Mi corazón: tú eres tiburón

Post your poetry, any style.
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joel
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Mi corazón: tú eres tiburón

Post by joel » October 21st, 2007, 4:28 pm

Mi corazón: tú eres tiburón
y me miras perfectamente—tú
eres un depredador. A través
de las corrientes, yo le seguí
y todo el rato tú me buscó,
un juego de tu depredación.
Lo siento; no puedo amarte más
sino que no puedo amar con las
dificultades de tu pasión.
Pero déjeme ser tus aguas. Yo
amaría atravesar aquí
por tus papadas, aquí, a través
tu cuerpo por la vida pura. ¡Tú
no sea tiburón, mi corazón!
Last edited by joel on October 21st, 2007, 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Every genuinely religious person is a heretic, and therefore a revolutionary" -- GBShaw

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Lightning Rod
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Post by Lightning Rod » October 21st, 2007, 5:09 pm

does Spielberg have the rights to this yet?
we can call it Jaws or something like that

carnivorous writing, joel

el oh, el tiburón tiene dientes bonitos,
bebé y él los guarda blanco nacarado
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

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Doreen Peri
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Post by Doreen Peri » October 21st, 2007, 5:28 pm

Lightning Rod wrote:does Spielberg have the rights to this yet?
we can call it Jaws or something like that

carnivorous writing, joel

el oh, el tiburón tiene dientes bonitos,
bebé y él los guarda blanco nacarado
Since when did you start speaking and understanding spanish, Lightning Rod?

I don't understand a word of it, myself. How do you know it's good writing? (except for the fact that you would expect no less of joel? ;))

Oh... come to think of it, I'm not sure what you mean by "carnivorous" writing. Why is it carnivorous? Is it biting? Does it eat yer meat?

Seriously, joel? Could you provide a translation, please?

And Lightning Rod, could you fill me in on how to learn to speak, read and write spanish overnight? :)

thanks
lol

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Lightning Rod
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Post by Lightning Rod » October 21st, 2007, 5:47 pm

doreen peri wrote:
Lightning Rod wrote:does Spielberg have the rights to this yet?
we can call it Jaws or something like that

carnivorous writing, joel

el oh, el tiburón tiene dientes bonitos,
bebé y él los guarda blanco nacarado
Since when did you start speaking and understanding spanish, Lightning Rod?

I don't understand a word of it, myself. How do you know it's good writing? (except for the fact that you would expect no less of joel? ;))

Oh... come to think of it, I'm not sure what you mean by "carnivorous" writing. Why is it carnivorous? Is it biting? Does it eat yer meat?

Seriously, joel? Could you provide a translation, please?

And Lightning Rod, could you fill me in on how to learn to speak, read and write spanish overnight? :)

thanks
lol
well, first I read the poem in Spanish
I knew many of the words but I was just reading for sound
Spanish is a very musical language
and I understand it better than I speak it
(it's a little trick I used on Mexican bus boys in Texas)

Then I went to Babelfish and translated the first two lines of Mack the Knife

This is not advanced linguistics.
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

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Doreen Peri
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Post by Doreen Peri » October 21st, 2007, 6:02 pm

From Babelfish

In English:
My heart: you are shark and you watch to me perfectly -- you are a predator. Through the currents, I followed to him and all the short while you looked for to me, a game of your depredation. I feel it; I cannot love to him more but than I cannot love with the difficulties of your passion. But déjeme to be your waters. I would love crossing here by your papadas, here, to traverse your body by the pure life. You it is not shark, my heart!

I'm sure this is very inaccurate. And babelfish obviously can't translate some of the words.

But Lightning Rod, the gist I get from it is that it's a metaphor, my dear. It's not really about a shark.

;)

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Lightning Rod
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Post by Lightning Rod » October 21st, 2007, 6:08 pm

the only person that can straighten us out now is Arcadia
(Pablo Neruda is unavailable)

HELP!!
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

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joel
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Location: Hampton Roads, Virginia

Post by joel » October 21st, 2007, 7:47 pm

I'm bad about forgetting translations...sorry...but I think it would be more fun to let Lrod at it...or you, Doreen--just make it up from what you think. :)

Kinda how I approach it might be:

My heart: you're a shark
and you watch me perfectly—you
are a predator. Through
the currents, I followed you
and all the time you hunted me,
a game of your predation.
I'm sorry; I can't love you more
but I can't love with the
difficulties of your passion.
But let me be your water. I
would love to pass through here
through your gills, here, traversing
your body through pure life. Don't
you be a shark, my heart!
"Every genuinely religious person is a heretic, and therefore a revolutionary" -- GBShaw

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Arcadia
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Post by Arcadia » October 21st, 2007, 8:45 pm

Corazón: sos un tiburón
y me mirás perfectamente.
(sos un predador)
A través de las corrientes
te seguí
y todo el tiempo
fuiste vos
el que me perseguía,
juego de tu predación.
Perdón, no puedo amarte más
no puedo amarte
con las dificultades de tu pasión.
Pero dejame ser tus aguas,
me gustaría pasar por acá
a través de tus papadas
acá, a través de tu cuerpo
hacia la vida pura.
No seas tiburón, corazón.

well, here´s a minimalist-bit-cold-rosarine version (with elision of subject , not posesive in heart and different pausas) :wink:

joel: the word papadas made me laugh! funny-tender poem!!! :) I feel it connected somehow with panta´s today´s banner.

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Lightning Rod
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Post by Lightning Rod » October 21st, 2007, 9:31 pm

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This is not about a shark either
but it is one of the strong images in the piece
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

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