Amanda

[Doreen Peri]

tuesday, october 14th, 4:15PM

him - OK. So, how did it go this week?

her - Fine. It went fine.

him - Just fine? I'm sure you have something you'd like to discuss about your week.

her - Nope. It went fine. It was OK.

him - What about your husband? How are you dealing with that?

her - I don't want to talk about my husband. He's the one who did this to me. I can't believe I ended up here. I still can't believe it. Every night, the loud clanging of metal. Every day, the walls. I don't belong here.

him - Everybody says they don't belong here. You have to pay for what you did. You belong here.

her- No, I don't.

him- Listen, Amanda, you're here so you must accept it. You must admit that talking to me is helping, isn't it? You're doing much better than when I saw you the first time.

her - How would you know? You didn't believe a word I said the first time I was here and you don't believe me now. I can feel it.

him - Why would you say that? Why do you think I don't believe you?

her - Because I can see it in your eyes. It's all about what they pay you. That's all. It's your job. I don't want to do this.

him - Now, now. That's a little harsh, isn't it? I wouldn't be sitting in this chair unless I wanted to help. You think the only reason I'm here is for the money. I tell you that I want to help and yet you don't believe me.

her - Now, you're being judgemental. You're judging my perception.

him - OK. Good. Now we're getting somewhere. That's one of the reasons why you're here. You have perceived things which simply aren't true. That's why you're here.

her - No. I was there! I know what I went through! I feel what I feel. It's all real and true. I know what's real. It's my husband who was the liar.

him - OK. Fine. What did he lie about?

her - You know damn well what he lied about! I even had evidence, as I told you, but he destroyed it. That's why I couldn't present it in court. That's why they didn't believe me. And you don't believe me, either. You didn't believe me from the beginning.

him - Look. Let's discuss this calmly. You could have had twelve people listen to your story and arrive at a finding. But you knew they would believe the same thing I believe. There were five gunshot wounds to his head and chest. We all know how they got there, Amanda. So, let's start discussing that. Calmly, please. You tend to get overly emotional and excited about nothing. This conversation is a perfect example of that. We're talking about the reality of the situation. My job is to help you. Let me help you.

her - What? Excited about nothing? This is NOT about nothing! This is about something very important. I have a good imagination but not good enough to have made all this up!

him - What did you make up, Amanda? Tell me.

her - I didn't make ANYTHING up! That's my point! He threatened to kill me. I lived through fifteen years of this. I don't know what I'm doing here to begin with. I don't believe in this hoodoo. You've got me taking those damn lala pills every morning and evening and now I can't sleep well, not that I could sleep well before when I had to lie next to the asshole. I don't need you! I need an attorney! I need an appeal!

him - Why do you say that? There was nobody else in the house but the two of you. Your prints were all over the gun. Any jury would have found you guilty. This is why your attorney suggested you cop a plea. You had no choice.

her - NO! I only copped a plea because my attorney told me a jury trial would probably result in a life sentence. He said nobody would believe it was self defense.

him -OK. OK. Calm down. I know and you know that he didn't threaten to kill you.

her - Yes he did! Damn! For years! Repeatedly. Do you know how many times I ended up in the hospital or at the doctor's office? Why don't you believe me? I'm wasting my time. You're no doctor, you're a fucking asshole, just like he was. Why won't you listen to me?

him - Just don't waste my time, Amanda. Let's get the most out of this. You need me to help you. You will only be here for 7 years. We need to get started so we can make the most of your time. But we're going to get nowhere if you fight with me. You can't talk calmly or see things clearly because you continue to make things up in your mind. Could I get you a glass of water?

her - NO! I don't want water. I want to go home but I don't have one. I need to get out of here.

him - OK. I understand. Breathe, OK? Let's take a few minutes of silence to think about where we are and where we want to go.

her - I don't NEED silence! I need to be heard! AND I know where I want to go. I want to go home and I don't have one and they won't let me go.

him - OK. Slow down. Let's back up a minute. Let's get back to the lies. Why did you lie about all of that?

her - I didn't lie about anything! I don't lie. I don't want to be here.

