noT an angel. oR a doll

[SmileGRL]

she send me to boarding school she send me to church
she fed me smiLey faces plucked from uNder her shoes
she said if i could pRetty pLease be a good girl

then he painted me scaRLet with his fingers

sHe said if i could pretty please be a good girl

so i was but i always dreamt of loVers in the backseats of fLying cars
& peace held like stOnes in my palms

paint me a whore with a porcelain smiLe
glue me a maSk
or sunglasses covering my resTless eyes

no. i neveR was an angel
and i couldn't be thiS…tHis porcelain doll
who couldn't speaK or eat or curse

so i did things…things good girls no nEver would do. things i aLmost couldn't say out loud. i started to curse. i stopped going to church. i tattooed things with wings on my skin so i wouldn't ever agaiN get confused. i took lovers. i took them deeP into my freckled souL as if finding hoMe. then i watched them fLy away like moths leaviNg my flame

life is a journey. you chooSe

& like a butterfLy in a glass bottle
i did what gooD girls do. i stayed
i stayed
i stayed
alive
sane
married
i capture mySelf (i set me fRee)

i cHoose

sometimes i think i'm bEautiful. & sometimes i think i'm loSt
& sometimes i find peace like a smooth pebble inSide my palm
but always aLways, i am mE

and there is so much moRe to say than i am nOt an angel.
oR a doll…

[Perdida]

OMG, you're not an angel, or a doll? then you must be AweSome!
this floored me Mj.....

this......

tattooed things with wings on my skin so i wouldn't ever agaiN get confused. i took lovers. i took them deeP into my freckled souL as if finding hoMe. then i watched them fLy away like moths leaviNg my flame

and this.....

sometimes i think i'm bEautiful. & sometimes i think i'm loSt
& sometimes i find peace like a smooth pebble inSide my palm
but always aLways, i am mE

and this....

hen he painted me scaRLet with his fingers

Damn! (am i allowed to say that here?) I love how you write, it's raw, it's like laying your cards out on the table for everyone to... see, know, feel....and i'm feelin ya Mj.

you knocked me off of my feet with this, well chair smile.

p.s. i wanna write like you!

hugs you

m

[judih]

oh, this needs performing.
any chance of recording this, smileGRL?

[mtmynd]

((whew. i almost forgot to breath... catch my breath before it leaves me... please...))

[hester_prynne]

A veritable masterpiece here uh er, missespiece? At any rate it's fucking really really good, inspired, beautifully written.
Ovations my dear
and many bravos
H

[goldenmyst]

MJ, I first read this on your blog; then here. Your poetry has reached a new, even higher level with this. I loved the metaphor of holding peace like a stone in your palm. You capture the angst and pain of growing up with resplendent visions of losing innocence. You've certainly out done yourself with this my friend. This is pure magic.

John

[Arcadia]

so beautiful poem smilegrl!!!!!!! let´s celebrate!!!

[saw]

electric honesty and imagery....I can relate to the position the speaker is in, trying to be all things to all people and coming to terms with the impossibility of that endeavor....but in the end satisfied that she was true to herself despite the detours.....nice work, smile.......

[SmileGRL]

maree...thaNk yOu!!! you bless me. laying my cards on the table...yes. of course it is my therapy and maybe i give something back to someone else by sharing it. ...hey! that's funny, coz, i wanna write LIKE YOU!

judih...maybe... thanks miss J

cec... wow...big compliment

& then some...hester...thank you. so much

john...you paint me in stars...thank you my friend

arcadia...celebrating sounds perfect! thanks!!!

saw...thanks for the "electric"...& yes, trying to be everything to everyone and the impossibility of it all...

thanks y'all