim? That don't hardly sound American to me. Guess the Alaskans are on their own the button ever gets pushed. Speakin' of buttons see if ya can get Jack a photo of Mrs. Palin's knees, would you? He'd really appreciate it I think.

[stilltrucking]

More bits and pieces from ten years ago when I was living in Virginia and I met that nurse that adored me, but I did not like the shape of her ass so I never showed up for our date. I am going to hell. I deserve it. I deserve to be who I am. An old fucking fool.


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For 25 years and 2,000,000+ miles I wandered the interstates as a lost soul .. trying to escape from the experience l call My 3 Scarlet Letters Now I have found a refuge in this beautiful valley. I hope this page will be a work in progress as I learn how to drive on this virtual highway . From my crib I can still see the trucks and hear the highway sounds, "And a penny for my thoughts would not tax my mind at all"

I used to think I was going to be St. Jack and cash in on all the crap I been through and turn it all into the great American trash novel. the first to be written in spontaneous html Now I think I would rather drive a truck.
_____________________________

At the tender age of 33, after my encounter with spider love I ran away to join the circus and wound up driving the elephant truck, became a diesel addict and the road owned me for 25 years.
Well it is Monday night and I have fiddled with this long enough for one day. I am going to put it up again no matter how dumb or what mistakes I missed.

(...he was held fast to the book by the strength of his belief that "When this book is finished, which is going to be the sum and substance and crap of everything I've been through throughout this whole god dam life, I shall be redeemed.")

Anne Charters, Kerouac biography.

__________________________________________

Meanwhile I am looking through my disks looking for a Copy of PhotoShop 6 and I am finding bits and pieces from when I was living in a travel trailer parked in a RV park behind a truck stop. My first home away from the road.

more bits and pieces from long ago

"Inheriting from the Protestant tradition a conscience which insisted that intellectual work should be directed toward the relief of man's estate, I like so m any of my generation, lived through the superannuating of the political categories....Those of us who are temperamentally incapable of embracing the politics of sin , cynicism, and despair...." Life Against Death"

Having spent twelve years in college and never earning a degree, what else I can do with it except try to make some use of it here.
At this late date in my life's journey through this best of all spatio-temporal objective fact worlds about us, I realize that I am not going to write the great American trash novel, but the idea of hyper- text strangely fascinates me with the possibility that even a undisciplined slob might succeed in tying together the hundreds of pages of compulsive scribbling I have accumulated during the last couple of million miles. Basically it is a story of Eros and Thanatos. If I am able I would like to be one of those books that I could take to a library I read about in a Richard Brautigan "Novel" Unfortunately the book that comes to mind more vividly is The End of the Road--- John Barth(1958)

It is late and I want to do something here before I lose it. It is bad form to put such a mess up but then if I had done my homework I could tell you about the voice I heard the night of spider love, I thought it sounded avuncular with a Viennese or Yiddish accent, speaking to me from the glare of that naked light bulb,, I suppose I will have to reread Uncle Siggie"s "Beyond The Pleasure Principle"
at this point I am going to have to put link to Catholic Guilt, is it pornography? no doubt I suppose one would have to be a lawyer for sure, don't know how I stumbled across that page. Makes me think of that day in 1972 1973 my God I mind is so burned I can't even remember the year, but I know she remembers that day, probably to the minute."

I think i am still crazy from that time, but Husserl has helped me deal with it. I have been reading this book for almost 20 years, I suppose it is another thing I will never finish in my life time also never finish my Great American Hyper-Trash Novel

_________________________________

At the time I wrote that I still believed I would find my answers in books. After thirty years of carrying around Husserl's The Phenomenology of Internal Time Consciousness I gave up on that fantasy.

[gypsyjoker]

more bits and pieces This one from December 26, 1999

Still Trucking Home Page
mailto:stilltrucking@mallmarts.com
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This was a assignment, for a writing class at vu.org
As I remember I did not follow instructions for the assignment. I was supposed to write about myself as if I was of the opposite gender. I tried to imagine myself going into that clinic for an abortion. The full weight of what I was co-responsible for did not come down until that day on Cape Cod when I first read The Jesus Papers.

Its funny what goes through one's mind at traumatic moments in life. The most mundane stuff, TV shows, dialogue from trash novels. I was thinking about a Novel, The End Of The Road, What would I say if he asked me who I am?

In a sense, I am Jacob Horner. —John Barth,

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Who am I?
My self knowledge is like St. Augustine's knowledge of time.
I know who I am until someone asks me.
I am a two-fold continuous multiplicity in your field of visual sensation.. I am these photons bouncing off this screen onto your retina. I am the square root of negative one. I am a stranger to myself.. I am something that exists for a time in this best of all spatio-temporal worlds, and then will not exist. I am a compulsive scribbler. I am a language freak.

I am still trucking. I am trying to learn how to drive on this virtual highway. I am smiling Jacky, a knight of the highway, and a sailor on a concrete sea. I am a guy in a story about adultery, acid, and abortion and I am running away from home to join the circus. I have found true love, and fled from it . I am a virgin. I am crazy. I am a truck.

I am ridiculous, and this is a farce. Every thing happens twice once as tragedy and again as farce. I am trying to write 250 words here without embarrassing myself to death. I am not sure what kind of writing course I have signed up for here. Am I being too arty farty . Is this the wrong place to do spontaneous prose. St Jack would probably be doing spontaneous HTML by now


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Today
Comments Hyper Trash Novel Phenomenology of Homelessness
3 Scarlet Letters

[the mingo]

This has been a real treat, Jack.

[the mingo]

[stilltrucking]

I appreciate you taking the time to read it. I been going through some stuff on some old hard drives hoping maybe I can tie it together into something more than the sum of its parts. I got about four gigabytes of slippery silicon documents. I also have a box of mangled paper, old truck stop cafe napkins, motel stationary, letters written but never sent and other bits and pieces. I have been scribbling since the early seventies. I really need to take a basic English course. Lately I have going here:
http://www.studioeight.tv/phpbb/viewtop ... =free+rice

In addition to the vocabulary quizzes in different languages they also have an English grammar quiz. I try to do at least a thousand grains of rice a day. For what it is worth.