him - Yes you did, Amanda. You know and I know you did. Let's start from the story and try to get to the bottom of your need to tell these lies.

her - No! I don't want to talk about it.

him - You have to talk about it if you want to get better.

her - NO! I DON"T have to talk about it! Living it was enough! It WASN'T a lie! How DARE you?

him - Amanda, I think we need to have these sessions more often than once a week. Let's plan on meeting two times a week starting next week, OK?"

her - NO! I don't want to come here once a week, let alone two! You've got to be kidding!

him - You're getting hysterical. Calm down. Here. Have a glass of water. You'll have to come as many times a week as I determine is necessary for you.

her - NO! I told you I don't want water and I told you I just want to go home but I'm stuck here in this god forsaken hell hole and if you offer me water again and don't hear me saying NO, I'll scream. I can't stop crying. I'm so pissed. I don't want to talk about this.

him - Amanda, listen to me. You married him, right? You loved him, right?

her- Yeah, Sure. Once upon a LONG time ago. How could I love someone who thinks what he kept doing to me was OK?

him - What did he do? Are you about to tell me the fabrication again?

her - FABRICATION? Dammit! WHAT fabrication!? He took me in the bedroom and tied me up!

him - Yes, I know. You admitted it was fantasy play. Adults do that sometimes. So, why are you crying about it now?

her - Leave me alone! I said NO! He didn't have the right to do that. I was playing. He wasn't. He started whipping my face and breasts with the back of his hand. I screamed "FOR REAL! Stop!" That was our code. He didn't stop. He kept beating me! Do you think I wanted him to beat me with the back of his hand like that? Do you think I really wanted him to keep me tied to the bedposts when I screamed so loud for him to release the ropes? NO!

him - How often did you play these sex games with him, Amanda?

her- That's none of your business. And that has nothing to do with it.

him- Yes it is my business and it has a lot to do with it.

her - No it doesn't!

him - You sure are in a feisty mood today. Calm down. Let me ask you this. If you say he beat you all the time, why didn't you leave him?

her- Leave him? You're kidding, right? Damn! LEAVE him? If I left him, he would have killed me. He promised me that. Where could I have gone? He would have found me anywhere I went.

him - Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. You and I both know that's not true. Your husband didn't have the resources to find you if you left. You could have gone anywhere. You could have disappeared in a big city.

her- No I couldn't. I didn't have any money. I hadn't worked since I married him 15 years ago. I had no skills. Where would I go?

him- Couldn't you have gone to a friend's house for a time until you got a job?

her- Friends? Oh my God, you're really joking, aren't you? I haven't had a friend to talk to for like forever. Longer. He made sure of that.

him- Now just how did he do that, Amanda? How did he stop you from having friends? That's a little preposterous, isn't it? I'm sure you have friends.

her- NO! He wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me go anywhere. He wouldn't let me answer the phone.

him- Are you trying to tell me he kept you prisoner in your own home? Amanda! Come on!

her- That's what he did. So, I guess I had some training for this place, didn't I? Years of training.

him- OK, Amanda. Let's talk again about the night. Tell me what happened when you were in the bedroom. I'd really like to hear about it.

her- NO! What ARE you? Some kind of voyeur?

him- Amanda, I'm a doctor. I'm trying to help you.

her- To hell you are. You're a sick fuck.

him- There's really no need to call me names, Amanda. Let's try this again. Where did you get the gun?

her- From under the bed. Am I on trial again? I don't get it!

him- When did the neighbors call the police?

her- When they heard me screaming. I heard the sirens. So did he.

him- And then what happened?

her- Well, he got this scared look in his eyes and then started laughing maniacally. He released the ropes.

him - And so the police came, right?

her- Yes. Like it did any good. Jesus... the police? They were useless. I was so glad the neighbors heard me! I was so glad they called! But the police? They were idiots. They came. They knocked. He answered the door. Of course. What else could he do?

him- And so, did you talk to the police?

her- I ran quick to the bathroom to try to clean myself up but dammit... it wasn't possible. I was torn. Torn. Bra, panties. Bruises. Jesus, there was blood running from the corner of my mouth! They asked to see me. They came into the foyer. He came and got me from the bathroom. I'll never forget that tall one. The grey haired guy clasping his pistol in the holster. His eyes made me want to puke. He looked at me like he wanted me. I was a wreck. I was livid, torn and twisted. It was so obvious I'd resisted.

him- What did you say to the police?

her- I told them the truth. I told them he raped me and beat me. I showed them the bruising. I was bleeding.

him- What did the police say?

her- Nothing. They didn't say a goddamn word. They just kept looking at me. Staring at me. And then they asked my husband what happened and he laughed. "Nothing," he said. "We were just playing. My wife's just angry with me because it didn't last as long as she wanted. She thought I came too soon." Oh, God! Then that damn grey haired cop started laughing with my husband and the other one, he giggled and blushed, and then they left. It was horrible! It was inexcusable. They didn't even listen to me!

him - I see. You didn't think it was funny, then?

her- NO! I didn't think it was funny! Jesus! Let me go now. I need to go back and lie down. I can't stop crying.

him- Not yet, Amanda. It's not time to let you go. First, tell me, where did you get the gun?

her- From under the bed. I told you that already.

him- Who's gun was it? What made you shoot him? Why did you kill him, Amanda?

her- Why? You're not listening, doc. WHY? He threatened to kill me! He said if I ever talk to another policeman, he'd kill me. Then, he started laughing. He kept laughing. He just kept laughing just like he would do every time after he pushed me around and beat the shit out of me. Just like he did every time after he made me play that damn game with him! He just kept laughing and I was beat and bruised and bleeding and the police did nothing! NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! I'm glad I killed the asshole! If he were here right now, I'd kill him again! Let me go now. I want to go lie down. This is doing no good! I'm all upset again. I didn't need to relive this! I want to go home! Where is THAT? Let me ask you that? Where IS my home?

him - Amanda? Do you feel better now?

her - NO! I don't feel any better now! NO! Can't you understand the word, NO?

[WIREMAN]

doreen ...you are simply amazing my friend......love ya

[YABYUM]

its a good monologue.
but i see it as having nothing to do with my question.

he, in my question, is not beating her.

she, in my question, is asking for violence in sex.

i appreciate this.

but really, it is way off the mark.



p.s.
i w ish i could write a back and forth that moves likes this.

[Doreen Peri]

It's not a monologue.

It's a dialogue.

and it's completely appropos because she is participating in violent sex games ...... but she can't stop it when it goes too far...

it is the answer to your question.

The history of the relationship is in the piece. He is not beating her ... they are having sex games.......

I don't usually explain my pieces...

please read it again.

It is not at all way off the mark.

It is ON the mark. Completely. It answers your question.

[YABYUM]

i will.

you know me, i have no idea the difference between monologue
and dialogue.

and if you know me, you know that i meant to offend.

and i probably spelt that wrong.

i have had two too many.
if i try to pick with you, id be be better off pickin my nose.

I will read AMANDA again.

but no one, besides your DIALOGUE,
has even shown one color.

anyway, thanks.

[Doreen Peri]

ok, good..... thing is, it's easy to think a lot of people are online here at the same time but usually, it's only about 5 or so..... we all just keep clicking in the threads we're IN to keep up with the conversations... thus the view count

it's new software... it's a new place... we're just little guys and that's just fine with us but it takes some getting used to and so i toast you with my vodka martini and i wish i could give you a hug, too, right now .... love to you... i send it your way....

maybe after i get some more content on the other sections of the site, i can think about another cabaradio and you are always welcome here.... you are my son and brother...

[YABYUM]

dammit,
woman......stop replying.
I love your energy and this place,
knowing that it exists makes me concentrate on spelling.
CABARADIO 3 (Q.M.)

[Doreen Peri]

Y'know what? I was thinking about what you said last night about this piece not being exactly what you were talking about and you were right.

I wrote this a long time ago and I had forgotten about the entire content. It has violence unassociated with rough sex games. It DOES address that issue, but it has other stuff going on with Amanda being abused, too.

You were right.

Sorry there were not many people around last night to reply to your question.

It was good to see you here. Hope you come back and play again soon.